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  1. #21
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Usehername- thank you for typing that out! So, rather than having your quietly dropped self-disclosing highlighted with enthusiastic mushiness in the moment, it's more meaningful to have it thoughtfully remembered later, right? Sometimes, my impulse is to want to delve into it with heart wide open...but I sometimes get the vibe that my in the moment "mush" over a shared thought is overwhelming and embarrassing, and I don't see that thought again for a long time. ::mull::
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  2. #22
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    That's good to know! It's a bad habit of mine, and i do it a lot when I'm bored...and tend to say a lot of things like that out loud to trusted INTJs because I value their opinions. I need to work on not doing it. ::bag over head::


    I appreciate, btw, you guys taking the time to fill me in. :O)
    Well, I like talking about myself

    EDIT: on the internet

  3. #23
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    Well, I like talking about myself

    EDIT: on the internet
    LOL, you and me both, Poppy. Much better than IRL.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  4. #24
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyGrass View Post
    Usehername- thank you for typing that out! So, rather than having your quietly dropped self-disclosing highlighted with enthusiastic mushiness in the moment, it's more meaningful to have it thoughtfully remembered later, right? Sometimes, my impulse is to want to delve into it with heart wide open...but I sometimes get the vibe that my in the moment "mush" over a shared thought is overwhelming and embarrassing, and I don't see that thought again for a long time. ::mull::
    IDK...

    I'm the kind of person who gets natural highs off of being moreandmoreintense with someone I care for, so I would invite things that brought about said connection. But I'm also moody sometimes and just want people to stay the hell away from my walls that are there for a freaking reason. In short, both of those options are wrong sometimes and right other times (for me).

    I'd suggest not thinking so much and using your intuition.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #25
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Mine tends to like it when I pick up on his 'bad' days, the moments he feels vulnerable, and without saying something, make things easier for him, giving him a break from the world. Once that's out of the way, I just lie on the couch, look at him, and he'll usually come and cuddle me. His embrace will usually tell me if it's just a dip that can be fixed with some physical attention, or whether I should comfort him that way first and once he's a bit more relaxed, encourage him to talk/rant about it to help him sort things out.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #26
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    At work:

    Being recognised with increased responsibility, pay and promotion. Being told I've done a good job isn't enough (I already know that). If that's all I get, I will feel like I'm being used and will most likely move some where else where I DO get increased responsibility, pay and promotion.

    At home:

    Being loved and cared for: having meals cooked for me and being looked after. Thoughtful gifts are nice. Things that I've wanted but haven't explicitly asked for.

  7. #27
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    pretend to loose to them...they dont like losing much

    thats what someone meant when they said 'challenge in a supportive way'

  8. #28
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I'll let you know if I ever date one again. But the one I dated years ago loved it when I was on time without his prodding (nagging) me. He also appreciated that I never asked him how he was feeling but would listen to him, without interruption, when he brought it up. He especially liked it if I never brought up "the incident" (his emo rant) again.

    He really liked it when I remembered the birthday of his mom and/or close family and took the initiative to buy them gifts or plan something nice.

  9. #29
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thisGuy View Post
    pretend to loose to them...they dont like losing much

    thats what someone meant when they said 'challenge in a supportive way'
    LOL. Well then, good! I'm already quite skilled at "losing", and in the stealthy art of face saving for the other party after I've beaten them soundly.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thisGuy View Post
    pretend to loose to them...they dont like losing much
    They like the other pretending (warning sign) to lose even less than they like losing. You will lose their respect and they will become more suspicious of you.

    thats what someone meant when they said 'challenge in a supportive way'
    Supportive way = opening them up to new ways of looking at things, thinking about things, i.e., towards a greater insight, understanding. Towards positive growth - be it mental, physical, emotional, etc.

    Do it through challenge means don't hand-hold them through it, but, allow them to come to the conclusions by the way you steer it, present the argument. I.e., challenge them to THINK.

    Quote Originally Posted by ed111 View Post
    At work:

    Being recognised with increased responsibility, pay and promotion. Being told I've done a good job isn't enough (I already know that). If that's all I get, I will feel like I'm being used and will most likely move some where else where I DO get increased responsibility, pay and promotion.
    @ bolded. So true, my INxJ got his evaluation and scored perfect on everything. When his boss handed the evaluation over to him and congratulated him, he looked at him irked, and asked, "What do I do with this? How is this helpful?" (I.e., if he was already perfect, there was no challenge, or point to his work, for the future). So, the boss finally relented and gave him back 'helpful evaluation' - it was, not suprisingly, in the arena of social etiquette. Telling my INxJ that sometimes, when he (boss) talks to him, he can see the INxJ's eyes gloss over (i.e., he's tuned you out), or hunched eyebrows (he's irked), and the boss knows that he's been rambling and not getting to the point causing that response in INxJ...hence, the helpful criticism - that the INxJ has to learn to be patient and more accomodating to how others may interact, or, speak, express their point. I laughed out loud when I heard that....

    (to add: he won't say it, but, there is that little part of him, the little boy, that is quite proud at the achievement of a perfect score - as me going, NO WAY? Perfect? I don't believe it, show me! made him run to get the evaluation, handing it over going, "See how stupid it is...what do I do with such evaluation?" (). I did it more to show I'm proud of him, encourage him, without calling it out, outright, and he won't admit it, but he did appreciate that gesture )

    However, he also could care less about promotion, in terms of the title, the promotion is only relevant insofar as it gives him a pay raise and more responsibility (challenging work).

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