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[NT] INTP & ENTJ relationship

Twixt

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2008
Messages
91
MBTI Type
ISTP
Thoughts? Experiences? Pitfalls? How did it turn out?

This said ENTJ has veryy borderline T and J. Moderate-high Extroversion.
 

yenom

Alexander the Terrible
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
1,755
It works if you believe it works. :) There is no definite answer.
 

lexiphanic

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
56
MBTI Type
intp
Could be fun. I know all the entjs I've run into really appreciate an intps ability to look at their endeavors from every conceivable angle. The intp basically appreciates the entjs ability to plan and accomplish things.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Thoughts: I think the shared T helps a lot. With logic and reason, you’re good at avoiding most messy and petty love-drama that all romantic relationships go through. And I love the J and P contrast. Ime, it just works: I think my INTP bf is insightful and unusual, he thinks I am organized and decisive.

Experiences: I took the lead, and he observed and learned. My bf basically studied my every move; every kiss, stroke, reaction, mannerism. Copied it and gave back. Good and bad stuff – which I appreciate a lot.

Pitfalls: The INTP passive aggressiveness irritates me and has made some problems bigger than necessary. But the ENTJ will most likely confront the problem head on and try to find a solution to it. Imo, beating around the bush is a bad, bad move.

I tend to get caught up with work and lose myself in projects and other work-related stuff I’m passionate about – forgetting to pay attention to the needs and feelings of my bf. That has caused some problems in our relationship, but if and when you alert me to the problem I will do my best to solve it.

How did it turn out: I’ve been together with my bf for almost 2 years. We moved in together after about 4 months into our relationship and we’re still going strong.
 

thisGuy

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2009
Messages
1,187
MBTI Type
entp
Thoughts: I think the shared T helps a lot. With logic and reason, you’re good at avoiding most messy and petty love-drama that all romantic relationships go through. And I love the J and P contrast. Ime, it just works: I think my INTP bf is insightful and unusual, he thinks I am organized and decisive.

Experiences: I took the lead, and he observed and learned. My bf basically studied my every move; every kiss, stroke, reaction, mannerism. Copied it and gave back. Good and bad stuff – which I appreciate a lot.

Pitfalls: The INTP passive aggressiveness irritates me and has made some problems bigger than necessary. But the ENTJ will most likely confront the problem head on and try to find a solution to it. Imo, beating around the bush is a bad, bad move.

I tend to get caught up with work and lose myself in projects and other work-related stuff I’m passionate about – forgetting to pay attention to the needs and feelings of my bf. That has caused some problems in our relationship, but if and when you alert me to the problem I will do my best to solve it.

How did it turn out: I’ve been together with my bf for almost 2 years. We moved in together after about 4 months into our relationship and we’re still going strong.


damn...thats pretty cool

curious, you ever see the lack of feeling to be a caveat? or is that something you both relate to and so is a common point to laugh at?
 

Twixt

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2008
Messages
91
MBTI Type
ISTP
That's great. Thanks. How did your relationship start, what did you guys talk about?
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
damn...thats pretty cool

curious, you ever see the lack of feeling to be a caveat? or is that something you both relate to and so is a common point to laugh at?

That’s an interesting question. Honesty, I can’t say that I experience any lack of feeling in our relationship. Depends on what you mean by “feeling”. I feel really close to my bf when we talk about theories, ideas for the society, the future, conspiracy theories, plans on how to hold up a bank ect. I think that’s how we show our feelings, and where our feelings for each other grow.

As for feelings in terms of affection and affirmation, My INTP is pretty affectionate for an INTP. He likes to be close/intimate and he likes the random kisses and hugs. And also, I have taught him how I want him to show affection and what things I perceive as affectionate, so I honestly don’t experience any lack of feeling in the relationship. My primary “love language” is physical touch and my secondary is “service”. So basically, a stroke in my hair and helping me out with a problem, is enough “feeling” for me. That’s why I’m a fan of the T and T pairing. We’re pretty low maintenance when it comes to these kinds of “feelings” and we don’t need the constant reassuring. I’m pretty unfeeling for a woman, and my bf is pretty feeling for a man – so that’s a pretty even equation.

