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  1. #131
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A Schnitzel View Post
    Could you also edit out the capslock and preachy, simplistic writing style?
    I know.... The nuggets of wisdom are covered in a thick film of cheesy infomercialesque slime. But there is some seriously useful info to be had underneath it.

    I'm not into games or systems, but you can learn a lot about why men and women behave the way they do, common mistakes and weaknesses, etc. Incorporate what feels right to you, for who you really are ....and flush the rest.

    David Cunningham does not write like that....at least not in his ebooks. I find him much more mature and insightful.

    Here is an example interesting article from David C.... It copy/pasted as a bit of a mess. You can d/l the pdf with this and bunch of other articles here:

    http://www.makingherhappy.com/Break-...e%20Report.PDF

    Love, Attraction, Need and Lust –
    the “Relationship Emotions”



    Today we’re going to talk about the reasons and emotions that cause people to come
    together in long-term relationships, how to identify them and distinguish between them,
    and most important of all, how to know if you’re in a relationship for the right or wrong
    reasons.

    I write about this subject frequently because it is so vital to the success of anyone
    seeking a happy life in a relationship, and I want to write about it every day, because it
    is indeed the cornerstone of every well-rounded, well-matched, and happy relationship.
    These emotions, needs, and reasons are love, attraction, need, and lust. What happens
    if you confuse them? Did you know that they are different?

    Unfortunately, most people don’t, and they are indeed not only different, but entirely
    independent of each other, as you are about to see. Thanks to Hollywood, poets, and
    poor grammar, among other things, many people use the word “love” in referring to all
    four of these very different and entirely unrelated conditions. Do you have any idea of
    the potential impact of such a mistake?

    What if you feel as if you can’t live without somebody, which is need, and mistake that
    for “love,” which simply is “to value”? Will you be valued by someone whom you need,
    treat with jealousy and fear of losing them, causing you to try to control them and abuse
    them when they scare you? Hardly.

    What if you are addicted to sex, and confuse the gratification it gives you with love, or if
    your sense of self-worth mistakenly comes from self-medicating your insecurities about
    your masculinity with frequent sex and marry someone thinking that the feeling you
    have will make the marriage work, when you don’t value the other person, and worse,
    don’t share their values? It’s a disaster that you can look around you and see every day,
    and an all-too-common cause of broken marriages.

    Let’s stop with the what-if’s, since many may not see the difference at this point, and
    define these four conditions:

    To love is to value, to hold in high regard. Over the years, dictionary writers have
    included the other three conditions in their listed definitions for love, not because it was
    correct, but because it had become prevalent in our language as everyone sought
    prudish euphemisms for emotions and conditions they did not want to name because
    they would then have to face them.

    Attraction is also biologically-triggered, automatically and consistently, but it manifests
    as emotional excitement and desire for intimacy and sex with a specific person who has
    triggered it; engaging a person for whom you do not feel attraction will not fulfill the
    desire it creates, which differentiates it from lust. It is not, however, a feeling or
    indication of value, because a person can feel attraction for someone they literally
    despise, such as women who crave the attention of men who beat them and wait for
    them to come home for prison, telling themselves it will be different this time, or men
    who try to drink themselves to death or engage in other self-destructive behavior
    because they can no longer sleep with the wife that just left them and took everything
    he owned to boot.

    Lust is a purely physical, biologically-caused desire to engage in sexual acts with
    another person – any person. Lust can even be at least partially satisfied by
    masturbation because it is just physical. The orgasm (sometimes multiples are required)
    sets off a cascade of chemical reactions that ends the state of heightened sexual
    desire. Neither love nor attraction is required to experience lust; in can indeed by
    induced by oral or injected medication, including testosterone, the male sex hormone.

    Need is just that, a demand placed upon another person for something they have,
    usually their life. Where love is characterized by a strong feeling of happiness when with
    its object, and wanting the object of your love to be happy as well, looking forward to
    your next meeting, etc., need is characterized by a fear of losing another person, and
    thoughts center around what will happen if they are no longer in your life, creating an
    overwhelming concern for not being able to live without them. Where love causes one to
    do nice things for another and enjoy it, need causes one to either try to “buy off”
    someone with nice gestures or to overwhelm, manipulate, and/or control them,
    resenting them and the power they hold over one at some – if not all – times.

