[INTJ] INTJ Intimidation

[Metamorphosis]

Why does Hitler look like Joe Dirt?

They are one and the same.

 

[Athenian200]

:steam: I think people sometimes find me intimidating. I think most people can feel when you are not open to flatery and such. It can be very upsetting to some when they can not either gain access to me or impress me with antics, staus or small talk. It appearsto be some game they want me to play along with and I am not willing. This in turn makes them label me as cold or intimidating.

People do have expectations of pleasantries that can be disconcerting to INTJ's. What's interesting is that they often have people's best interests in mind, but are thought of as being cold or intimidating simply because they don't present their message in a way that people expect. And there are people who are much more selfish who manage to convince people that what they want is right simply because they say it in the right way.

 

[theplacesyoullgo]

Sorry to bump this. Couldn't help myself.

Who intimidates you more: INTJs or ENTJs? I think they're the two most stereotypically "intimidating" types, but in entirely different ways. ENTJs are so overtly (although not always intentionally) intimidating, and INTJs disarm you with their incredulous stares and aloofness.

 

[Hexis]

Im not sure if its an ENFP thing but ive never personally been intimidated by either types, but this probably comes from the fact that one of my best friends is an INTJ and if he was still in America an ENTJ as well. Both of which ive known for years, they both have a sense of confidence in themselves that can be disarming at times but never intimidating.

 

[G-Virus]

Are you guys serious? INTJ's look just like any other human to me.

Maybe the few INTJ's I know are just non intimidating.

 

[Jack Flak]

I fear ESFJs and ISTJs the most, in situations where they have established authority (Supervisors, police officers, etc.). I'm sure that's because I'm INTP, and I can relate to INTJs and ENTJs more easily.

 

[substitute]

I don't think either of these types are particularly intimidating - they wear their Achilles heel of social insecurity and ineptitude like a KICK ME sign on their backs, so plainly that it's just begging to be exploited.

I've been told ENTP's can be intimidating though at times, because we're better at handling rapid fire, live situations and turning them to our advantage, and so are more likely to say what we think than the INTJ who just scathes quietly to himself, not daring to say anything out loud cos he can't predict or handle the responses from others. My INTJ in particular has confessed to me that initially this was the reason he was anxious to have me think good things of him!

 

[Provoker]

INTJ intimidation as a phenomenon can be broken down into three main parts: features of INTJ intimidation, causes of INTJ intimidation, and implications of INTJ intimidation.

Features of INTJ Intimidation...

In a broad sense, we can say that a person is intimidating just in case their demeanor invokes timidity in others. For INTJs this is especially the case for several reasons. The first reason has to do with appearance. Let's talk about eyes. INTJs have piercing eyes and I have written extensively on this--enough to publish a small book. It is so bad that over the years I've instinctively habitualized myself to avoid eye contact, opting instead for periodic glances when I am in a discussion with someone in close quarters. Even my ex-girlfriend, whom I was with for several years, would tell me not to look at her if I stared at her for too long (she'd think I was examining her face). As it stands, there are only two cases where I will look at someone in the eyes for an extended period of time: when I am extremely comfortable and passionate toward the person and when I am confronting someone. An example of the latter case could be me trying to take back an item at a store in which case I look in their eyes with a serious and piercing look without a blink and speak with focus and precision--and often hints of anger and intensity to deliver all the points I want to cover to get the product taken back. Setting eyes aside, another feature of INTJ intimidation is our confidence. I can't speak for others but I myself have an encyclopedic mind--I can read an article or listen to an argument and soak it up like a sponge and reiterate all the main points either word for word or in my own words. This confidence in our own abilities, especially with complex concepts or other tasks that ordinary people find highly demanding yet we do with ease, is also a source of intimidation. Still more, anyone who has ever seen the feathers of an INTJ get ruffled knows it is not a pretty site. As rationals we are very capable of intellectualizing and picking out flaws in arguments, while as INTJs we are very capable building an entire system on the spot to destroy someone if provoked. This sense of omnipotence affords INTJs an enourmous amount of power, which can be further channeled to power within and/or power over others. Furthermore, INTJs lack social delicacy quite often. On the contrary, we can be crude, rude, insensitive, cutting, and cynical. The perception of others in response to our critical approach may invoke a sense of vulnerability in others causing them to be timid. Finally, anyone who has seen even remnants of our strength play out knows how capable we are--INTJs are extraordinarily capable people when necessity demands it. Sure, we don't like the spotlight but once we're up there in front of everyone we will shine.

Causes of INTJ Intimidation...

