At a glance I thought it was self-destructive behavior as well, but these people seem to be genuinely happy, exuberant, and entertained when they drink.
well what kind of shitty activity do you have in mind when you think of self destruction?
you don't have to frown to want to screw yourself up.
besides alcohol is a euphoric drug. of course they're going to smile.
I thought I understood drinking as a social facilitator but for many in my circle of friends it's become the only thing worth doing. They view any social scenario where they didn't get absolutely wasted as a failure.
i think this is called alcoholism, but i've heard other definitions as well.
Sorry, I didn't really read the 2nd part of your post when you were asking about making new friends, and if other NTs have this problem.
The answer is: no, I don't. I have some cousins that I hang out with and all they do is get drunk and high and talk about the last time they were drunk and high. I love them but they are boring as shit. I deal with a lot of drunk people in my daily life.
Other than them, most of my friends are in the film, writing, art and music world and we spend our time creating shit or admiring others' creations. It's a rare moment when I am not doing or making something. My other group of friends are the party animals but not everyone drinks or does drugs, but we all dance and laugh and get into trouble anyway. I wish I had more friends that I can talk tech with, but most people are not interested in that sort of talk in their free time. Then I have my daredevil friends, who are always down to do whatever physical things I suggest. It's good to have a variety and not just be with one crowd. When all else fails, I just venture out on my own and meet new people to add to my collection.
My suggestion is to figure out what your interests are and seek out people with those interests. If this means hanging out in museums, or taking a photography class, then that's what you should do. Stop limiting yourself to what's directly in front of your face. There is a whole world out there to explore.
"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray
Why do the majority of social gatherings consist of a competition to see who can drink more alcohol, and make the biggest ass of themselves?
I was invited to a ESFx friend's cabin this weekend for his 21st birthday and the entire distraction and entire focus of all conversation and activities the entire weekend was alcohol, alcohol, and getting drunk.
Luckily the conversation was so enthralling. The subjects basically ranged from "how drunk are you?" to <insert stupid thing you did while drunk once> and cycle to ad nauseum. Imagine the following stuck on playback:
"Are you drunk?"
"Oh man I'm so drunk."
"I'm going to drink so much more!"
"We're getting wasted tonight!"
"Dude, we were so wasted last night!"
"Yea I puked but just kept going"
"Yea that was the shit!"
"Let's go shotgun a beer!"
If I have to plaster on one more fake smile while some drunk tells me their awesome drinking story while simultaneously managing to spill their drink all over my shoes I'm just going to give up. Is this really it? It seems like "partying" (read: drinking) has become the be all end all thing to do socially for my age group. Conversation, if it exists at all, consists of monosyllables and a continuous parade of singular bland observations ("This song is so cool.", "You're so drunk!", "It's so dark out").
At this point I'm wondering why I even try? If this is what it takes to have friends or be social I can't do it. The problem is that isolating myself doesn't work either. Without social interaction I feel lethargic, depressed, and lonely, but I simply can not relate to the vast majority of people in my social group.
It's complicated further when every time I attempt to meet new people they either turn out the same, secretly wish they could be the same (what the hell is with worshiping these guys like they're some social gods??), or are so far in the opposite direction from me in their value's and personality-wise that meshing is just as bad.
Where are the confident, intelligent, and still fun young people that value discussion, trying new things, and actually use their brain once and a while? Even my more intuitive and intelligent friends are susceptible to dumbing themselves down in social situations. I feel like shaking them! Wake up! Stop turning into mindless pop culture huffing zombies every time we go out!
Why is drinking until you throw up and become an obnoxious prick considered so acceptable? If you're home by yourself reading a book you're considered boring and a homebody, but if you're out drinking with friends every night and suddenly you're a social success?
I'm sorry for the vent but I had to get that off my chest, not to mention any help or insight about this would be greatly appreciated. Do other NT's feel like this?? How do you cope?
If I have to keep dumbing myself down to be successful with people I might as well just get a lobotomy.
I would guess a university setting with people who can think and are trying to make something of their lives would be a great place to meet people better than the crowd you described.
What part of the country do you live in? What are your work/school plans?
Perhaps if you're looking for stimulating conversation, a friend's 21st birthday party might not be the place to look for it. It's common sense, to me anyways, that what you walked into would be exactly what you should have expected considering the event.
If its a constant issue and its not your thing then maybe you need a new crowd.