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[INTJ] INTJ + INTJ relationships.

nothingunusual

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
5
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5
I've read that in romantic relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits.

I can't deny this - being the egomaniacal, misanthropic and alienated INTJ that I am. But seeing as we're so often social cripples and rare and elusive one's at that, it very often feels like a lost cause. Imagining that both parties also share the inability to flirt (never mind recognize it), but at the same time too awkward to skip the subtleties get to the point.

And lets say they get past that hurdle. How would a relationship of this nature go down, I wonder? Does anyone have any stories about INTJ/INTJ relationships?
 

INTJ123

HAHHAHHAH!
Joined
Jun 20, 2009
Messages
777
MBTI Type
ESFP
no, I tend to seek different types, I like fun loving spontaneous people, but not retards. INTJ + INTJ is boring, it's ok as friends sometimes but still overall boring.
 

pippi

New member
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Sep 6, 2008
Messages
735
MBTI Type
xxxx
I've read that in romantic relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits.
In a poll on INTJf there were 112 people out of 650 in a relationship with an INTJ (not everyone who answered the poll was an INTJ though). Depending on your perspective that's a lot (10%+ and double the next highest result in the poll) or a little (since the rest were in relationships with other types).

I fall into the "opposites attract" camp since I'm married to an ESFJ. I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like me.
 

RenaiReborn

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May 29, 2009
Messages
495
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w2
I have stories of INTJ/INTJ flirtation, which bordered right on the precipice of falling into a relationship. However, I did read in an article that while there is a sort of mutual respect between INTJ males and females, the INTJ female will tend, more often than not, to seek an INTJ male consistently, while the males will seek those with highly different personalities in their youth (which wasn't subsequently defined by the article in question).

So, to answer your question: What if they get past that hurdle?

Well, assuming they don't both end up despising each other's stubborn opinions, and that one or both (preferably) are more in touch with their emotions and one or both (preferably) are willing to come to compromise on some things, they could have a very fulfilling relationship. In all seriousness, though, I believe that any two mature, well-developed individuals are able to make a relationship work (that is, not taking into account type, which makes a natural inclination/attraction towards a particular individual more pronounced).

An INTJ/INTJ relationship would be very interesting, to say the least. Perhaps difficult at times, depending on the individuals, but what else is new?
 

Wiley45

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
669
MBTI Type
INFP
I think INTJ's are so funny when they're looking for a romantic companion. It's like they have this detailed, three page checklist in their heads and have no qualms about ruling out 99% of the population.

I just told my INTJ friend that he should consider dating this other INTJ I know. He observed her from afar and came back to me, rather annoyed, with a list of reasons why he wouldn't consider dating her. Even though he never actually talked to her and they have a lot in common. Eh, I dunno. Last time I try to matchmake for an INTJ. :)

It makes sense to me that INTJ's would do well together, especially since they tend to have such high standards for competence, would want someone who understands the need for independence and time alone, and would likely enjoy someone with a similar sense of humor.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
I agree with the robots clanking, but disagree about the flirtation. INTJ flirting can put an ExxP to shame, when they are motivated to do so. Hot damn.
 

BlahBlahNounBlah

New member
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Dec 16, 2008
Messages
1,458
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
I think INTJ's are so funny when they're looking for a romantic companion. It's like they have this detailed, three page checklist in their heads and have no qualms about ruling out 99% of the population.


I find they don't usually let that go until they actually attain the person who meets their qualifications and realize the theory is a better fit than the human being. :newwink:
 

A Schnitzel

WTF is this dude saying?
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
1,155
MBTI Type
INTP
I know an INTJ-INTJ couple and their relationship is volatile.
Their both passionate but it comes out through bouts of anger. Also they both have walls built up and have troubles letting each other through. Sort of a game of power.

It's not horrible, although they're in a less than ideal situation (long distance) they both love each other, which is more than can be said for a lot of couples.
 

violet_crown

Active member
Joined
Jun 18, 2009
Messages
4,959
MBTI Type
ENTJ
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853
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Wouldn't two INTJs dating be the relationship equivalent of crossing the streams?
 

Matthew_Z

That chalkboard guy
Joined
Jun 15, 2009
Messages
1,256
MBTI Type
xxxx
Two mature individuals of any type can have a successful relationships.
INTJ is a type.
Therefore:
Two INTJs can have a successful relationship.

