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  1. #1
    Senior Member run's Avatar
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    Default social no-man's land

    I realized tonight that there's a gap of time between the moment people realize how little I talk, and the moment I'm comfortable enough around them to talk.

    I get stuck in the stagnant waters of no-man's land quite a lot. It's like a first impression. The damage is done.

    What do you do to keep the doors open between you and others?

    edit: not really a bad first impression. When people think you're quiet, they think you don't want to talk and that's not always true. That's the problem.

  2. #2
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Well I have tried sending you visitor messages from time to time, but alas no feedback.

    There was no damage, still isn't; although, I am glad that you recognize it. Not that you need to change it if you are comfortable.
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

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  3. #3
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    Bash the doors in with a sledgehammer of strangeness (likely to fail).

  4. #4
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    Beer. (or Xanax)

    Problem solved.

    First impressions can change if you don't reinforce the first impression.

    Why do you find talking to people uncomfortable?

  5. #5
    Senior Member run's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Owl View Post
    Why do you find talking to people uncomfortable?
    Quote Originally Posted by Eiddy View Post
    There was no damage, still isn't; although, I am glad that you recognize it. Not that you need to change it if you are comfortable.
    Its not uncomfortable, just draining to get small talk going somewhere.

  6. #6
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    that sucks. I'm the opposite...i get to know people too easily on the first
    couple of meetings, but sometimes I get a little nervous when things sta-
    rt to get more personal, maybe because I have had a lot of friends that s-
    eemed to go as easily as they came, even though I don't really have 'trust'
    issues, I've learned to be careful who you trust not to leave too much.

    ENTJs aren't really introverts or loners, but sometimes we have being loners
    thrust upon us. But here's a hint...I've learned to think of it as being a litt-
    le bit mysterious. It helps to take a little of the social anxiety off when you
    start to wonder who notices how many people you have or don't hanging aro-
    und you.

  7. #7
    Senior Member run's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunset5678 View Post
    But here's a hint...I've learned to think of it as being a litt-
    le bit mysterious. It helps to take a little of the social anxiety off when you
    start to wonder who notices how many people you have or don't hanging aro-
    und you.
    That's cool...

  8. #8
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    I realized tonight that there's a gap of time between the moment people realize how little I talk, and the moment I'm comfortable enough around them to talk.

    I get stuck in the stagnant waters of no-man's land quite a lot. It's like a first impression. The damage is done.

    What do you do to keep the doors open between you and others?

    edit: not really a bad first impression. When people think you're quiet, they think you don't want to talk and that's not always true. That's the problem.
    I know what you're talking about. I have that sometimes as well. What you can do in social situations is have a couple of stories memorized so you can start talking about those. Good topics would be past holiday memories, interesting things you did etc.. If you know someone a little better you can also always just admit you've got no conversation topic at the moment. Just admitting it is taking away a lot of the discomfort on both you and your conversation partner. Nobody looks antisocial for not knowing what to say.

  9. #9
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Yeah I think I know what your talking about.

    Like that social akwardness were your unsure because you don't really know the other person yet. I seem really quiet and shy at first until I'm more comfortable at which point i become really sociable.
    Not really sure how to overcome it. I think shimmys idea about some funny/interesting stories is a good one.
    I actually have a story about the same thing.
    I was in a yearly show a while back. Started when I was a kid then left and came back at 15. At first I was really shy but after the first year I started to talk to the others my age and we had a sort of group. Then the second year I really came out my shell because I was comfortable by then and got a solo in the show. Then I got an award off of the producer for most improved performer because of how much more confident I was.
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  10. #10
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by run View Post
    Its not uncomfortable, just draining to get small talk going somewhere.
    Don't settle for boring small talk. There's always a way to make it interesting without going anywhere.
    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    sheesh humans! for realz

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