There are times when my bf says “I love you” and I instinctively go “Thank you!” and after a few seconds say “oh, and I love you too” – that’s when he starts laughing at me for being such a retard.

I think that the only time that I have experienced “lack of feeling” to be a problem, is when he is being super Ti, and the same goes for when I am being super Te – that’s when the other person starts feeling neglected. But that’s a pretty unhealthy state for both types, right?

And also, I'm super protective of my bf. If anybody gives him a hard time, in an unfair and cruel manner – I can’t help but to step in and bite the other persons head off. I don’t know if that’s always appreciated, but there’s a lot of feeling in that behavior.
 

Willfrey

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
615
MBTI Type
IsTP
Thank you for the insights, Sn'P, I recently met an ENTJ and so far we've hit it off quite well :)
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
That's great. Thanks. How did your relationship start, what did you guys talk about?

I was an intern at this company he works at. I thought he was beautiful, but he showed little interest in me at first, so I basically had to headhunt him. Man, INTPs don’t know how to flirt and they are even more oblivious to other people flirting with them. Luckily, I don’t bother much with the flirting. I find being straight forward with your intentions is a much more efficient way of flirting. Either way, I’m a pretty aggressive pursuer so within a month I got him to kiss me. After that, we got serious pretty quickly – he wanted to be exclusive, when I told him I was leaving for 4 months to study in another city he wanted us to move in together when I got back, we met each other’s families and friends ect. and the rest is history. He really took the initiative there, which is uncommon for an INTP, isn’t it?

Our dating phase was pretty short, but while we dated and met casually we talked about literature, countries we’ve visited, our childhood, various thoughts, drugs, political views, played a lot of go and chess; let’s just say we covered a lot of topics. One time he told me: I want to know everything you know. And I guess we’re still working on that…
 

htb

New member
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
1,505
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
"EJs find the passive, unstable IP behavior to be a severe hindrance in getting things done, while IPs find the restless and proactive actions of EJ types paranoid and stifling."

This describes every interaction of mine but not others, here, so you should allow for your own attempt.
 

thisGuy

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2009
Messages
1,187
MBTI Type
entp
That’s an interesting question. Honesty, I can’t say that I experience any lack of feeling in our relationship. Depends on what you mean by “feeling”. I feel really close to my bf when we talk about theories, ideas for the society, the future, conspiracy theories, plans on how to hold up a bank ect. I think that’s how we show our feelings, and where our feelings for each other grow.

As for feelings in terms of affection and affirmation, My INTP is pretty affectionate for an INTP. He likes to be close/intimate and he likes the random kisses and hugs. And also, I have taught him how I want him to show affection and what things I perceive as affectionate, so I honestly don’t experience any lack of feeling in the relationship. My primary “love language” is physical touch and my secondary is “service”. So basically, a stroke in my hair and helping me out with a problem, is enough “feeling” for me. That’s why I’m a fan of the T and T pairing. We’re pretty low maintenance when it comes to these kinds of “feelings” and we don’t need the constant reassuring. I’m pretty unfeeling for a woman, and my bf is pretty feeling for a man – so that’s a pretty even equation.

There are times when my bf says “I love you” and I instinctively go “Thank you!” and after a few seconds say “oh, and I love you too” – that’s when he starts laughing at me for being such a retard.

I think that the only time that I have experienced “lack of feeling” to be a problem, is when he is being super Ti, and the same goes for when I am being super Te – that’s when the other person starts feeling neglected. But that’s a pretty unhealthy state for both types, right?

And also, I'm super protective of my bf. If anybody gives him a hard time, in an unfair and cruel manner – I can’t help but to step in and bite the other persons head off. I don’t know if that’s always appreciated, but there’s a lot of feeling in that behavior.

ya...i meant to ask whats feeling like and not if you saw it as a problem, but you read right over that and answered exactly what i meant to ask...ENTJs rock


yeah i like T and T pairing too...i like my partner to be independent and not 'clingy'...feeling through action is the shizzle
 

Twixt

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2008
Messages
91
MBTI Type
ISTP
@ ENTJs: Does the INTP's indecisiveness ever annoy you?
 

