[INTJ] INTJs- How successful have you been at love?

[9thNightingale]

How successful is my love life? Crap. Barely any girl meets my expectations and if they do it's hard to pick them out from the general crowd.

Its the exact same thing for me, the difference is I am a female INTJ. I too have never felt fully content in a relationship.

I can quickly tell whether someone is "good enough". But I tended to stick it out as long as I can with hopes that my expectations would go away or transform. Often though, I've seen myself alter myself to 'fit' with the person I am with because I like harmony in relationships. It's happened a couple of times now - whereby I undergo a transformation of myself by picking up the best traits of my partner .:workout:. Have any of you INTJ's done anything crazy like this? I feel like Rouge from X-Men lol. Its like i'm transferring the good qualities from someone into myself. I guess it comes from my need to improve myself. Its the oddest thing in the world! I'm not sure it did me any good though because it was a draining process.

The following are the matches I have had as an INTJ and a few major characteristics I experienced with them.

First boyfriend: ExSP (artisan) - poetic, dramatic, romance overload.
Second boyfriend: ENFP (idealist) - creative, adventurous but no direction.
Third boyfriend: ESFJ (guardian) - secure, traditional but not as inspiring.
Current: ENTJ (rational)

From my exes, ENFP was the most good for my INTJ soul. It felt good. Constant comfort and constant excitement. In the end, it was too "all over the place" for me. There was no direction. That is scary for an INTJ like me. Its "uncertainty". INTJ's like knowing things for a fact, and atleast be able to put their finger on what they value. Also when they know things, those facts become more valuable and interesting. So with all the uncertainty I lost my excitement and respect for him.

My current boyfriend is an ENTJ! We've been dating for the past 2 months! And I haven't by far ever felt the need to change myself or do any intensive crazy voodoo on myself to fit with him. Its great! I like the way we approach expectations because we talk about them. We assess and argue too lol, but atleast we talk about it. Cuz its not JUST about what I want, we think about how an expectation would be mutually benefitting. I get to rationalize my thoughts properly and he listens, then he does the same. I really like this because it shows his mental and rational competency which is very attractive.

Have you as an INTJ ever dated any of these types (SP, ENFP, ESFJ, ENTJ)? What was your experience with each?

 

[Uytuun]

Have any of you INTJ's done anything crazy like this?

Yes that sounds familiar. I need to check myself from time to time to make sure I don't fall into that trap with people.

 

[ceecee]

I think I finally figured it out. At least what I need in a relationship and the type of person I need to be in a relationship with.

 

[Erudur]

I believe Ive dated a cautious SJ, a carefree SP, an unstable ENFP, and am currently getting to know an INTJ.

The unstable ENFP was the only one I think I really fell in love with, but the relationship had some toxicity that I found no way to deal with in a healthy way and fell out of love in the more terrorizing moments of the relationship.

The INTJ intrigues me. It seems to me that a healthy INTJ might be the ideal woman. I also have to admit, that I feel a bit more off balance in the early stages of this INTJ-INTJ relationship than I did with all the other Fs. I could respond to the emoting of the Fs in a way that seemed to work pretty well romantically.

I have enough feedback to gauge that there is mutual interest, but our similar slow approach leaves some space to bridge. My strong-silent-type demeanor would eventually drive the other girls nuts and they'd make a first move. I'm not so sure what's the best way to ratchet things up with this beautiful and mysterious INTJ.

 

[freedom geek]

Haven't found anyone with the qualities I want.

 

[Jgib5328]

I'm about as unsuccessful as they come. I've never had a girlfriend and have never even hooked up with a girl even though I'm 21. The worst part is that I look good and have a lot to offer, but I just don't know how to facilitate anything. I've dated before, but I messed it up. I also can't recognize signals. I just really don't understand any of it and it's frustrating.

 

[thescientist]

Have you as an INTJ ever dated any of these types (SP, ENFP, ESFJ, ENTJ)? What was your experience with each?

I fell in love with an ENFP...he toyed with me and never loved me back. It was the strongest attraction (both physical/personality) I've felt for anyone and I'm in my mid-20's.

