[NT] NTs and social anxiety

[Night]

I know the popular perception is that extraverts don't experience social anxiety, but this is really not true at all...

I try to convert social anxiety into a sense of general enthusiasm for the task at hand. The psychological distance between unease and excitement is often quite minimal.

 

[mortabunt]

I suffer from social anxiety. Immature (teenage) ES's are just about all the people I know, and they hate me, but not with the fury that I return back. They treat me like a diseased freak.

 

[jenocyde]

I suffer from social anxiety. Immature (teenage) ES's are just about all the people I know, and they hate me, but not with the fury that I return back. They treat me like a diseased freak.

Better to be this:

than this:

 

[mortabunt]

^My thoughts exactly.

 

[onemoretime]

Social anxiety in an NT seems to be the result of social interaction leading to outcomes that do not follow apparent logic to the individual. Often, this results from either a solipsist view of the universe, or psychological projection (this is the way I think, they're obviously wrong for reacting another way). It also can result from an immature form of empathy, as the connection isn't quite yet made that the things that offend the NT also offend others, even if it comes from the NT (who often has no intention of offense).

It's in this maturing process that I see as being the reason that most NTs end up progressing in success as they grow older - as we become more adept at engaging with others, the compendium of knowledge that we naturally assembled in our younger days becomes a source of wonder and amazement for our peers (who now are in various stages of this information gathering), and we often assume an elder statesman role.

 

[The Ü™]

Well, I certainly don't consider myself socially awkward at all. I don't think anyone else does, either. They're just projecting.

I mean, sure, I have fears of failure and get anxious, but I'm not socially awkward by any means. I'm actually quite charming.

It just so happens that subjects most people talk about are trivial to me.

 

[quinn]

I've been diagnosed with and am on medication for social anxiety disorder. I'm also really, really socially inept. I have no idea what to do in 90% of social situations, and it takes months for me to get to the point in a friendship where I can approach a friend and start a conversation with them other than the other way around.

High school is ridiculous (I am a giant loner) and it doesn't help that I care more about Monty Python than American Idol or Kurt Vonnegut novels more than Twilight. I didn't mean to become a pretentious, precocious teenager, it just kind of happened. I really can't make small talk with my peers because half the time I have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

Also, my school, like many other public places, is full of ES folk, so the general opinion is that I am either depressed, angry (sup typical INTJ facial expression - all pissed off, all the time!), a bit "special", or a combination of all three. I even get "you are a pathetic freak" vibes from ES teachers, which is kind of awkward, since I am usually awful at reading people's emotions, so if I can read the pity in their face then it must be pretty damn strong.

Really, being ignored doesn't make me angry so much as having people try to white knight for me by babying me or sticking up for me in social situations. If you don't let me learn how to make myself approachable, you're just hindering my social progress. Same with "sticking up for me", which I can actually do for myself, thank you very much. Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm gonna let someone walk all over me. I can pick my own battles.

Oh, and just let me say thank you to all the lovely ENTPs I've met who have the stamina to put up with me 180 days a year. They are the only people who seem to challenge me, regard me as an equal and (gasp!) actually like me rather than pity me in that whole godforsaken place. You guys are the best

tl;dr Socially awkward INTJs are socially awkward. Nothing we don't already know.

 

[Jwill]

I used to have more social anxiety as a kid, but I've outgrown that. My introversion and intuition balanced out a bit.

I think INTJs aren't so much socially awkward as socially apathetic. Often, they don't care enough to put forth effort at socializing. When I was younger, I knew that small talk was important for social success, but I didn't care enough about having social success to deal with it. I think social awkwardness comes more from people who aren't apathetic about interacting with strangers.

 

[jenocyde]

Oh, and just let me say thank you to all the lovely ENTPs I've met who have the stamina to put up with me 180 days a year. They are the only people who seem to challenge me, regard me as an equal and (gasp!) actually like me rather than pity me in that whole godforsaken place. You guys are the best

tl;dr Socially awkward INTJs are socially awkward. Nothing we don't already know.

