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Thread: Rant on ENTJs

  1. #41
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I'm a male, but the "incredibly upset" part applies to me too. I think it's completely reasonable to have unspoken expectations in regard to this kind of basic stuff. Actually, in regard to most stuff. I don't think that voicing expectations is good because you impose things on another person. On the other hand, I'll still have those expectations, and so I'll get angry if they aren't being met.
    Sounds like the friend I live with as well.
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  2. #42
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Sounds like the friend I live with as well.
    What kind of complaints do you have about him? (not to be meant as an attack, just to understand in order to try to get rid of my defects)

  3. #43
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Eh, minor annoyances really; she's a great friend otherwise. I just wanted to comment that she does have some idealistic expectations that go unspoken till the lack of it happens knocks some wind out of her. I suppose the hardest part is when I'm having a discussion with her boyfriend about something and we're geeking out about it then she comes in and dominates the conversation. The power dynamic basically centeres around her and her ENFP boyfriend though; he's the face to the power, she pulls his strings.
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  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I'm a male, but the "incredibly upset" part applies to me too. I think it's completely reasonable to have unspoken expectations in regard to this kind of basic stuff. Actually, in regard to most stuff. I don't think that voicing expectations is good because you impose things on another person. On the other hand, I'll still have those expectations, and so I'll get angry if they aren't being met.
    I disagree. Either you voice them and get angry, but if you don't voice them you have no right of getting angry... It's simply unfair getting annoyed about something the other person had no idea about.

  5. #45
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    I disagree. Either you voice them and get angry, but if you don't voice them you have no right of getting angry... It's simply unfair getting annoyed about something the other person had no idea about.
    Yeah you are actually right rationally speaking, but it's not something I've got conscious control over (my feelings). I understand that the solution would simply be to voice them, but my super ego denies me to. I will probably get better at this with time, anyway.

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I'm a male, but the "incredibly upset" part applies to me too. I think it's completely reasonable to have unspoken expectations in regard to this kind of basic stuff. Actually, in regard to most stuff. I don't think that voicing expectations is good because you impose things on another person. On the other hand, I'll still have those expectations, and so I'll get angry if they aren't being met.
    You know, it's interesting you put it that way. I never saw it like that. Like other people on the thread, the way I see it is if you don't make your expectations known then you can't be mad when they aren't met.
    One example of ENTJ behavior like this involves an ENTJ my brother (who's INTJ) dated. For valentine's day he bought them tickets to see a romantic symphony. The tickets cost $200 or so for both of them. He only had money available for one ticket at a time, but he wanted to make sure they were sitting together, so he asked her to loan him the portion for her ticket and then he paid her back that weekend when he got paid.
    Also, his car was broken down so she had to drive. These two things upset her so much that she almost broke up with him and they had endless fights over it. Granted, having to borrow money from your girlfriend to buy her a valentine's day present sucks, but he was in college and only working part time and he made a lot of financial sacrifices to be able to take her on that date and pay for the whole thing himself eventually.
    I thought she was a spoiled brat because of it.
    What is the ENTJ perspective on this? I'm not attacking, I'm honestly trying to understand the other perspective.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Dark Razor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mendacity View Post
    What is the ENTJ perspective on this? I'm not attacking, I'm honestly trying to understand the other perspective.
    Maybe that is just me, but I don't really like receiving gifts from people I like, especially not expensive ones, I would not want someone to spend 200$ on a gift for me.

    I dont like the unspoken obligations that come with gift giving, actually receiving a generous gift kind of makes me feel guilty usually, as I know that I will act and look like I took it all for granted, kind of like "oh a gift, thx, now can we go on already?"

    With a partner I'd rather like that we share a mutual event but everyone pays his part himself, so there is no ambiguous bullshit between us.


    For the "incredibly upset" part I can get this to, I know if I was looking forward to an evening with friends and they call me and tell me they cant come, then I can become very angry to the point of throwing things and shouting (alone), though that has mellowed quite a bit, it was a lot worse when I was teenager. Also sometimes when an evening does not go as I expected I can become kind of silently upset and moody, though that mostly happens when I am bored with the people around me.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Dark Razor's Avatar
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    Rant:

    Think before you act,
    dont: Simple, there's option A and B, obviously B is right *pushes button* ---> *BOOOM*
    do: Oh there's also options C,D,E that were blatantly obvious, and then of course E is right, .


    Also: Think before you talk.
    Dont: Why doesnt this work? YOU, what did you do to the computer?
    "Its ...uh.. not plugged in..."

    Actually, casual talking without preparation is kind of a costant experience . Well, maybe not all that bad, but it sure is embarassing sometimes.

    Related to that: Dont say out loud EVERYTHING you are thinking, it hurts.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by meanlittlechimp View Post
    Oh btw, I never met a female ENTJ.
    I have.

    She was pretty nerdy, and the other women at work did not like her much at all. Only I understood her humor.

    Nice rack too.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Razor View Post
    Maybe that is just me, but I don't really like receiving gifts from people I like, especially not expensive ones, I would not want someone to spend 200$ on a gift for me.

    I dont like the unspoken obligations that come with gift giving, actually receiving a generous gift kind of makes me feel guilty usually, as I know that I will act and look like I took it all for granted, kind of like "oh a gift, thx, now can we go on already?"

    With a partner I'd rather like that we share a mutual event but everyone pays his part himself, so there is no ambiguous bullshit between us.
    I see... but she was upset because she had to drive, instead of being picked up and driven. And she was upset over the cost not because of how expensive it was, but because she thought she was having to pay for herself and she wanted him to pay for her (even though he really was, just in kind of a round-about unromantic way).
    It seemed like she had built up this idea in her head of this fabulous fairy-tale romantic evening and then when it turned out to be different from how she imagined due to this being the real world where people's cars break down and we don't make as much money as maybe we'd like, she got angry.

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