I'm pretty sure I will end up with an ENFP for a long-term relationship. Im instantly and consistently drawn to them. I just dont come across ENFP males often, at least not ones that I'm attracted to

Still a little heart broken

I can usually instantly tell if I will like you as a person or not. Somehow, I can immediately sense the ENFP vibe when they're around. The popular guy, the center of attention, the goofy, charismatic and adventure-seeking one...I cant help but be fascinated. Their P-ness doesnt bother me as much as I'm weak on the J. They're just everything I'm not, and they feel so good to be around. They just inspire me

 

[thescientist]

The INTJ intrigues me. It seems to me that a healthy INTJ might be the ideal woman. I also have to admit, that I feel a bit more off balance in the early stages of this INTJ-INTJ relationship than I did with all the other Fs. I could respond to the emoting of the Fs in a way that seemed to work pretty well romantically.

I think INTJ/INTJ is a pretty common pairing. Im actually staying with an aunt/uncle for some time and realized that they're both INTJ's. They love each other deeply. He's VERY balanced E/I, T/F, J/P. Her J and T are strong. They just have a quiet practical loving nature about them. He's very touchy-feely for an INTJ. She isnt, she's more uptight and less socially adept.

I dont think I could be in a long-term relationship with another INTJ...I dont particularly like my type in others. I just dont find them exciting. Too practical and predictable for me. ha!

 

[goodgrief]

No success so far, but I've got an eye on someone. I just need the courage to go for it. I am very picky though.

I wish I met more INTJ women. It seems that the majority of INTJ like people I come across are male.

 

[uumlau]

We're just really picky. The healthy ones of us have the ability to be excellent partners.

Quite true. We're very picky about who we'll have as close friends. We're extremely picky about who we'll have as a full time partner.

*windowshops*

Amar, only one per customer, please.

Kant, honey, this is what enfps exist for

My dear Amar, it is what INTJs exist for.

I know plenty of men who would be interested in an INTJ woman, assuming she were attractive.

The problem will be getting an INTJ woman to be interested, in my experience.

I've definitely run into this, INTJ-to-INTJ.

What I've learnt about INTJ women is that they can be as sexy as they wish to be. In fact they very easily can get a man. But to find the man that meets their expectations... Good luck.

For INTJ women it's like "ok im being sexy and I got this man... it's working... it's working... it's.. OK I'm bored this guy just isn't my cup of tea. Let's try the next guy who has that spec of a chance to be 'the one'."

For INTJ guy it's like "hmmmm trash, next....trash, next....trash. I will not lose my self-pride by going out with anyone who does not give me the ultimate respect I should have"

Yeah, I think this is how the social dynamic plays out for women. Since men are still generally the more pro-active sex, the passiveness of the INTJ doesn't get in the way of dating. The standards still remain very high. For guys, we Ni/Te rule out pretty much all but a few candidates (which is really stupid for such strategic thinkers), and because we suck and people skills, those possibilities usually don't even begin to work out.


Personally, I think that INTJs go for quality over quantity in love, which can work against other conventional definitions of "success in love."

 

[Oddly Refined]

Its the exact same thing for me, the difference is I am a female INTJ. I too have never felt fully content in a relationship.

I can quickly tell whether someone is "good enough". But I tended to stick it out as long as I can with hopes that my expectations would go away or transform. Often though, I've seen myself alter myself to 'fit' with the person I am with because I like harmony in relationships. It's happened a couple of times now - whereby I undergo a transformation of myself by picking up the best traits of my partner .:workout:. Have any of you INTJ's done anything crazy like this? I feel like Rouge from X-Men lol. Its like i'm transferring the good qualities from someone into myself. I guess it comes from my need to improve myself. Its the oddest thing in the world! I'm not sure it did me any good though because it was a draining process.

Yes, I also use the same idea to describe many of my relationships. Although her name is Rogue not Rouge.

 

[Oddly Refined]

I think I finally figured it out. At least what I need in a relationship and the type of person I need to be in a relationship with.

