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  1. #1
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Default Don't demonize me!

    NT's, do you ever feel like your entire personality is being demonized because you simply can't attach to someone or something, however much they want you to or however much they think you should?

    Do you ever feel like your best qualities get twisted and painted into something to condemn you, by people who just don't get the way you work at all?

    If so, how do you deal with it? If not, how do you achieve that?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #2
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    Nobody?

    Shoot, it's just me then

    *goes away to re-evaluate life*
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #3
    Member ghoti's Avatar
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    You're not alone. My mother has always been the one to demonize my personality the most. She's called me selfish and hateful for wanting to be alone sometimes and rarely having close friends, disrespectful and rude for not responding to her unreasonable yelling fits, and cruel and unsympathetic because I do not always openly show my emotions. When I was younger she would push me to join after school activities, and would get angry at my resistance and avoidance of "making friends."

    My sister has claimed that I am apathetic because I'm not easy to get riled up, and that I'm ignorant because I believe science over spirituality.

    The comments always hurt when I was younger, especially my mother's, but now I just ignore them because I know she has very little understanding of me and her comments are more a reflection of her own projected insecurities and past grievances. AKA I just block it out than actually deal with it.

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I feel like my family generally dismisses me because I don't share their specific religious beliefs anymore -- I was entirely trustworthy if I shared their particular doctrines, and when I shifted to something still in the same ballpark but a bit different, I got dropped into the "Other" box.

    I don't know how to get around that one. Basically we just agree to not talk about it, but I think it has put a damper on the relationship. (Basically I have a "social" relationship with them, but not an intimate one that I normally reserve for close friends and -- supposedly -- family.)

    How long have they persisted in choosing to view you the wrong way?

    One thing I have learned is that there are people who delight in me and they give me the benefit of a doubt when I do something they do not understand... and they try to understand even when they don't easily get it. There are others who are always suspicious and see any deviation from their point of view as something to be eradicated or that my behavior is aimed towards undermining them in some way; those people, I have cutting way back my investment hours with. THey don't WANT to understand.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
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    yeah that's it isn't it Jennifer? the benefit of the doubt. The way I see it, if I've got to know a person enough to figure they're basically decent, you know, I figure then the least I owe them is a basic level of trust in them as a good person. Once I give that, I can't go questioning every single thing they do that seems strange to me or whatever, and instantly putting them in the dock for it, assuming it's malicious until they satisfy me verbally that it isn't.

    I get called things, and motivations and feelings ascribed to me by my family all the time that just make me think, well if they knew me at all, they would know that what they're accusing me of is completely out of the sphere of what I'm even capable of even in thought, let alone deed. So instead of what they're doing, they'd have jumped to the conclusion first, that it's probably a misunderstanding, and given me a chance and tried to understand. But it seems so often that all they're looking for when I explain things, is something to confirm and justify their suspicions, believing the worst of me.

    It's so exhausting, each and every time it's like they just don't learn. Never mind that they can't think of a single time when I've lied maliciously or cheateed or stolen or betrayed any of them, or that my track record for keeping my word and not letting people down is flawless. Or the long hours we've spent where I've told them in detail my beliefs and principles and how my entire life centres around integrity and clarity. Oh no, if I chose the "wrong" words for their liking, my entire character is now instantly demonized and all my prior credit is temporarily erased.

    ghoti - yes, it's just like that, those same things. The worst part for me is where they accuse me of caring more about my friends than them cos I spend more time with them. Well, is it any wonder? I never get this BS with them!

    If it weren't for the fact that they're the only people who see me this way, I'd probably still be hating myself like I did years ago before I had a social life. A social life that's proven again and again that actually, my people skills are pretty damn good, they're just absurdly prickly!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  6. #6
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    NT's, do you ever feel like your entire personality is being demonized because you simply can't attach to someone or something, however much they want you to or however much they think you should?
    do you mean to ask whether people try to demonize me? maybe you wonder that i feel demonized when i'm not agreed with?
    whether i feel it or not seems irrelevant.

    anyway, no i don't. i think people are intimidated to stand up to an anti-hero. they're worried about a clean, middle class white boy with all this nonsense about defaming firemen and police officers, the blue collar, the white collar, the dog collar -- any collar at all. a sometimes quiet, sometimes fire-breathed 20 year old, one who treasures natural disasters and the losing numbers in the lotter. the boy with a neat hair cut and the cynical outlook.

    they don't know what i'll do to them if they disagree.
    that's why people take it out on me here.
    it's 'cause they know i can't reach.