    Not one of these four conditions is in any way related to or dependent upon another;
    any of the four can be experienced in the total absence of the other three. This blows a
    lot of poetic notions and language right out of the water, such as “making love,” “in
    love,” “love child,” etc., but that’s irrelevant. What is supremely relevant is that you must
    accept these conditions and their differences as they are, understand them, and
    appropriately create them, enjoy them, or guard against them (as in the case of need,
    lust, and at times, even attraction) in your own committed relationship or marriage:

    • Yes, you want to love and be loved. If you’re not valued by the person you value,
    or don’t value a person who values you, you’re mismatched, and doomed to a life
    of boredom and resentment at best, and most likely headed for conflict,
    resentment, affairs and divorce.

    • If you experience lust and indiscriminately desire sex with people outside your
    relationship, your partner may resent it tremendously, as you might if the shoe is
    on the other foot (not all people regard sex as exclusive to a single partner –
    “open relationships,” etc.). Such hedonistic desire and values can only work in a
    relationship where both partners share such a value structure and view of sex,
    and rarely if ever is it enough to support a relationship.

    • Attraction for your partner is a wonderful thing, as is having them attracted to
    you, but attraction outside the partnership can be disastrous in the same way and
    for the same reasons as lust, except it can be worse because of the emotional
    element that goes with attraction. A relationship without attraction between the
    partners is a simple friendship, and a boring one. Such a relationship with love
    but no attraction is the relationship where you hear about partners having affairs,
    saying, “I love my husband/wife dearly, but I need more.” That “more” is the
    excitement, fun, etc., that are created by attraction, and if they are missing,
    trouble’s coming or already upon you.

    • Need is bad for everybody. If you or your partner is being needy, the negative
    emotions described above will be present, especially in a codependent pair. If the
    symptoms of need are found, somebody needs to start an intense effort to
    increase self-esteem to a healthy level. If it can’t be done, the relationship is
    virtually doomed, and a “defensive exit” must be considered after all other
    options are exhausted. Partners want partners, not dependents, and I can’t tell
    you how many times I’ve heard women say, “He was fun when we met, but he
    turned out to be so needy I just couldn’t stomach him,” or men say, “Well, she
    waited on me hand and foot, and that was the problem. It wasn’t because she
    cared that much about me, it was that she was that insecure and just smothered
    me to death.”

    Gentlemen (and Ladies!) I know many of you may be thinking that this is a load of
    crappy opinion and that it doesn’t work that way for you, but it’s not. It works this way for
    everyone, and unfortunately, many are unable to see it until so much damage has been
    done that they are forced to drop all pretenses in a last-ditch effort to salvage and
    redeem their lives. Don’t let this happen to you. Accept reality and make the choice to
    use it to your advantage in fixing and enhancing your relationship instead of fighting it
    while your relationship continues to come apart. It’s not hard to do when you know how.

    I can’t and won’t tell you that everything that you could possibly ever want to know is in
    “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” but there is more than enough
    included to fix issues that can be fixed and help you identify both major and minor
    issues that can’t be fixed (such as drug addicts, abusers, codependent partners, etc.)
    and deal with them appropriately as well. It’s been tested and worked for everyone that
    has used it so far, and to this date I have yet to be asked for a refund – can you imagine
    how significant that is in an industry where people frequently buy downloadable
    information with full intention of asking for a refund and keeping the information??? It’s
    so profound and works so well that even people who may not be intending to pay for it
    are deciding it’s worth every penny. Read the writing on the wall, make the choice to
    take responsibility and improve your life and relationship, and take charge by getting
    your copy today at Advice to Save YOUR Relationship and Marriage. I know I sound like a broken
    record, but life really is too short to spending it wishing you had answers when they are
    this readily available and affordable.

    In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
    David Cunningham
    I 60% / N 60% / T 64% / P 76%

    You always get what you settle for.

  2. #132
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    ^^One other note--that PUA stuff is bullshit. I had it done to me once and it comes off douchebaggy and very very weird.

