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  1. #11
    The elder Holmes Mycroft's Avatar
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    As mentioned above, it's in the eyes. I realize this and can't really do anything to change it so I've just learned to roll with being thought intimidating.

    What's really bizarre is that my present supervisor becomes visibly nervous (swallowing hard, sweating) when he talks to me. All I do is look at him with a neutral expression and respond where I feel I have something of note to add.

    This is just something we INTJs do. We can't turn it off and when we try to disguise it we look and act odd. What's more, it's not our faults that some people are so lilly-livered that a little eye contact makes them lose their composure.
    Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander Time; for that's the Stuff Life is made of.

    -- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1746 --

  2. #12
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mycroft View Post
    it's not our faults that some people are so lilly-livered that a little eye contact makes them lose their composure.
    Make them walk the plank. Arrrr.

  3. #13
    The elder Holmes Mycroft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Make them walk the plank. Arrrr.
    It was a toss up between that and calling them "pantywaists". I am a fan of anachronistic derogatory terminology.
    Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander Time; for that's the Stuff Life is made of.

    -- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1746 --

  4. #14
    Senior Member Crabapple's Avatar
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    Might be because y'all have that Clint Eastwood face thing going...
    Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
    -- Unknown

  5. #15
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf View Post
    I do, too, even though I'm nothing but fluffy clouds and playful kittens inside.
    ROFL.

    I'd say it's the eyes, too. And the general facial expression - not hard or mean, but impassive as we wait for the information to trickle in. I've had to learn to adopt certain 'interested' looks at work. I can tell when listening to my boss say something that I need to adjust my facial expression lest he get the Wrong Idea.

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  6. #16
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    It's fun poking INTJs because they have the most stunned look on their faces, like you actually have the audacity to touch me?!

    I poked my INTJ coworker and her eyes bulged a little bit and then she said in the most stern voice, I don't like being poked. And then I thought to myself, she looks serious...dare I? I did it again and then she busted out laughing. I guess you can't be that hardcore if you wear pink every Thursday. Good Times.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  7. #17
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    I'm guessing you poked her at work, where she couldn't lash out at you.

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  8. #18
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    LOL my INTJ friend used to comment about the strange look in my eyes. Of course with me it's because my mind is often wandering all over the place, and I can't keep track of what's going on around me.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
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  9. #19
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    I'm guessing you poked her at work, where she couldn't lash out at you.
    I'm strategic like that.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  10. #20
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    What is it about us that causes people to think that we are stand-offish, aloof, intimidating, etc.?
    My take:

    We are naturally reserved in daily interaction (like other I's), we are naturally oblivious to what sociologists call face-preserving/-saving behavior (like other T's), we are naturally non-conformist (like other N's) so we don't emulate any social courtesies we don't understand and (unlike the intimidating runners-up, the INTPs) we exude complacent certitude when we do interact. In sum, we seem mysterious and anti-social yet confident = intimidating.

    Learning the basics of social interaction (reciprocating friendliness, smalltalking) does wonders for our popularity. I highly recommend it; it's a lot more productive to be both formidable and likable. Whip and carrot.

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