    Do you ever feel like your best qualities get twisted and painted into something to condemn you, by people who just don't get the way you work at all?
    nah, i never got the whole teenage 'no one understands me' thing.

    If so, how do you deal with it? If not, how do you achieve that?
    i continue my rampage because no one stops me.
    we fukin won boys

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocap View Post

    they don't know what i'll do to them if they disagree.
    that's why people take it out on me here.
    it's 'cause they know i can't reach.
    Yeah, I get that. Even though in actual fact, what I'll do is pretty predictable if they'd just believe me when I tell them the principles that underlie my decisions!

    nah, i never got the whole teenage 'no one understands me' thing
    Oh no I'm not talking about the teenage version, I don't think NOBODY understands me, I know quite a few people understand me perfectly well. It's just frustrating and sometimes hurtful when the people I'm supposed to care most about - my family - don't.

    Maybe it's just that whole "prophet never heeded in his hometown" thing. Not that I'm saying I'm a prophet or anything, but you know, familiarity breeds contempt sometimes, and that kills the motivation for benevolence or openness sometimes.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #8
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yeah, I get that. Even though in actual fact, what I'll do is pretty predictable if they'd just believe me when I tell them the principles that underlie my decisions!
    well the thing is that i won't do anything.
    they can disagree all they want.
    makes no difference to me.

    Oh no I'm not talking about the teenage version
    i know but it's funnier to mock that way.
    we fukin won boys

  9. #9
    Member ghoti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I get called things, and motivations and feelings ascribed to me by my family all the time that just make me think, well if they knew me at all, they would know that what they're accusing me of is completely out of the sphere of what I'm even capable of even in thought, let alone deed. So instead of what they're doing, they'd have jumped to the conclusion first, that it's probably a misunderstanding, and given me a chance and tried to understand. But it seems so often that all they're looking for when I explain things, is something to confirm and justify their suspicions, believing the worst of me.
    I can't agree enough how frustrating this is, especially since I struggle so much in order to express myself. Even when I try to clearly explain my feelings and motivations, it's either they don't trust me or they only hear what they already believe. After putting so much effort into it, explaining myself no longer seems worthwhile when it only ends in more misunderstandings.

    But I can't stand people telling me what I think and feel. My mother will infer a detail that was never there, and create an explanation to satisfy her that's half a world away from the truth, yet she's convinced that it's real. And it always implies the worst of me. Never has she given me the benefit of the doubt or trusted my word at face value.

    Unfortunately I was isolated on all fronts for most my life, so I rarely had friends to fall back on when my family was giving me a difficult time. Which was my fault I suppose.

    I hate admitting I went through the nobody understands me phase, as cliched as it is, but when people consistently misinterpreted everything I said and I couldn't find another way to communicate since I was being as straight forward as I possibly could be, it certainly felt like I couldn't understand anybody else either. I'll be the first to admit I'm extremely emotionally stunted, so I blame myself too.

  10. #10
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    yeah it's just that mean spiritedness that I can't fathom, I couldn't be that way if I tried. even my worst enemy (not that I think I even have one), I still sincerely and fundamentally believe that whatever they've done that was bad was through misguided good intentions most of the time. It's just so profoundly insulting isn't it, and can make a person very insecure about their relationship with someone who is so quick to interpret the smallest detail of their words or whatever, as evidence that their entire character is malevolent.

    I feel it's so ironic that as much as it's apparently my character that's being called into question, the very fact that they're doing it on such flimsy evidence tells me volumes about their character lacking somewhat in charity, benevolence, compassion and those general fruits of the spirit type things.

    Nocap... not listening or changing no matter what anyone says, I dunno if I'd agree with that, but you wouldn't care anyway

    I see it all the time on these forums though, F's saying they wish they could be like NT's and "just not care". Right. Cos I don't show I care by crying and hugging, it means I live in a self-centred world of not giving a shit how anyone else feels?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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