While the features of INTJ intimidation are relatively straightforward in so far as a descriptive analysis is sufficient, finding out the underlying causes is much more analytical in nature and more prone to controversy. One of the great limitations of MB-theory is it lacks the theoretical capacity for explaining causation and is instead purely descriptive. None the less, based on my understanding of MB-theory coupled with my own personal experiences and observations I can speculate on some of the causes. First, intimidation is a complex phenomena and doesn't have a monocausal explanation. Instead, various underlying factors converge to form the outcome (INTJ intimidation). Among these factors, some exist within the INTJ themselves and others are a reflection of the perception of other people. For example, certain types will be more likely to find INTJs more intimidating than others. I'd imagine virtually all of the other I-types (with the exception of INTPs) would have a higher likelihood of finding INTJs intimidating. INTJs are intimidating as it is but relative to some of the quiter I-types they will appear even more so. This can be further applied systmatically to see how MB-theory can explain causes of INTJ intimidation. Another important factor influncing INTJ intimidation is context. At a party, with a bunch of Es, an INTJ might not be as intimidating as compared to being in a lecture room with 400 people and putting their hand up and raising a complex yet perfectly stated point which causes the prof to be thwarted. The point is that certain environments will work more or less to intensify or deintensify an INTJ's level of intimidation.

Implications of INTJ Intimidation...

The implications of INTJ intimidation can essentially be broken down into two compartments: implications for INTJs and implications for non-INTJs. For INTJs, whether or not INTJ intimidation from out perspective is a bad thing is not for me to say but for you to decide. It is definately arguable and brings with it pros and cons, although I would argue mostly pros. However, some of you may want to deintensify the features of INTJ intimidation. For those of you who fall in this camp I recommend watching more comedies and learning to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously. One must remember that the perception of perfection is a source for timidity in others and thus by seeming less perfect it make social life easier. For those of you who have tasted the strength of INTJ intimidation, and do not wish to change, you can futher harden your capacity to intimidate by intensifying some of the features that are already a source for intimidation; learn and master a new skill or system; read Sun Tsu's Art of War and/or Machiavelli's The Prince and/or Von Clausewitz's On War. For non-INTJs, I will make one strong point which I think is a good piece of advice. (Though it should be noted that an INTJ giving advice on how other types should respond to an INTJ feature will inevitably be slanted advice--none the less I judge it to be good advice). No matter how bad things get and no matter how small or timid you feel at a given time, speak up. Nothing is worse than someone not speaking with confidence. It is an understandable defense mechanism, like a worm which, when stepped on, shrivles up thereby reducing the chances of being stepped on again. It is natural for the timidity caused by INTJ intimidation to lead to a contraction of confidence. But when this timidity translates to feeble, feckless, and depraved behavior you will get nowhere with an INTJ so speak up, don't mutter things under your breath, and you might have a better run of things.

 

[Amargith]

You guys have that piercing look about you. You're immediately taxing someone without showing anything about yourself. I usually find it intriguing, coz I wanna know what you're hiding, but it can be quite intimidating, especially if you don't say anything, which, since you're introverts, you usually don't It's like...did I do something wrong? Does he expect something from me? Why doesn't he say so? Did I miss something? You usually do not give away in your expression what you are thinking/feeling when looking at the other person. It can be good, but since you're keeping it to yourself, most conclude it must be bad

It causes insecurity *grin* And not everyone knows how to handle that feeling. Oh and btw, being observed for a long time by an INTJ is like being watched by Big Brother

 

[substitute]

They're usually thinking something like "that's a pile of crap you're talking, I so want to tell you, but sadly I don't have the social or communication skills to get away with it, all that'll happen is I'll look like an asshole and everyone will rally round you, damn, I wish I had your ability to make people like you!"

 

[cherchair]

In my experience with my one good INTJ friend I think he initially seems really stand-offish and aloof because he hardly ever lets people see him for who he is. He keeps a lot to himself and is not big on self-disclosure...it literally took years for him to talk about himself on a personal level. Also, he is terrible at initiating and maintaining communication with people. It seems he could go months without speaking to people (even his best friends) and that doesn't bother him at all. Is it really that hard to pick up the phone every once in awhile and simply say, "Hey, how are ya?" I think just for those 2 reasons alone INTJ's are hard to get to know.

Also, there really is something about the general facial expression that INTJ's have. My friend almost always has a serious look on his face, and his eyes are very piercing...I think one article I read on INTJ's said something like, "You feel as if they can see right through you" and I'd say that can be really accurate at times. Although, when he is really happy you can see a visible joy in his eyes...and goodness gracious, is it ever attractive

My INTJ lives in public housing, which can be a very rough place to live, yet no one--and I mean no one--messes with him: not the druggies, the drunks, not even management. Nevertheless, he will help those he considers worthy of his protection.

