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  1. #61

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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I can be pretty insecure. Mostly because my self is so diffuse sometimes. I feel like everything beneath the cover is Chaos and things that I am not comfortable digging into. Sometimes I don't even feel as if I really exist except in relation to other things, other people.
    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    This is me.
    How strangely oppositional to my experience of life. There have been a few rare times in my life where I felt so out of control that I thought I'd lost myself, but it was brief. (Perhaps that's me falling into my shadow?)

    The bulk of my insecurity lies in being a poorly constructed citadel for the rigours of living: I'm too substantial to reinvent and too disjointed to defend. --But I am never truly diffuse.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. #62
    Systematic chaos Cenomite's Avatar
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    I'm pretty insecure about some things. Just like everyone else...
    The probability that I was procrastinating when I was typing this post:

    P(have big assignment due) = 0.6
    P(posting on TypoC) = 0.2
    P(having big assignment due | posting on TypoC) = 0.7

    P(posting on TypoC | having big assignment due) = .......


    Eh, I'll finish it later.

  3. #63
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    I don't think much of insecurity, or even confidence, for that matter. I just am what I am. I'm human, and I like myself. If somebody pointed out an insecurity of mine, I wouldn't freak out and be disgusted with myself. It's been said in this thread already, but anybody can be insecure. Any age, any type, any maturity level. It's only bothersome when you drag other people down with you intentionally.

    Another thought that I have is that when people seem like they are showing off, there's a good chance they are not. At least not in the way that it's usually thought of. Maybe they are just having fun. I'm highly imaginative, I like novel experiences, and I get enthusiastic about putting my ideas into motion. I'm not that judgmental, and I just flow with things. When I'm doing this, I don't write my name on everything. What I mean by that is that I don't think me, me, me. I think fun, fun, fun. I like to entertain people. I like to entertain myself. Maybe I'll pretend to be a ninja. Maybe I'll dance and play guitar at the same time. Maybe I'll try to inspire people or make them think about something.

    Think of stage presence. It's not just for the benefit of the audience, it's for the performer, too. If it's not real enough, then what is real enough, and why is it better? Me being me at my best may seem like showing off, but I'm having way too much fun to be deliberately planning ways to make myself feel more secure. I could deny myself my own nature in the name of personal growth, but I could also embrace it for the same reason.

    This is all a lot different than lying or deliberately trying to convey a certain image of yourself that is dishonest. I don't do those things.

    It's not all about me. It's about everything, and I'm part of it. I become my imagination. I am fluid.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. #64
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    Think of stage presence. It's not just for the benefit of the audience, it's for the performer, too. If it's not real enough, then what is real enough, and why is it better? Me being me at my best may seem like showing off, but I'm having way too much fun to be deliberately planning ways to make myself feel more secure. I could deny myself my own nature in the name of personal growth, but I could also embrace it for the same reason.

    It's not all about me. It's about everything, and I'm part of it. I become my imagination. I am fluid.
    swimming in a sea of Ne? That's utterly beautiful. We did this the other night. It was amazing.



    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I can be pretty damn competitive with others when I care about what I am doing, but for the most part, I just compete against myself.

    You can't reorient them and I don't see why you would even want to.

    Let them duke it out - not your problem. And trust me, you don't want to get sucked into it, either.

    I have to. They are members of teams that have to work together to accomplish goals. They are visionaries, clever, and vital to the team, however thier "fighting" is very counter to what the team needs to accomplish. I guess I could watch the whole effort collapse due to them, but the problem is that, in doing so I would allow damage and suffering to be inflicted on the rest of the folks I work with-those on the immediate team, the rest of the folks I work with, and my customers. Fi loves all of these people. Fi is screwed up but it does love it's "family". Thus the misbehaving ones need to be managed or reoriented.