Galusha

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2009
Messages
204
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7?
@ ENTJs: Does the INTP's indecisiveness ever annoy you?
yes. but then again any dallying bugs me a bit. I feel the same way about wasting time over insignificant decisions as anyone else feels about being told what to do. in order to avoid both, some kind of decisiveness is necessary-- I have to be really close to someone to actually use my patience with them.

"close" includes immediate family, best friend, the cat, and possibly a second or third husband (the first one is just to get frustration out :D).

though if you come up with great conclusions after taking forever to decide, and then do those things efficiently, I will love you forever.

:heart:
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
What about an entp then ? I do that what you said in the last sentence + I am a total promoter of polygamy :D
 

mortabunt

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
963
MBTI Type
type
Enneagram
5
I prefer only polygyny (multiple wives), Polygamy can be with men or women.
 

sharonrenee80

New member
Joined
Jul 9, 2009
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INTP
Hi

I am an INTP straight female w/ some pretty strong opinions about an INTP-ENTJ match up (generally I LOVE them! although I'd really like to try a relationship w/ an INTJ to compare).

I find romantic match-ups with ENTJs to be thrilling, exciting, full of energy, and dangerous (explosively so). ENTJs always want to know what I'm thinking (can't ever guess), and I freely tell them when asked - and they usually get a kick out of my answers because whatever I'm thinking is likely smart, logical, and objective (99% of the time). I think ENTJs get annoyed with stupid people, and it's a change of pace for them to know an INTP. Also, the INTP will concede a point easily if you prove it to them, and the ENTJ loves that the INTP will genuinely concede a point (by genuine, I mean we'll concede w/ no strings attached; I think other types resist the ENTJ's logic on principle b/c ENTJ's are often jerks about being right or appear to be jerks about being right - but the INTP doesn't care if you're a jerk as long as you're right; we won't harbor a grudge b/c you were right and we were wrong, as long as you show you're right). But beware, just b/c an INTP concedes point "A" doesn't mean they'll follow you from point A to B to C to whatever conclusion YOU WANT w/out questioning all the logical steps: INTPs will call you out whenever you've failed to prove something to them and they think your conclusion is off.

ENTJs are controlling but not in a way that bothers me. I know MB says INTPs don't like to be controlled, but because the ENTJ is usually SO OBVIOUS and logical about it, its not problematic (I think INTPs just don't like to be secretly controlled or manipulated or slowly backed into a corner; we HATE being controlled by feelers, but thinkers aren't so bad). Further, the ENTJ is likely to be so opinionated that it takes the drama out of the decision-making process the INTP. The INTP can just say "yes" or "no" to the ENTJ and that's the end of it (of course, it's important in this that the INTP thinks the ENTJ has a brain, but assuming the ENTJ does, the INTP is probably willing to follow the ENTJ overall, even if the INTP questions a few decisions here and there).

But, there's a major, major pitfall in everything I've said, and I think it's the possibility of stalemate or all-out-war regarding the actual relationship itself. The ENTJ is used to being able to push people around, and you can't push an INTP around WHEN YOU'RE NOT RIGHT. In such a situation, the ENTJ will often take a "my way or the highway" approach. When all else fails, i think ENTJs are used to pushing their agenda whether or not they're right, but, surprise! the INTP will tell you where to shove it if you're aggressive + wrong. The whole time the INTP was w/ you b/c you're smart and logical (your domineering antics never really worked on us even if you thought they did). SO, if you're a jerk w/out being right, watch out. You may have been bluffing, but if you were wrong, can't admit it, and bluff aggression/assertiveness, the INTP will walk (having given you a chance to admit you were wrong, that you didn't take, WE WILL WALK w/out ever looking back - seriously, that's it: finito, finale, end).

The only other worry is that the E/I mis-match will leave me wondering if you're board with me. I need an "e" that can have outlets outside the relationship for their extroversion w/out physically or mentally cheating on me. I need to trust the ENTJ to get what they can from me, responsibly get other needs met by other people (we're not jealous at all, so it's up to you to be a responsible romantic partner), and NEVER make me feel boring. An INTP can be one of the few people an ENTJ can let their guard down around; You can be alone with your INTP, so appreciate them for that and don't expect them to be loud and crazy w/ you all the time.
 
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