It took probably ten years before he began to tell me little tidbits about himself and later I found out I was the only one he was confiding in. I guess I should've seen the love thing coming (I did have some sense of the attraction forming), but the day he looked at me with those piercing eyes and said "I love you," it initially scared the bejesus out of me. You're right about the joy visible in the eyes Now that the relationship is on a different plane, it's there a lot. Other things have changed as well; while I can tell self-disclosure is still difficult for him, he allows me to draw him out a lot more than before.

 

[ed111]

They're usually thinking something like "that's a pile of crap you're talking, I so want to tell you, but sadly I don't have the social or communication skills to get away with it, all that'll happen is I'll look like an asshole and everyone will rally round you, damn, I wish I had your ability to make people like you!"

I agree with this apart from that I still tell people regardless of whether they think I'm an asshole; that is their business. Unfortunately this does come across as points-scoring. However, my objective is to improve the efficiency of the organisation. To a degree, I don't care who takes credit for my ideas so long as they get implemented.

I don't think, I wish I had your ability to make people like me. I think damn, I wish people weren't so ignorant, small-minded, petty, and driven to judge things at a superficial level.

I think this kind of behaviour may have significantly slowed human evolution.

 

[cherchair]

It's not like writing people off and buring bodies are similar. I can't believe the idea of writing someone off is that foreign to some that it would appear so.

Nah. I do it too, though I call it "door-slamming." And I burn bridges, not bodies. Maybe it's a "J" thing.

 

[substitute]

I don't think, I wish I had your ability to make people like me. I think damn, I wish people weren't so ignorant, small-minded, petty, and driven to judge things at a superficial level.

I think this kind of behaviour may have significantly slowed human evolution.

My INTJ says he thinks that on the surface level, but he confesses that it's more often than not just something he tells himself to cover up for the fact that he does really actually wish people liked him, but feels ashamed of wishing that, because he thinks it's stupid to want to be liked by morons - though he says he often only tells himself they're morons because it makes him feel better about them not liking him. It's all part of the great effort to not be, or at least not seem, vulnerable, even to himself.

 

[Valuable_Money]

It's the dead NT eyes.

I know I dont count because im INTP but I have on two seperate occassions made a woman scream in terror from looking at me.

The first time it happened she fell over and screamed "OH MY GOD HE WANTS TO KILL ME"(i wish I was joking) she apologized afterwords.

The second time it was a chick who was talking to a freind of mine, she ran off and from what my freind gathered aparently I had been stalking her for the last 2 years(I think she might of been a little inbalanced )

 

[INTJ123]

What is it about us that causes people to think that we are stand-offish, aloof, intimidating, etc.?

I use to think that it was my dry humor and sarcasm, but I've had waitresses stop in their tracks on the way to the table and then say something to the extent of, "Why are you looking at me like you hate me," when all I did was glance in their direction. This hasn't been an issue in awhile really, but I still find it interesting.

Maybe it's the fact that we are like that, at least on the exterior, regardless of whether you are aware you project that kind of image, people will still percieve you that way. Not to mention that we are critical thinkers and when thinking we tend not to show any emotion and may even look troubled if trying to figure something complex out or in deep thought.

I know what you mean though... I've even known this chick for like 8 years and the last time I saw her she was like, are you always like this?!?! (aloof) I thought she should know better but I don't think people can help but percieve us that way, especially other feeling types.

 

[nightning]

I know I dont count because im INTP but I have on two seperate occassions made a woman scream in terror from looking at me.

The first time it happened she fell over and screamed "OH MY GOD HE WANTS TO KILL ME"(i wish I was joking) she apologized afterwords.

The second time it was a chick who was talking to a freind of mine, she ran off and from what my freind gathered aparently I had been stalking her for the last 2 years(I think she might of been a little inbalanced )

Ummm out of curiosity what do you usually look like? Those are pretty extreme responses...

I don't find INTJs intimidation, merely aloft for the most part. But then again, so am I, so I'm fine with that. I've interacted with many many INTJs though, all of them seem to be like that. So I'd say that's probably not typical judgment.

 

[booyalab]

who keeps subscribing me to this thread?

 

[Virtual ghost]

I scare and intimidate people on regular basis without even trying and often I am not even aware of it.

For example: I was talking to a girl that does not know me well but I was trying to more warm and friendly with her. (just for the sake of it).

But after 15 minutes I got "OMG you are so cold person.:shock." directly into my face.

I am not bothered by this but often I am wondering what I am doing to people that they dare to say something like this so directly.

 

[forzen]

I haven't met any INTJ irl .

I say cold things to people, but they think i'm joking...little do they know .