  5. #65
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I can be pretty insecure. Mostly because my self is so diffuse sometimes. I feel like everything beneath the cover is Chaos and things that I am not comfortable digging into. Sometimes I don't even feel as if I really exist except in relation to other things, other people.
    I felt this sense of diffuseness the day costrin told me I was an NE-monster. I adore little C however I spent a day really thinking about the concept and then could feel a sense of panic seep in-what was I, who was I, was everything i had ever thought/decided/accomplished sitting on a shady, unstable foundation with no core? On what basis did I make these choices. There was no stable ground, no place where I could define myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Most of my closest friends have no idea of all my achievements, accolades, degrees, the countries I've lived in, the languages I speak, nothing. I will talk about most things except concrete achievements because it feels boastful and unnecessary, almost embarrassing. I don't hide anything, I just never think to speak of myself in that way. What I did never matters, because it's already done and forgotten about - what matters is what I'm doing next. And I do such a wide range of things that I don't even know who I am, really.

    Don't get me wrong, I genuinely like myself and love who I am, but I never expect anyone else to. I'm fearless and have ultimate faith in myself and in my abilities. But I'm always very shocked when someone likes me, even as a friend. I always think I'm invisible and only identified by what I'm working on. And it doesn't matter because I don't put much thought into what people think of me, which is why it shocks me when people do. So, I guess I'm kind of insecure, but not in the traditional way.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gioolia View Post
    The only thing that can hurt me really bad is if you question my ideas.
    That is the one thing that will actually drive me insane. I start questioning my children (read: ideas) and when I do that I become anxious, and being anxious makes me irritated, being irritated makes me crazy and when I'm like that I'd better be alone.

    But then again that is true only if people who question my ideas have an IQ higher than mine, otherwise their opinion can go down the drain.

    Are you defined/identified/delineated from the external/affirmed by your ideas? Are you your ideas? Your ideas are your children/your valuables/you?

    Why are the ideas/projects so essential? Are they your offering to the world?

    When the ideas/projects/offerings get attacked, are you offended? what is it about questioning the ideas that leads to anxiety or offense?

    how does your confidence in the idea in question correlate to the amount of offense you feel when it is attacked?

  6. #66
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I wrote you in your blog.

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    I don't think much of insecurity, or even confidence, for that matter. I just am what I am. I'm human, and I like myself. If somebody pointed out an insecurity of mine, I wouldn't freak out and be disgusted with myself. It's been said in this thread already, but anybody can be insecure. Any age, any type, any maturity level. It's only bothersome when you drag other people down with you intentionally.

    Another thought that I have is that when people seem like they are showing off, there's a good chance they are not. At least not in the way that it's usually thought of. Maybe they are just having fun. I'm highly imaginative, I like novel experiences, and I get enthusiastic about putting my ideas into motion. I'm not that judgmental, and I just flow with things. When I'm doing this, I don't write my name on everything. What I mean by that is that I don't think me, me, me. I think fun, fun, fun. I like to entertain people. I like to entertain myself. Maybe I'll pretend to be a ninja. Maybe I'll dance and play guitar at the same time. Maybe I'll try to inspire people or make them think about something.

    Think of stage presence. It's not just for the benefit of the audience, it's for the performer, too. If it's not real enough, then what is real enough, and why is it better? Me being me at my best may seem like showing off, but I'm having way too much fun to be deliberately planning ways to make myself feel more secure. I could deny myself my own nature in the name of personal growth, but I could also embrace it for the same reason.

    This is all a lot different than lying or deliberately trying to convey a certain image of yourself that is dishonest. I don't do those things.

    It's not all about me. It's about everything, and I'm part of it. I become my imagination. I am fluid.
    +1

    this is how i feel on a good day. I guess what I wrote earlier's a product of me being rather down lately, having spent too much time I guess, around people who tend to interpret my every move in as negative a light as possible, that kinda shit gets you insecure after a while... feels like nothing I do is right and I guess cos I'm not judgemental either and the last thing I ever do is blame others for my own faults or problems... I guess that's my weakness too, that it means other people can fill me with insecurity and self-doubt quite easily, by being that way with me. It's not part of my nature to think "I'm right and everyone else is wrong!"

