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[MBTI General] Holiday Apathy

Misty_Mountain_Rose

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Jul 21, 2008
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My Mom is an ISFJ. All throughout my childhood, holidays were a BIG deal. She went all the way... and often over the top... but we all looked forward to each and every one.

As a parent, I often feel guilty because I don't seem to have the same excitement (Ok, it's non-existent most of the time) and I struggle with making ANY kind of deal at all of it for my daughter. It's a chore and a burden. For me, most holidays are just like any other day. This is made worse by the fact that most of my family doesn't live anywhere near us so we often have no one to celebrate with. Lets face it, making a big turkey dinner for 2 is a little depressing.

Yet, I still manage to make some kind of effort. The result though is disappointing in my mind when I think of all the things my Mom did, and its done out of a sense of obligation (my child should know what it's like to have a Christmas tree and how to color easter eggs) rather than a true sense of enjoyment on my part. I have to fake the smile and the excitement.

Maybe its just part of growing older... maybe my parents faked their asses off too. Maybe its the INT selfishness that bogs me down.

Whatever it is... I wish it wouldn't dog me so frequently. :sad:

Does anyone else experience this?
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
Maybe I am wrong but to me it looks like that all over developed world holidays are losing on their imporatnce.

So I don't think you are doing something really odd.


Btw. I am not holiday person.
 

RenaiReborn

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meh. Holidays = day, an excuse for expenditures.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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Well, the trick is to think about something you wanted to do but couldn't for some reason, or were afraid to do (you know, like rollercoasters or whatever). And do it anyway/then.

I mean, you don't have to be mother theresa or anything. Just do something you like to do.
 

ceecee

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I hated the holidays when I was growing up. My mother got so stressed out and it made them a nightmare. When I had children of my own I was determined not to let anyone suck the fun out of holidays for them. I created a lot of our own traditions. For example - no formal type meals on Christmas. If we feel like fried chicken, that's what we have. Spend the whole day in pajamas and watch A Christmas Story. I still hide Easter eggs and they still color them even though my two are grown and nearly grown. You take what you like from tradition and toss the rest.
 

sculpting

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Jan 28, 2009
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I have boycotted all holidays this year. Next year I plan on doing them my way which is likely nothing like my former in laws do them.

My former mom-in-law has thei very odd Fe approach to everything and all the holidays have all these rules. But thier whole family missed the point of the holidays in the first place.

I am rebelling and saying work is the excuse this year.
 

Alwar

The Architect
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Holidays would be important if they had anything to do with family and community, but anymore its just marketing and expenditures like KristinSnowdeal said.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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I can relate to not getting that into holidays. With a small family it might make sense to invent traditions that fit with your needs. You mentioned the trouble of cooking a big turkey dinner for two. There might be an especially delicious restaurant open on Thanksgiving that you could go to for an easier tradition. One of my favorite memories of Thanksgiving was when I was away from home, but was able to visit my brother and sister at college. We went to a gas station, microwaved and ate frozen burritos for Thanksgiving dinner. For some reason that is one of my favorite memories. Sometimes a simple, but original memories can mean a great deal. Also, for kids there might be activities that others plan for things like Easter egg hunts. I would suggest finding activities that others have planned, or making simple, convenient family plans. The memories can still mean a lot.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
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Messages
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I used to love holidays! An excuse to be happy for no reason. Especially Christmas. Something about it was just so... magical (not just the presents hehe). But somehow... things just aren't the same any more. It makes me feel awful that it doesn't have that magical feeling anymore. It's just another day. D: I think most everyone feels this way when they get older. I've also noticed that my parents aren't as enthusiastic about holidays either. I think they "slack off" because we've (my siblings) gotten older. I try my best to make them special for my younger brother, but really I'm faking it. So I kinda know what you mean there.

Maybe on some holidays you could do some traveling and visit your relatives. I don't know if this would be possible for you, but I've always thought family togetherness makes holidays more enjoyable. I would always love it when it was Christmastime and most of my aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, you name it came over to our house to celebrate.
 

Risen

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Maybe I am wrong but to me it looks like that all over developed world holidays are losing on their imporatnce.

I would hazard a guess that this is mainly happening in western societies, not so much worldwide where cultures are VERY different, and they have much stronger family cohesion, values, religious faith, and reverence for the true meaning behind whatever holidays they celebrate.
 
Joined
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I understand why people would get disillusioned with holidays and not want to celebrate them. But I love holidays. I think the key for me is to concentrate on what it means to me - my memories and my traditions. Everyone doesn't have to celebrate in the same fashion, and I don't see commercialism or overhype as an obstacle to my personal enjoyment of the holidays.
 

kelric

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I hated the holidays when I was growing up. My mother got so stressed out and it made them a nightmare.
I was in the same boat. Holidays have always been, for me, something to endure, and never something to enjoy. When my parents got divorced it really started to take off, and even now, 20 years later, I'm always relieved when they're over (I still get beaten up with guilt-trips about once every year or two). I don't have kids, so I'm still sort of stuck with the expectation that I'll "come home for the holidays".