In reality, how developed and mature any given individual is will infinitely impact their ability to have a relationship more than their type. Regardless of how "incompatible" two individuals may be based on type, type is not the deciding factor on their ability to have a relationship.
 

violet_crown

Active member
Joined
Jun 18, 2009
Messages
4,959
MBTI Type
ENTJ
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853
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sx/sp
Two mature individuals of any type can have a successful relationships.
INTJ is a type.
Therefore:
Two INTJs can have a successful relationship.

In reality, how developed and mature any given individual is will infinitely impact their ability to have a relationship more than their type. Regardless of how "incompatible" two individuals may be based on type, type is not the deciding factor on their ability to have a relationship.

I'm not arguing against the INTJ+INTJ combo here, but I seriously disagree with this. I think a couple of things. First, either you can take the MBTI as a meaningful designation or not. If you do, and given that you're posting on this forum I assume you so, then you have to agree that there are certain combinations of personalities that don't equate to a successful relationship. A successful relationship means a lot more than simply staying together. I don't think that all possible combinations would work, and more to the point I think that a given individual is only going to be attracted to a limited range of types to begin with. Maturity (however you meant it in your post) not withstanding.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,764
I think there are better combination.

However if one is balanced INTJ and another is expressed INTJ there would be enough differences to make it interesting and stabile on the long run. While understanding of the other side shouldn't be that hard.
 

Kra

Black Magic Buzzard
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
912
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I wouldn't avoid it, I don't seek people based on type though.

I consider myself a fairly balanced INTJ, so it would have a good chance of working on a purely mechanical level, but there are far more aspects that are not related to cognitive function in a relationship (such as values).

I wouldn't say that it'd be boring either. Debate might be more of an intellectual foreplay than anything else.:blush:
 

ed111

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Sep 9, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
I go out with an INTJ and it's the best relationship I've ever had.
 

Economica

Dhampyr
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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
2,054
MBTI Type
INTJ
I agree with the robots clanking, but disagree about the flirtation. INTJ flirting can put an ExxP to shame, when they are motivated to do so. Hot damn.

:huh:

Please expound!

I go out with an INTJ and it's the best relationship I've ever had.

So how much does that tell us? (What other relationships have you had?)

---

Personally I have zero chemistry with other INTJs. It'd be like dating my brother, and I'm not just saying that because my brother actually is an INTJ. ;)
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
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7w8
:huh:

Please expound!

Oh come on, you guys are witty and charming and slightly self deprecating in a way that's not pathetic. Even when you get on the arrogant high horse that NTs, esp NTJs (imo), are prone to do, you do it with finesse. At least as long as you are still trying to court the person in question. (After that, you are just a bunch of pricks, like the rest of us.)

And you guys always have at least one excellent skill that you whip out of your hat for the encore. It's kinda maddeningly sexy.

There are times when you don't even realize what you are doing, but they are blended in so well with the times that you do - so I just spend my days in pure torture, wondering if you guys really know what you are doing to me, and if you are doing it on purpose. The guessing game - it keeps me on my toes. INTJs (and on occasion, INTPs) are the one type that can make me want to jump across the table and give a great big smother hug. I normally don't like to touch people. Give yourselves some credit.
:static:
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
That's the only thing approaching specific in that whole eulogy. :dry:

Alright, I can be more specific... what you just did, for instance. You indirectly challenged me in a direct way. You were dismissive while engaging me at the same time. You notice the details, or the lack thereof, and you present a situation that keeps the conversation going in a lighthearted manner. This is something that other types just don't get and it really makes me interested and screaming for more.

Coupled with the fact that it was embedded in a completely sarcastic but yet truthful sentence. You just can't argue with the logic presented - I truly wasn't specific, so I can't be offended or even accuse you of fishing for compliments. It was the perfect trap.

I'm not suggesting that you are flirting now, but if you chose to, you would be awesome at it. At least awesome according to my standards.
 

Kra

Black Magic Buzzard
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
912
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
There are times when you don't even realize what you are doing, but they are blended in so well with the times that you do - so I just spend my days in pure torture, wondering if you guys really know what you are doing to me, and if you are doing it on purpose. The guessing game - it keeps me on my toes. INTJs (and on occasion, INTPs) are the one type that can make me want to jump across the table and give a great big smother hug. I normally don't like to touch people. Give yourselves some credit.
:static:

Apparently, I need to be in search of NT women. This is possibly the only type of flirting that I'm good at with any consistency.:laugh:
 
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