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  1. #21
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Demonize is kind of informal and imprecise for the usage you refer to.

    Couldn't you just say "denigrate"? People are always using "demonize" when they mean "denigrate." I even know of a popular political commentator who does this regularly.

  2. #22
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    No Athenian, I mean demonize, that's why I picked the word. I mean making me out to be, and judging me as though I were the demon in the situation. Maybe you're just not intuiting where I'm at correctly...?

    I know how to speak English, it's kinda my specialty
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #23
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    No Athenian, I mean demonize, that's why I picked the word. I mean making me out to be, and judging me as though I were the demon in the situation. Maybe you're just not intuiting where I'm at correctly...?

    I know how to speak English, it's kinda my specialty
    Oh! Well, if that's what you meant, then you chose the right word. Carry on.

  4. #24
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Yeah, making one out to be the villain somehow.

    My former companion -- she was gone for a few weeks on a family vacation. She told me precisely when she would be back, so I spent the last several days specially preparing for that.

    I knew that when she returned she would scour the place from room to room, hunting for anything I'd screwed up while she was away, so she could latch onto it as evidence for how horrible I was. And I thought I knew the kinds of things she would look for, so over several days I exhausted myself, bringing the place up to an unusually high standard.

    I cleaned, I fixed things. I didn't have much money right then, as I was between commissions, but I spent what I had left on groceries and I baked her a cake and her favorite kind of cookies. A couple of days before she was supposed to return, she called me and told me to make sure when she got back she wouldn't find anything that would "make her sad". I stammered in response, then grew rather irritated after I hung up. I mean, what? But I got over it.

    So I waited for her to return... and she didn't. Several days passed. I think she was supposed to be back on a Monday. I didn't know how to reach her. Eventually, maybe around Thursday or Friday, she wandered back unannounced; by then I had eaten through half of the groceries I had bought in anticipation of her return. And I'd forgotten to clean the catbox since the previous day.

    She became furious with me because there weren't any groceries, and I hadn't cleaned the catbox. She was also incredulous that I would do something so frivolous as bake her things instead of taking care of practical matters. How could I be so irresponsible?! It was like living with a child, she said.

    It was constantly like this.

  5. #25
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Fuck me man, sounds like she was the child, not you! She some kind of diva or something??

    And it gets to a point where you start to think, why the fuck am I putting up with this? And it's not until you retell it to someone more reasonable and see their reaction that you suddenly get that decision crystallizing in your mind, and you know there'll be no going back.

    Just remains to be explained why we put up with it at all. So anomalous... never do usually, that kind of shit. How did this stray psycho get that deep into my life?

    Kinda thing.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  6. #26
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    She had a strong father who did anything for her on a moment's notice.

    She even told me a few times that she was comparing me to him, and that I didn't measure up.

    And... somehow in her mind, this was my failing. I was a horrible person, out to ruin her life, because I wasn't her father.

  7. #27
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    She had a strong father who did anything for her on a moment's notice.

    She even told me a few times that she was comparing me to him, and that I didn't measure up.
    Doesn't sound too strong to me. To let a kid be the boss of him and run his life. A strong person is in control, not controlled by others, especially children.

    But yeah, sadly there's a few dozen like her in my back catalogue, I recognize the symptoms with tragic ease!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #28
    The Architect Alwar's Avatar
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    I hope you were just young and have since moved on with the knowledge of what to avoid in the future Aderack.

  9. #29
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Doesn't sound too strong to me.
    Well. In terms of being a big solid man who gets what he wants and commands authority. There was no fucking around with him. He had the temperament of a mob boss. And her personality -- well, again, she was used to getting what she wanted. Initially, I was one of those things she wanted. But in the sense that a child wants a new toy.

    As for timing, I broke it off with this girl a year ago next month. We separated almost exactly a year before that, and the year in between was a long, icky process.

    I like to think I've learned from this. I guess we'll see.

    This stuff... mechanically I'm past it, but you can see it still affects me pretty deeply. The hurt -- it's got roots like a weed. The trick is just figuring out how to file that. There is a context for it.

  10. #30
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I know the kind of guy, yeah. And their spoilt princess daughters that are hated by just about everyone but their dad.

    Yes, I know what you mean about how the root sticks in there. I think it's the same as with my family - especially the ones who get at me the most. A combination of just exasperation at how unnecessary it all was, if they'd just let go of their suspicions and even played at being intelligent for a few minutes, we might've been able to see eye to eye the whole time.

    And then, it's one thing to have something you do or make criticized, but to have your entire existence hammered at in such a personal way - where there's no resolution. I think that's the part that cuts the worst for me. Finding resolutions and solutions is virtually what I'm on this planet for, so to have to accept that something's broken that's beyond my ability to repair, it's difficult.

    Two proverbs: you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink; it takes two to tango.

    Sometimes, you can pull out all the stops to be the most mature and reasonable you've ever been, but if the other person just isn't making the effort, it's all for nothing. I've learned to say those proverbs like a mantra now when I have difficulties with people like that.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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