Personally, I don't have any sort of desire to celebrate holidays, birthdays, etc. They're all pretty much arbitrary, and the traditions associated with them are more of a burden than anything. I could see feeling differently about things like anniversaries, perhaps.

Holidays would be important if they had anything to do with family and community, but anymore its just marketing and expenditures like KristinSnowdeal said.
The commercialization of holidays annoys me to no end too, but it's mostly the stress of expectations. The holidays I tend to like the most are the ones that have neither commercialization nor expectations placed on them (Labor day's a favorite) - simply days off to do as I like, either with friends/family or alone. Christmas, with both massive commercialization and (beyond) massive stress, is the worst.
 

Tallulah

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I can definitely relate to the OP, Misty. I like holidays sometimes, especially if someone else plans the festivities. But I don't decorate and plan and all that myself much. Every once in a while, I'll get excited and have people over for dinner or something, but then it passes. And I do get irritated at having to listen to Christmas music starting in September, but that's another issue--this really isn't about the commercialization of holidays.

I don't have kids, but I have often worried that I wouldn't be a great parent because my life wouldn't revolve around my kids' lives and making things fun for them. It'd probably be more like fitting kids into my own life and what's convenient for me. Which I know would suck for them. But I'm not the type to read Parenting and buy the stuff to make little giraffes out of papier mache and pipe cleaners or to spend every Saturday afternoon of my life watching 5-year-olds play teeball. Every once in a while, I'd probably feel guilty and do something crafty with them or play a board game, but mostly, that stuff bores the heck out of me, and I have to psych myself up to do it with my niece and nephew. I have a feeling holidays would be the same, unless I had a husband that took over in that area.
 

forzen

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Only reason i like holidays is because it gets me off work. Other than that, just another day i guess, maybe a day to reminence on fond memory i had when i was a kid...when i cared about it.
 

jenocyde

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I hate holidays. just one more thing to fucking remember...
 

metaphours

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the reason i dislike holidays so much is because you know they're gonna come to an end :S
 

Saslou

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Being an ESFJ, holidays HAVE to be special (esp xmas and birthdays). Every occasion, i am left disappointed. I believe my expectations are just to high and i major suck. Being with an INTJ during these holidays sucked even more as he didn't seem to be enjoying himself (other than cooking the food), looked miserable most of the time and just generally treated it as another day. :huh:
 

Grungemouse

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As long as I have an internet café in the vicinity, I'm generally okay with holidays. a 10 day holiday is certainly enough, though. A day longer and I suffer from cabin fever. :blink:
 

kelric

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Being an ESFJ, holidays HAVE to be special (esp xmas and birthdays). Every occasion, i am left disappointed.
I think that's part of the problem that so many people have with holidays. To some people, they're incredibly important and special, something to be cherished and enjoyed - and to others, they're something uncomfortable to endure. Certainly those are two extremes, but I suspect that there are many families with one or both types present. I know mine is/was one of them. Some people come out of them feeling disappointed and let down, others come out of them feeling inadequate and yet somehow relieved. Add into the mix that the holidays that are the most important to some (you mentioned xmas/birthdays) are exactly the ones that folks like me dread the most. Can be a frustrating mix for all :(.

I believe my expectations are just to high
Probably.

and i major suck.
Unlikely :).

Being with an INTJ during these holidays sucked even more as he didn't seem to be enjoying himself (other than cooking the food), looked miserable most of the time and just generally treated it as another day. :huh:
I think that's pretty common - I know that it's the way I feel. To me, holidays are just another day (at best), and I just don't see the big deal. I hate to make light of your unfortunate experience with your INTJ... but I can *totally* see him enjoying preparing the meal (let me guess - he was more or less by himself here, and had a task to try and excel at/focus on, rather than socializing/entertaining)... and then being uncomfortable the rest of the time.

I don't know if there's an answer to this - it's not even a situation that's particularly amenable to compromise. I know that my Mom (who I believe would agree with you on the importance of holidays) would prefer lots of family holiday get-togethers, whereas I'd prefer a phone call (if that - holiday calls tend to have more potential for ugliness and conflict than any other) and visiting at pretty much any other time of the year. If I had a family of my own, I could probably tolerate small, casual get togethers on perhaps one or two holidays a year... but I'd still be glad when they were over.
 

Tallulah

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As long as I have an internet café in the vicinity, I'm generally okay with holidays. a 10 day holiday is certainly enough, though. A day longer and I suffer from cabin fever. :blink:

Heh--holidays in the American sense of the word, is what the OP's referring to. I freaking LOVE holidays in the British sense. The more days off/vacation, the better.
 
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