I'm not into games or systems, but you can learn a lot about why men and women behave the way they do, common mistakes and weaknesses, etc. Incorporate what feels right to you, for who you really are ....and flush the rest.
David Cunningham does not write like that....at least not in his ebooks. I find him much more mature and insightful.
Here is an example interesting article from David C.... It copy/pasted as a bit of a mess. You can d/l the pdf with this and bunch of other articles here:
Love, Attraction, Need and Lust –
the “Relationship Emotions”
Today we’re going to talk about the reasons and emotions that cause people to come
together in long-term relationships, how to identify them and distinguish between them,
and most important of all, how to know if you’re in a relationship for the right or wrong
I write about this subject frequently because it is so vital to the success of anyone
seeking a happy life in a relationship, and I want to write about it every day, because it
is indeed the cornerstone of every well-rounded, well-matched, and happy relationship.
These emotions, needs, and reasons are love, attraction, need, and lust. What happens
if you confuse them? Did you know that they are different?
Unfortunately, most people don’t, and they are indeed not only different, but entirely
independent of each other, as you are about to see. Thanks to Hollywood, poets, and
poor grammar, among other things, many people use the word “love” in referring to all
four of these very different and entirely unrelated conditions. Do you have any idea of
the potential impact of such a mistake?
What if you feel as if you can’t live without somebody, which is need, and mistake that
for “love,” which simply is “to value”? Will you be valued by someone whom you need,
treat with jealousy and fear of losing them, causing you to try to control them and abuse
them when they scare you? Hardly.
What if you are addicted to sex, and confuse the gratification it gives you with love, or if
your sense of self-worth mistakenly comes from self-medicating your insecurities about
your masculinity with frequent sex and marry someone thinking that the feeling you
have will make the marriage work, when you don’t value the other person, and worse,
don’t share their values? It’s a disaster that you can look around you and see every day,
and an all-too-common cause of broken marriages.
Let’s stop with the what-if’s, since many may not see the difference at this point, and
define these four conditions:
To love is to value, to hold in high regard. Over the years, dictionary writers have
included the other three conditions in their listed definitions for love, not because it was
correct, but because it had become prevalent in our language as everyone sought
prudish euphemisms for emotions and conditions they did not want to name because
they would then have to face them.
Attraction is also biologically-triggered, automatically and consistently, but it manifests
as emotional excitement and desire for intimacy and sex with a specific person who has
triggered it; engaging a person for whom you do not feel attraction will not fulfill the
desire it creates, which differentiates it from lust. It is not, however, a feeling or
indication of value, because a person can feel attraction for someone they literally
despise, such as women who crave the attention of men who beat them and wait for
them to come home for prison, telling themselves it will be different this time, or men
who try to drink themselves to death or engage in other self-destructive behavior
because they can no longer sleep with the wife that just left them and took everything
he owned to boot.
Lust is a purely physical, biologically-caused desire to engage in sexual acts with
another person – any person. Lust can even be at least partially satisfied by
masturbation because it is just physical. The orgasm (sometimes multiples are required)
sets off a cascade of chemical reactions that ends the state of heightened sexual
desire. Neither love nor attraction is required to experience lust; in can indeed by
induced by oral or injected medication, including testosterone, the male sex hormone.
Need is just that, a demand placed upon another person for something they have,
usually their life. Where love is characterized by a strong feeling of happiness when with
its object, and wanting the object of your love to be happy as well, looking forward to
your next meeting, etc., need is characterized by a fear of losing another person, and
thoughts center around what will happen if they are no longer in your life, creating an
overwhelming concern for not being able to live without them. Where love causes one to
do nice things for another and enjoy it, need causes one to either try to “buy off”
someone with nice gestures or to overwhelm, manipulate, and/or control them,
resenting them and the power they hold over one at some – if not all – times.
Not one of these four conditions is in any way related to or dependent upon another;
any of the four can be experienced in the total absence of the other three. This blows a
lot of poetic notions and language right out of the water, such as “making love,” “in
love,” “love child,” etc., but that’s irrelevant. What is supremely relevant is that you must
accept these conditions and their differences as they are, understand them, and
appropriately create them, enjoy them, or guard against them (as in the case of need,
lust, and at times, even attraction) in your own committed relationship or marriage:
• Yes, you want to love and be loved. If you’re not valued by the person you value,
or don’t value a person who values you, you’re mismatched, and doomed to a life
of boredom and resentment at best, and most likely headed for conflict,
resentment, affairs and divorce.
• If you experience lust and indiscriminately desire sex with people outside your
relationship, your partner may resent it tremendously, as you might if the shoe is
on the other foot (not all people regard sex as exclusive to a single partner –
“open relationships,” etc.). Such hedonistic desire and values can only work in a
relationship where both partners share such a value structure and view of sex,
and rarely if ever is it enough to support a relationship.
• Attraction for your partner is a wonderful thing, as is having them attracted to
you, but attraction outside the partnership can be disastrous in the same way and
for the same reasons as lust, except it can be worse because of the emotional
element that goes with attraction. A relationship without attraction between the
partners is a simple friendship, and a boring one. Such a relationship with love
but no attraction is the relationship where you hear about partners having affairs,
saying, “I love my husband/wife dearly, but I need more.” That “more” is the
excitement, fun, etc., that are created by attraction, and if they are missing,
trouble’s coming or already upon you.
• Need is bad for everybody. If you or your partner is being needy, the negative
emotions described above will be present, especially in a codependent pair. If the
symptoms of need are found, somebody needs to start an intense effort to
increase self-esteem to a healthy level. If it can’t be done, the relationship is
virtually doomed, and a “defensive exit” must be considered after all other
options are exhausted. Partners want partners, not dependents, and I can’t tell
you how many times I’ve heard women say, “He was fun when we met, but he
turned out to be so needy I just couldn’t stomach him,” or men say, “Well, she
waited on me hand and foot, and that was the problem. It wasn’t because she
cared that much about me, it was that she was that insecure and just smothered
me to death.”
Gentlemen (and Ladies!) I know many of you may be thinking that this is a load of
crappy opinion and that it doesn’t work that way for you, but it’s not. It works this way for
everyone, and unfortunately, many are unable to see it until so much damage has been
done that they are forced to drop all pretenses in a last-ditch effort to salvage and
redeem their lives. Don’t let this happen to you. Accept reality and make the choice to
use it to your advantage in fixing and enhancing your relationship instead of fighting it
while your relationship continues to come apart. It’s not hard to do when you know how.
I can’t and won’t tell you that everything that you could possibly ever want to know is in
“THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” but there is more than enough
included to fix issues that can be fixed and help you identify both major and minor
issues that can’t be fixed (such as drug addicts, abusers, codependent partners, etc.)
and deal with them appropriately as well. It’s been tested and worked for everyone that
has used it so far, and to this date I have yet to be asked for a refund – can you imagine
how significant that is in an industry where people frequently buy downloadable
information with full intention of asking for a refund and keeping the information??? It’s
so profound and works so well that even people who may not be intending to pay for it
are deciding it’s worth every penny. Read the writing on the wall, make the choice to
take responsibility and improve your life and relationship, and take charge by getting
your copy today at Advice to Save YOUR Relationship and Marriage. I know I sound like a broken
record, but life really is too short to spending it wishing you had answers when they are
this readily available and affordable.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!