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  1. #81
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    This was hard for me to admit. Essentially it is using people to get something you haven't built inside. And since it comes only from other people it is never enough. In SolitaryWalker's book he talks about the self-effacing tendencies of ENTP's and this really hit home. This notion that orientation to the external is, in a sense, self-denying.

    When ENXP's become unhappy they usually kneejerk and try to change their circumstances. I see this all the time. Externally focused people start with the outside world when they're miserable. They figure a new life will make them happy. New boyfriend, new job, new friends, new experiences. The growth comes from recognizing what the constant factor is in your unhappiness: YOU.

    The thing that hurts more for the people who get used is realizing that they never really knew you. They never really stopped to consider the impact on you. In a way, you were never real. But, I wouldn't be angry at ENXP's because in the end you do not build anything by floating from flower to flower. In the end, you die alone and jaded. Untouched. Unknown.
    Damn, you're right.

    EDIT: But that can be said for all types though - that unhappiness stems from within... So how do you propose we change it?

  2. #82
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    You know, the thing is that being extroverted means just that - that I look for external stimuli. But introverts do the opposite. You can make a case either way for which one causes more trouble... There is plenty of truth to what you are saying, but I've never felt this way around an INTx, for instance. So maybe I am just hanging out with all the wrong people. INTxs are so hard to find irl.
    I think it's more the orientation of the subject to object.

    About being idealistic. I can sympathize. I look at the world through rose colored lenses, too. And you are right about having that catalyst to creativity. I just don't get how that relates to your low self esteem. On a general level, I can understand it, but only in certain contexts. Like if I really like a guy and he doesn't call me or whatever - I can go through a (brief) period of self doubt. But other than that, I look at myself through rose colored glasses too, I guess.
    Because by being idealistic I rob things of their nuances and complexity. I expect myself to be Superman instead of just a complex, yet human individual. Flawed and full of qualities at the same time.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #83
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Damn, you're right.

    EDIT: But that can be said for all types though - that unhappiness stems from within... So how do you propose we change it?
    Dig deep. When you feel bad things grab that slippery snake and observe it. What hole did he come from? What is he about? Let it sit with you.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #84
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I see my flaws, but they just don't bother me. I accept myself the same way I do others - knowing that we are all human. I'm hopelessly head over heels over a man who feels he is flawed, but that's exactly what I like best about him. The realness, the lack of pretense. And that's actually what I like most about myself.

  5. #85
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I see my flaws, but they just don't bother me. I accept myself the same way I do others - knowing that we are all human. I'm hopelessly head over heels over a man who feels he is flawed, but that's exactly what I like best about him. The realness, the lack of pretense. And that's actually what I like most about myself.
    I see flaws in myself, of course. It's part of being a selfish person. This tendency to focus on our own flaws. But the other flaws are harder to acknowledge and these are the ones that govern my relationships. Selfishness, fickleness, insensitivity, etc. I seem less aware of these. This why it is important for me to speak candidly with people who will be honest with me.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #86
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I see flaws in myself, of course. It's part of being a selfish person. This tendency to focus on our own flaws. But the other flaws are harder to acknowledge and these are the ones that govern my relationships. Selfishness, fickleness, insensitivity, etc. I seem less aware of these. This why it is important for me to speak candidly with people who will be honest with me.
    I hear ya. It's good to keep yourself in check. And I can't do that alone yet. Currently, I still need people to make me aware of the level that I can affect a person. Because I am only aware of myself.

    So, to bring it all back home - I rarely meet people that challenge or stimulate me, or encourage me to grow. So I withdraw and try to figure shit out. I analyze and break things apart and that causes further withdrawal. In a perfect world, I would have friends/loved ones that would encourage and be involved in my growth process, rather than me having to always be "on". I also speak candidly, but I need others around me to do the same. I rarely get it. But whatever.

  7. #87
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I hear ya. It's good to keep yourself in check. And I can't do that alone yet. Currently, I still need people to make me aware. So, to bring it all back home - I rarely meet people that challenge or stimulate me, or encourage me to grow. So I withdraw and try to figure shit out. I analyze and break things apart and that causes further withdrawal. In a perfect world, I would have friends/loved ones that would encourage and be involved in my growth process, rather than me having to always be "on". I also speak candidly, but I need others to do the same. I rarely get it. But whatever.
    Do you give them enough time and attention to get to know you? Most people are not going to shoot their mouth off and risk giving the wrong idea. I am sure you might intimidate people who might be really good for you because they might be so different and take time to get comfy.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #88
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Do you give them enough time and attention to get to know you? Most people are not going to shoot their mouth off and risk giving the wrong idea. I am sure you might intimidate people who might be really good for you because they might be so different and take time to get comfy.
    Possibly. Most likely.

    Like I said, I don't know how I affect people - especially if they don't tell me. I can only assume that someone will just tell me whatever needs to be said, since I am not a mind reader.

  9. #89
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Possibly. Most likely.

    Like I said, I don't know how I affect people - especially if they don't tell me. I can only assume that someone will just tell me whatever needs to be said, since I am not a mind reader.
    Hmmmmmmm... I think it might be hard to do that for a lot of people. For me, it seems to take a few years before my friends are comfortable calling me out on things maybe because I am so defensive at first until I trust them.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #90
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Hmmmmmmm... I think it might be hard to do that for a lot of people. For me, it seems to take a few years before my friends are comfortable calling me out on things maybe because I am so defensive at first until I trust them.
    I'm not defensive at all. But I will ask follow up questions which people get terrified of answering. No one ever wants to offend anyone... It's kind of ridiculous. But I get it, in principle.

    Maybe they read my follow up questions as defensiveness? I don't know because they haven't told me. I can't figure out the world, but I will keep withdrawing/trying until I can gain some stable footing.

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