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  1. #1
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Default Help comprehending angry ENTP

    Help! An ENTP that I used to be good friends seems to hold a grudge against me and I'd like advice on how to get things back to normal.

    My fiance (an ESTP) and I used to be best buds with another couple, a rather wild, over-the-top ENTP and his ESFJ girlfriend. We hung out together all the time, were partners in crime, etc., etc. My fiance and I ended up moving to another state, which our two friends were very bummed out by (particularly the ENTP, who actually seemed angry with my fiance for moving for a couple weeks, but then he seemed to get over it). We were eager to keep in touch with them, and so we visited them soon after. Well, the visit went terribly. The ENTP, who I had always been able to tell held me in high regard and had always been warm and friendly toward me, was incredibly rude and antagonistic to me. Before, he would playfully rib me in a joking manner but I could tell he still considered me a friend; but his behavior that night, in contrast, was simply mean. I was extremely offended and left their house to stay with a friend nearby. (And by the way, I am a very easygoing person who can get along with just about anyone and who will keep quiet about perceived slights until it reaches a severe level.) The ENTP heard through my fiance that I was upset with him, and he claimed that he didn't know what I was talking about and that I was overreacting. But then a few days later the ENTP asked my fiance to tell me he was sorry if he'd been a jerk. A while after the incident, I learned that the ENTP had been on, ermm, mind-altering substances that night, and that made me more understanding of his strange behavior.

    Fast forward to yesterday when we went to their wedding. It was the first time seeing them in the six months since the incident. I was (and have long been) 100% ready to put the incident behind me. So I went up and greeted him just like we'd never had a falling out, and I completely expected him to do the same (I mean I am the one who's a big softie NF after all; it seems like if I got over it surely he had too). But no. All evening, he was like a rollercoaster of emotion toward me. One minute he was kind and treated me nicely, and the next he was incredibly rude and disrespectful. He also kept referencing what had happened and acting like I didn't like him. The drunker he got the ruder he was to me. At the end of the night I snuck off to our hotel room and cried. I feel very hurt and just don't understand why he's behaving like this. I have quite a few ENTP friends and get along well with all of them -- most are into playful teasing but they're never intentionally rude like he is being. Do ENTPs hold grudges? I hadn't expected that type to fixate on a negative incident like this.

    I'd appreciate any insights on what may be going through his head to make him act like this, and what I might do to make it stop. Obviously if much more of this goes on I will be at the end of my rope and will revert to an "INFJ doorslam" and simply write him off. But things had been so nice between us two couples before this that I do wish there were a way for things to get back to normal...

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    You need time and calmness. Try to stall away from him but make it reasonable. Like: "Damnit I got a date with my teeth doctor today, I am sorry".

    Make it smooth and easily, wait till he forgets, what will take like 3-4 minutes.

    Btw. I dont think he is entp, but thats just my take
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    Senior Member Engler's Avatar
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    Frankly, it doesn't seem as though his type has anything to do with his hostility towards you. You mentioned the fact that he was using "mind-altering substances" when you visited him. Furthermore, you also stated that he was drunk during his period of emotional fluctuation at the wedding.

    Thus, I am inclined to associate his hostility with his drug use, which, based upon the information that you have presented, is clearly not under control.

    My question for you is this: has he always used drugs, and, if so, have you known him to become hostile during use?
    http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u56/EnglerMeister/hehh.jpg

  4. #4
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    A while after the incident, I learned that the ENTP had been on, ermm, mind-altering substances that night, and that made me more understanding of his strange behavior.

    [...]

    He also kept referencing what had happened and acting like I didn't like him. The drunker he got the ruder he was to me.
    Redux!

    See what happens when/if there's a time that he's sober?

  5. #5
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    I don't think this is about his type. He seems to have some substance abuse problems.



    I don't hold grudges. If I don't like someone, I just disconnect from them altogether. But for me, there's no anger.

  6. #6
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    i think the fact that you believe you know 'quite a few ENTPs' says something. indeed, i doubt this has anything to do with type, and probably has quite a bit to do with drugs, but maybe, just maybe, you don't know as many as you think. if you insist on taking type into account, you may want to consider this.
    ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻
    (¯`✻´¯)
    `*.¸.*'ღϠ₡ღஇڿڰۣ
    •.¸¸. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒჱܓ. இڿڰۣ.¸¸.இڿڰۣ´¯`·.─♥


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  7. #7
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Shall we tell her at that point that she may be not infj cause we are totally pissed by the post btw ? or shall we wait and watch ?
    Only positives are type-applicable, negatives are only individually applicable. Duh!

  8. #8
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Ok, I didnt understand that, but I tried deleting my post...

    Thank you !
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #9
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Ok, I didnt understand that, but I tried deleting my post...

    Thank you !
    I was agreeing with your sentiment, and thus talking sarcastically

  10. #10
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    And I was deleting my sentiment and thus not wanting to be commented on, you masterbrain
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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