  3. #133
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    I know.... The nuggets of wisdom are covered in a thick film of cheesy infomercialesque slime. But there is some seriously useful info to be had underneath it.
    Then edit just to that, jeez. The whole point is be confident and look attractive right? I hope you didn't give this guy too much of your money... I admire him, really. It takes a great bullshitter to have someone willingly give you their money for teaching them how to overcome insecurity, by attacking their insecurities. Bravo.

    Now, there's a bridge I have that you might be interested in...

    Let me explain how to "get" a girl: you can't. Either someone likes you, or they don't. And even after that initial attraction, there is compatibility to be thought about.

    But if you are really desperate, beg your female friends for help. I have a friend who begs me to go to events with him because I am so extroverted. I tend to talk to anyone around me and bring them into conversations. I make the girls he's interested in relaxed and somehow me being there "vouches" for him...

  4. #134
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Let me explain how to "get" a girl: you can't. Either someone likes you, or they don't. And even after that initial attraction, there is compatibility to be thought about.
    Couldnt have said it better myself.

    But if you are really desperate, beg your female friends for help. I have a friend who begs me to go to events with him because I am so extroverted. I tend to talk to anyone around me and bring them into conversations. I make the girls he's interested in relaxed and somehow me being there "vouches" for him...
    The wingman thing can be good, but can also be a double edge sword depending how attractive friend who is a girl is. Interested females may just as likely be pulled in as frightened off by the apparent competition.

  5. #135
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-up Rex View Post

    The wingman thing can be good, but can also be a double edge sword depending how attractive friend who is a girl is. Interested females may just as likely be pulled in as frightened off by the apparent competition.
    Possibly. But it's better than never going out and never speaking to anyone. Plus, out here every woman is hella attractive so it's no big deal. NYC is full of confident and beautiful people, and it takes more than just a pretty face to make someone intimidated. I know most women here would not want to be with a man who had unattractive friends or exes, because they "don't want to be a part of that club". I'm not joking.

  6. #136
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Possibly. But it's better than never going out and never speaking to anyone. Plus, out here every woman is hella attractive so it's no big deal. NYC is full of confident and beautiful people, and it takes more than just a pretty face to make someone intimidated. I know most women here would not want to be with a man who had unattractive friends or exes, because they "don't want to be a part of that club". I'm not joking.
    It wasnt an all or nothing thing, just a caveat. Also, in almost any scenario NYC is going to be the exception and not the rule.

  7. #137
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-up Rex View Post
    Also, in almost any scenario NYC is going to be the exception and not the rule.
    Why almost any scenario? There are a few differences but men and women are men and women all over the globe.

  8. #138
    Senior Member weminuche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Let me explain how to "get" a girl: you can't. Either someone likes you, or they don't.
    The question of the OP wasn't how "get" a specific girl. I have never met anyone who didn't have plenty left to learn about maintaining a healthy relationship, and it is safe to say that most INTP's could benefit from learning and honing their skills for meeting and interviewing prospective candidates in order to find someone with whom they might share mutual attraction and compatibility.

    There is plenty of free info out there.

    Since you already know all there is to know on this matter and consider the topic pointless, I'm left wondering why you are here reading and responding to this thread.
    I 60% / N 60% / T 64% / P 76%

    You always get what you settle for.

  9. #139
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by weminuche View Post
    Since you already know all there is to know on this matter and consider the topic pointless, I'm left wondering why you are here reading and responding to this thread.
    When did I ever say I considered the topic pointless? No, just your post.

  10. #140
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Why almost any scenario? There are a few differences but men and women are men and women all over the globe.
    Because the city has a culture thats relatively unique, and therefore when people use an example from that culture as a general principle for anything other than how things work in NYC it probably does not apply. Same is true for DC, LA, Paris, London or any other large city thats also a major cultural center. The kind of competitive, status dating that you described is probably something youd find in very limited circles outside of where you live. For that reason, it was a moot criticism to the point I made.

    As for your second point, I agree with you. That's why we made similar comments on the importance of confidence when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, and that the buddy system is helpful in most situations in the dating scene. And also probably agree that just getting out there is the best policy, as opposed to the counterproductive, stilted bullshit weminuche posted.

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