    Even when it's actually the case sometimes. sometimes, a bunch of people band together out of jealousy or malice or whatever, to put me down, and it really is them being the assholes, deflating my confidence. Yet, for a while, they get me feeling like what they say is true, that they're normal and decent and I'm the asshole that's upset and annoyed "everyone".
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #68
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    I don't think much of insecurity, or even confidence, for that matter. I just am what I am. I'm human, and I like myself. If somebody pointed out an insecurity of mine, I wouldn't freak out and be disgusted with myself. It's been said in this thread already, but anybody can be insecure. Any age, any type, any maturity level. It's only bothersome when you drag other people down with you intentionally.

    Another thought that I have is that when people seem like they are showing off, there's a good chance they are not. At least not in the way that it's usually thought of. Maybe they are just having fun. I'm highly imaginative, I like novel experiences, and I get enthusiastic about putting my ideas into motion. I'm not that judgmental, and I just flow with things. When I'm doing this, I don't write my name on everything. What I mean by that is that I don't think me, me, me. I think fun, fun, fun. I like to entertain people. I like to entertain myself. Maybe I'll pretend to be a ninja. Maybe I'll dance and play guitar at the same time. Maybe I'll try to inspire people or make them think about something.

    Think of stage presence. It's not just for the benefit of the audience, it's for the performer, too. If it's not real enough, then what is real enough, and why is it better? Me being me at my best may seem like showing off, but I'm having way too much fun to be deliberately planning ways to make myself feel more secure. I could deny myself my own nature in the name of personal growth, but I could also embrace it for the same reason.

    This is all a lot different than lying or deliberately trying to convey a certain image of yourself that is dishonest. I don't do those things.

    It's not all about me. It's about everything, and I'm part of it. I become my imagination. I am fluid.
    I can relate to this a lot.

  9. #69
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    plus, what Synarch said and jeno seconded, I'll third it.

    remember the thread that has sentences starting with "I am"? And I figured that since my primary mode of living (Ne) is essentially a reactive function, the best way to go about taking part in the thread was to just say what I was in response to what other people said they were. Can't remember the name of the thread or anything so I can't find it, but like say someone said "I am standing with my dad's expensive tool, broken in my hands", I'd say "I am instantly suggesting a fool proof plan to get you off the hook so your dad will never know it was you".
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  10. #70
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I've often wondered if ENTPs fear being kicked off the top. My eNTP was absolutely the alpha in the group. He wasn't domineering but he *was* the de facto leader or at least second in command at any given time. He was really smart and capable, and not much got at him, but I could see flickers of insecurity or unsureness, like his private nightmare would be to wake up and find out he'd been deluded about his intelligence and worth all along. I could tell when I had him on the ropes. He went from being cocky and chill, to this look that I can only describe as "please don't hurt me". It was a very drastic duality. And the things that made him vulnerable were sometimes surprising. Like me messing with/uprooting his shirt. He'd turn bright red, laugh a bit, and bashfully tell me to stop it.

    Another long-term ENTP friend, he's what I would determine as a tornado with feelings. He tries to stay just two steps ahead of everything, including his own emotions.
    I've never felt on the top. I have always felt ultimately alone and outside looking in on everyone else, even when I am with people. Especially when I am with people. I am always surprised when people say nice things because they simply seem untrue to me. As if people just don't see how things really are. I expect to be disliked and rejected and ultimately abandoned.

    It's only lately that I see that I get this result only because this is the energy I put into the world. Because when I expect to be disliked, I behave badly. When I feel accepted and that maybe my friends do really like me, I act in a more considerate and likable manner. When I trust people, I behave more trustworthy. It is deeply ironic.

    That being said, it is all part of my particular journey. And, truthfully, this forum has been very helpful in spotlighting my own issues so that I may deal with them.

    Edit:

    Oh, also. The concept of duality resonates with me deeply. Everything is in flux.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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