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  1. #31
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    They like the other pretending (warning sign) to lose even less than they like losing. You will lose their respect and they will become more suspicious of you.



    Supportive way = opening them up to new ways of looking at things, thinking about things, i.e., towards a greater insight, understanding. Towards positive growth - be it mental, physical, emotional, etc.

    Do it through challenge means don't hand-hold them through it, but, allow them to come to the conclusions by the way you steer it, present the argument. I.e., challenge them to THINK.
    Makes a lot of sense.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    Stolen from the SP thread...

    Not the same as how to seduce! (I thought I'd clarify, since there's already a thread like that) You guys are so hard to read sometimes, it's tough to know when you're feeling good in a relationship. I'm genuinely curious and all ears. :popcorn:
    #Making me a nice dinner.
    #Dressing me in the morning.
    #Cuddling me when I need to be cuddled.
    #Letting me enjoy time alone.
    #Having a water fight.

    That is about it.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Erudur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    Could you give a hypothetical example of #3? I kind of have a vague idea what this might look like, but have a tough time imagining how one might do that without sounding patronizingly sweet...especially an "f" like me.
    This can be done by appealing to logic and efficiency. But the challenge must incorporate logic and efficiency.

    Personally, I understand that in a relationship the give and take will include many concessions that aren't logical or efficient or will necessitate great expenditure of social energy. In that case, it helps to just acknowledge, "I know X is going to be a pain fighting traffic and crowds, but it would really mean a lot to me if you joined me..." or some such thing.

    What doesn't work is trying to convince me that some irrational and/or inefficient (taxing) request is rational or efficient or no big deal.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Erudur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    I assume psychoanalyzing is out of the question? How taboo is that, really? On a scale from 1-"go to hell"?
    I can handle that. But be prepared to defend your thesis.

  5. #35
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    Stolen from the SP thread...

    Not the same as how to seduce! (I thought I'd clarify, since there's already a thread like that) You guys are so hard to read sometimes, it's tough to know when you're feeling good in a relationship. I'm genuinely curious and all ears. :popcorn:
    1) Listen to our ideas. I mean really listen. And let us know by offering input every now and again. Something besides "uh huh."

    2) Plan something outside of the house, like a trip to the park or whatever. Make it just you and your INTJ. We bond the best in a one-on-one environment, not with fifty other people that we need to pay attention to. Take us on a date that will stimulate our intellect (museum, aquarium, etc...) and we'll love you forever.

    3) Give us lots of breathing room. If we seem conflicted about something, give us a lot of alone time. If we need your input we'll ask for it, but otherwise there's just certain things we need to find out alone.

    4) Have lots of self control and refrain from emotional outbursts.

    5) Communicate in PLAIN ENGLISH. Don't sugar coat anything, don't say things and not mean them, don't speak in riddles. And keep in mind we communicate this way. Don't look for hidden meanings in our words.

    6) Don't put us beneath you or belittle us. Treat us as capable individuals. We hate feeling inadequate. It might be so tempting to help, but more often than not we'll just assume that you think we're incompetent. We'll ask for help when we need it.

  6. #36
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post

    However, he also could care less about promotion, in terms of the title, the promotion is only relevant insofar as it gives him a pay raise and more responsibility (challenging work).
    It's not about the job title, you are right about that. I wouldn't mind being called administrative assistant, as long as I assisted in administering the running of the entire company and was paid accordingly.

    It is all about being able to actually execute the ideas of how to move the organisation forward, increase efficiency etc. etc.

    Of course, being praised is always nice, and there isn't anyone that doesn't like it (although I do get embarassed by it). But it is not sufficient.

  7. #37
    Senior Member chasingAJ's Avatar
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    I think Usehername hit the nail on the head with the comment about picking up on the subtle things that I say in a casual conversation. I wrote out a whole list of things he does but really, they all go back to this basic idea. He listens to me and he pays enough attention to understand what the underlying justifications/reasons are for what I prefer. He does really small things with that info that really matter to me.

    Here are a couple of examples for the concrete thinkers...

    He takes my daughter to school so that I can sleep late!

    He is my "finder." I constantly misplace things and will turn the house upside down to find them NOW. He knows me well enough to know where I last had that book or those files.

    He picked out an engagement ring that was EXACTLY what I would have picked out (lab created diamond for ethical reasons, platinum b/c I hate gold, Tiffany setting b/c I'm prefer a "classic" look) THEN he apologized for breaking tradition and told me about it to make sure it was exactly what I wanted "since you're going to be the one wearing it."


    Stuff doesn't make me feel good. Sure, it's nice but most of the time it's not something I actually like. Just think of me and know me well enough to do something small but meaningful.

  8. #38
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    Maybe give them a safe gift?

  9. #39
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    I just love those INTJs sooo cute but oftentimes it's hard to make them feel special... they seem to be somewhat cynical about my affections... really bizzare... They are also quite good at putting up barriers in my experience; in some ways the miscommunication can be fun esp when you both know that underneath it all you're on the same page.. In my experience they really appreciate you taking their ideas and advice on board... The ones I have had dealings with like to help me and like me to accept that help.
    ... couldn't drag me away

    Željko Ražnatovic: argus
    Željko Ražnatovic: do you want heir's?
    WildHorses: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Željko Ražnatovic: to carry your genealogical code??

  10. #40
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    He is my "finder." I constantly misplace things and will turn the house upside down to find them NOW. He knows me well enough to know where I last had that book or those files.
    I do that a lot...I'm the master of finding things, with near-magical location powers. He never knows where his things are, and I'm quite the wizard at it, if I do say so myself.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

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