Thank you. We like you too.

 

[durentu]

social anxiety is not difficult to conquer. I find most people who are good at public speaking are actually introverts. There are people who can speak to thousands of people without fear and improvise as he go along. Imagine people who make a fool out of themselves in front of thousands of people and everyone knows about it.

Avoiding is not the best way to deal with it. The best way to deal with your fear is to confront it and forgive yourself when you can't face it. I done alot of things that I felt ashamed of, but I know its all part of the process.

A billion words are being spoken on this planet every day (maybe a trillion I don't know, but a very large number). What words are classified as stupid?

agreed.

Also to help clarify, many of the actors are introverts too. The similarity between public speaking and acting is that you can assume a different persona. On top of that, you are not having a conversation with your audience. Like a lecture, you are telling something.

 

[SecantSquared]

I've been diagnosed with and am on medication for social anxiety disorder. I'm also really, really socially inept. I have no idea what to do in 90% of social situations, and it takes months for me to get to the point in a friendship where I can approach a friend and start a conversation with them other than the other way around.

High school is ridiculous (I am a giant loner) and it doesn't help that I care more about Monty Python than American Idol or Kurt Vonnegut novels more than Twilight. I didn't mean to become a pretentious, precocious teenager, it just kind of happened. I really can't make small talk with my peers because half the time I have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

Also, my school, like many other public places, is full of ES folk, so the general opinion is that I am either depressed, angry (sup typical INTJ facial expression - all pissed off, all the time!), a bit "special", or a combination of all three. I even get "you are a pathetic freak" vibes from ES teachers, which is kind of awkward, since I am usually awful at reading people's emotions, so if I can read the pity in their face then it must be pretty damn strong.

Really, being ignored doesn't make me angry so much as having people try to white knight for me by babying me or sticking up for me in social situations. If you don't let me learn how to make myself approachable, you're just hindering my social progress. Same with "sticking up for me", which I can actually do for myself, thank you very much. Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm gonna let someone walk all over me. I can pick my own battles.

Oh, and just let me say thank you to all the lovely ENTPs I've met who have the stamina to put up with me 180 days a year. They are the only people who seem to challenge me, regard me as an equal and (gasp!) actually like me rather than pity me in that whole godforsaken place. You guys are the best

tl;dr Socially awkward INTJs are socially awkward. Nothing we don't already know.

three quarters of the things you just said are exactly how i feel. Nice to know there's someone else out there going through the same damn thing.

I used to have more social anxiety as a kid, but I've outgrown that. My introversion and intuition balanced out a bit.

I think INTJs aren't so much socially awkward as socially apathetic. Often, they don't care enough to put forth effort at socializing. When I was younger, I knew that small talk was important for social success, but I didn't care enough about having social success to deal with it. I think social awkwardness comes more from people who aren't apathetic about interacting with strangers.

I think that the social apathy is a direct result and/or mask for the social awkward...ness.

 

[LavaLucy]

social anxiety is not difficult to conquer.

No one who has ever suffered from SA disorder could agree with that.

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

I know that I have a lot of anxiety, namely social. Well, I don't really externalize on it but it's very internal and present. There are a lot of situations, I remain nonchalant about but I'm more or less avoidant of situations with people. Especially if it's something new that involves interacting with people, I have to learn the ropes before I dive in. I may know what I want to say to a person but not quite know how to word it. Or if someone needs comfort, I want to be there for them but I can't quite find the words to say.

I want it to be genuine and not be phoned in. Or sometimes in the moment, I just say the wrong things, then moments later, I realize that I put my foot in my mouth. I have to be familiar with the people involved in order to have lessened anxiety. It's the social anxiety that has held me back in life in a lot of ways but I have learned to overcome it over the years. In many ways, it will always be present, some things people struggle with their entire lives, but we can still work to improve ourselves.

 

[Greed]

i think i have a fair bit of it.