What was your conclusion?

 

[Erudur]

I think INTJ/INTJ is a pretty common pairing. Im actually staying with an aunt/uncle for some time and realized that they're both INTJ's. They love each other deeply. He's VERY balanced E/I, T/F, J/P. Her J and T are strong. They just have a quiet practical loving nature about them. He's very touchy-feely for an INTJ. She isnt, she's more uptight and less socially adept.

I dont think I could be in a long-term relationship with another INTJ...I dont particularly like my type in others. I just dont find them exciting. Too practical and predictable for me. ha!

I don't think I or a number of my INTJ colleagues (I seem to be running into bunches of them -- very weird) are predictable. Maybe somewhat practical but with adequate zaniness to keep things spicy. In a deadpan or ironic way.

 

[capricorn009]

I'm an ENTJ, and not very, lol. I have a lot of guy friends and enjoy flirting with
cute strangers, I guess I like the mysteriousness factor even though I know to
use my head in those situations. Guess I read too many books that had a lot of
romance in the side storylines

 

[Amargith]

I'm an ENTJ, and not very, lol. I have a lot of guy friends and enjoy flirting with
cute strangers, I guess I like the mysteriousness factor even though I know to
use my head in those situations. Guess I read too many books that had a lot of
romance in the side storylines

Lol...you sooo need an INFP. Mystery and romance..really?

 

[goodgrief]

I feel like Rouge from X-Men lol. Its like i'm transferring the good qualities from someone into myself. I guess it comes from my need to improve myself. Its the oddest thing in the world! I'm not sure it did me any good though because it was a draining process.

They don't end up dying, do they?

 

[IZthe411]

I hear a lot of you use the word picky. Are you truly picky or just not easily impressed?

I had this discussion with a girl over the weekend, and she told me that the word about me is that I am picky. I've heard this before and generally agreed with it, but I told her that it's not that I'm picky, but it takes more to impress me than a big butt and a smile. I've realized that about myself since my last relationship- the girl was pretty, we had fun and all, but when it was just us- no games, no music, or anything else, there was silence, there wasn't any real sparks for me, because I wasn't getting that mental stimulation that I needed (and didn't realize I needed it). I beat myself up a little bit trying to figure out why I wasn't into her, and one I figured that's what it was, it helped me to move on.

I'm not an INTJ, but an ISTJ, and while I don't pick a girl apart while assessing her, I do look for those hints of chemistry, and that can only happen when she opens her mouth (to speak).

Interestingly, I don't think I can do an ISTJ girl.

 

[goodgrief]

I hear a lot of you use the word picky. Are you truly picky or just not easily impressed?

I had this discussion with a girl over the weekend, and she told me that the word about me is that I am picky. I've heard this before and generally agreed with it, but I told her that it's not that I'm picky, but it takes more to impress me than a big butt and a smile. I've realized that about myself since my last relationship- the girl was pretty, we had fun and all, but when it was just us- no games, no music, or anything else, there was silence, there wasn't any real sparks for me, because I wasn't getting that mental stimulation that I needed (and didn't realize I needed it). I beat myself up a little bit trying to figure out why I wasn't into her, and one I figured that's what it was, it helped me to move on.

I'm not an INTJ, but an ISTJ, and while I don't pick a girl apart while assessing her, I do look for those hints of chemistry, and that can only happen when she opens her mouth (to speak).

Interestingly, I don't think I can do an ISTJ girl.

You need to change your type description. It says you're ENFP. Unless that's some kind of ploy to decieve people, which I doubt because your signature suggests you are an ISTJ.

 

[IZthe411]

You need to change your type description. It says you're ENFP. Unless that's some kind of ploy to decieve people, which I doubt because your signature suggests you are an ISTJ.

I'm not an INTJ, but an ISTJ, and while I don't pick a girl apart while assessing her, I do look for those hints of chemistry, and that can only happen when she opens her mouth (to speak).

I see you are a newbie. A little piece of advice: That description field is in no way gospel. Lighten up.

 

[InvisibleJim]

I have decided I am definately a love fail (atm)