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  1. #41
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Apparently she didn't mind , just absolutely confused as to how the hell I had the energy.

    Without a girlfriend I end up kind of stuck trying to figure out what to do because of the other stuff I already mentioned...
    well yeah, if it's an actual girlfriend. It's different when you get that about the local barmaid or, well, whoever you happen to be talking to, and start toying with the idea of seducing her just because you can, and you know you can, you (i.e. me) arrogant fuck, even though you know you'll lose interest the minute you see in her eyes that she's yours. :P

    Yah. It's really a good idea for me to stay single and not seek to be otherwise. Not only am I happier alone, and able to be more fulfilled through devoting more of my time to the things that are important to me (due to not having to devote chunks of it to one person)... but also, because of the physical realities of my life, I know that really I can't actually go through with it. So if I didn't make the decision to close the door to all that area of life for me permanently, I know I would be spending a lot of my time having to fight very hard against toying with people.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #42
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    well yeah, if it's an actual girlfriend. It's different when you get that about the local barmaid or, well, whoever you happen to be talking to, and start toying with the idea of seducing her just because you can, and you know you can, you (i.e. me) arrogant fuck, even though you know you'll lose interest the minute you see in her eyes that she's yours. :P

    Yah. It's really a good idea for me to stay single and not seek to be otherwise. Not only am I happier alone, and able to be more fulfilled through devoting more of my time to the things that are important to me (due to not having to devote chunks of it to one person)... but also, because of the physical realities of my life, I know that really I can't actually go through with it. So if I didn't make the decision to close the door to all that area of life for me permanently, I know I would be spending a lot of my time having to fight very hard against toying with people.
    Ah, I have the opposite in a few ways. I have the desire and the ability to go through with it, I just can't go out and pick up someone just to drop them later. If I managed the courage to see that look in her eyes that I have her I'd get caught up instead of thinking "Ha! sucker!" and leave.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  3. #43
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    ...
    INTJMom - I know that feeling, marriage made me lonelier by far than being single. But... the sort of thing you describe, I'm not sure if some of your perceived loneliness might not be because of having built up a desire for something that I don't think is really realistic... is that your tertiary Fi on the loose there? Victim of your own idealism like my Fe gets me in a headlock sometimes and makes me a prisoner to my own philanthropy!
    ...
    I don't know.
    I'm not in my right mind.

  4. #44
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I don't know.
    I'm not in my right mind.
    Have you been relieved of duty at all yet?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Ah, I have the opposite in a few ways. I have the desire and the ability to go through with it, I just can't go out and pick up someone just to drop them later. If I managed the courage to see that look in her eyes that I have her I'd get caught up instead of thinking "Ha! sucker!" and leave.
    Yeah I know, that's what I mean. That's what I'd do, because of fighting the urge to drop them as soon as it was Mission Accomplished. The idea of not trying to accomplish it in the first place, sadly, only tends to occur to me belatedly...

    So, best left alone entirely, I say.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  6. #46
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yeah I know, that's what I mean. That's what I'd do, because of fighting the urge to drop them as soon as it was Mission Accomplished. The idea of not trying to accomplish it in the first place, sadly, only tends to occur to me belatedly...

    So, best left alone entirely, I say.
    My instinct is to hold on, not drop once I have them. Otherwise the keeping them at a distance is also what I do. Same situation, same outward reaction, different rationale.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #47
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Have you been relieved of duty at all yet?
    I don't think there's going to be any such thing.
    I mean people did bring meals and stuff, but they all had lives to get back to.

    but just to make a comment on topic...
    We've had these discussions before about how N's tend to feel lonely even when they're around people.
    It's not the quantity of conversation that's important, it's the quality...
    (though the quantity should be more than once every 5 years).

  8. #48
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    I can understand the feeling of wishing to find someone to share your heart with. However, if I remember correctly Disco, you are still fairly young - 23? You are very likely to find someone wonderful in the next few years and the important part is being ready when you do. What kind of a life could the two of you have together if you can hit the ground already running when you meet her?

    You have already started to think about how you can show your more vulnerable side. This is your time to start practicing that in smaller ways with the people around you. Get all the training you can right now, so that when you do find her, you will have enough time for her and less stress about money. Become the kind of man that she doesn't want to do without - how are you at listening to other people? Helping people? Being patient? Have you spent any time around kids or older people? What is your connection with your family like? Have you found quality people to surround yourself with that are going to affect what kind of person you become? What practical skills do you have at fixing things, keeping up with paperwork, etc that make it easier to run a household? Do you have an orderly home? What are your biggest weaknesses and how are you addressing them?

    Loneliness is a very common and valid feeling. It is amazing to feel understood by someone. It is what we do with those feeings of loneliness that determine what kind of a person we become - with or without somebody. As others have said, finding someone won't automatically erase those feelings and in some cases can even increase them. If you already know how to deal with those feelings proactively, your chances of success are much higher and the intervening time before you find that person is not wasted.

  9. #49
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    I just live with it. I've had almost 17 years of practice.

  10. #50
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    but just to make a comment on topic...
    We've had these discussions before about how N's tend to feel lonely even when they're around people.
    It's not the quantity of conversation that's important, it's the quality...
    (though the quantity should be more than once every 5 years).
    Yeah, strangely I've been finding some quality in the SCA. (It's rare, but it happens, and it's good )

    I do agree that it should happen more often that every 5 years though. More often than once a year really.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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