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  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default Swimming in a sea of Ne?

    Look post 666! Satan's post! Guess that is funny as this will be my last post here. The more time I spend here the more I realize I dont fit any of these patterns correctly. I was meant to be an ENFP but instead I am a bizarre defective Ne monster with a baby Te and a crazy little wobbly Fi. The more I look under the hood, the more screwed up I feel. I think many of you guys find connections here by finding others who are very much like you, when you cant find them IRL so much.

    Instead, by being here, I just figure out I am far more alone than I ever thought I was. At least IRL I can pretend to be normal and put on a good show and use my wierdness to some advantage. By staying here, and watching others, I just feel more and more bizarre each day. It leaves me wondering if i will ever deeply connect to anyone though. I am full of gaps and defects that screw with the interpersonal connectivities most folks have. My puzzle piece doesnt fit into your puzzle. My crystal is twinned. Maybe I will come back in a year or so, but for now, it just gets more and more confusing and I feel more alone and unlike other people, so back to the real world I go for awhile.

    Anyways Here are some Ne thoughts I have been having recently. However they could be totally screwed up as I can only connect them with Ne, tickle them with a puny Fi, then frame them in bold Te sounding words, which make me come across as a know-it-all. I dont really know how to do anything else. I am not a feeler or a thinker. I am Ne vacuum cleaner???

    I love standing by the ocean. I always thought I was having Se moments here and taking in all the details. Awhile back though I realized there is no Se at all. I now think that ENXPs may swim in a sea of Ne. For me, sometimes it feels like Se, but that is because I push faster, run farther, and am trying to do whatever I can to immerse myself and become one with the pattern that surrounds me. I want Ne to become real time, the possibilities to become real in the moment and never loose touch with those connectivities. I can drown myself in Ne and never loose touch with the pattern, the dance, the complexity again. However when I do fall back out of the pattern, I loose the euphoric rush of hormones that have kept my brain connected in an Ne state, go through a true chemical withdrawl of sorts and feel alone, empty and lost since I dont look inwards much. Perhaps this applies to other ENXPs?

    A few Ne examples:
    Standing by the ocean, watching waves crash upon each other, ripple up and down cancelling each other out or additively increasing. Once they crash, the water retracts, yet new waves are coming so it is a very unsettling, intoxicating, disorienting feeling of falling as the water comes and goes simultaneously running over, through, and around itself. Once the wave crashes, then the water is flat and there are all the patterns of foam on the top of the water, drifting, dancing, dissolving, reforming, reemerging like a dance. I can watch the patterns play out like this for hours, adding, cancelling, chaos and then reformation. I want to fall into the ocean, and become part of that pattern. (metaphorically)

    Looking up at the mountains I feel the same thing. Peaks upon peaks upon peaks all piled up on top of each other, but the same patterns show up, the same shapes, and crannies, the same patterns of bushes and flowers fleeing up the sides of each mountain. In the canyons, the cliffs are layered with rocks of all colors, pink and tan, in layers, that repeat. morph and mold into one another. Again mildly disorienting to just stare at the mountains and exclude all else.. Again I want to touch the walls and hills and become part of the pattern

    When I listen to music, the notes, tones, the beats and such and blend together. I listen to the patterns emerge, then disappear, then reemerge, then combine, then cancel. I dance to the music and move with it and get lost in it. Again, I would like to become one with the pattern..

    when with a lover, the touches, kisses, and all in between emerge as complexities just like the ocean, with trends that emerge, disappear and than reemrge in a more complex way. I want to become one with this person, thier patterns..

    So this line of thought makes me realize I want to drown myself, my individual being, into a larger more meanignful, more complex pattern. I want to become one with something that is complex, neverending, that will continously reform, cancel out, additvely reemerge, reblend, change, evolve, yet neverendlingly repeat and intertwine patterns and webs onto itself. I want to breathe it in, swallow it into my soul, physically, connect across all pieces of what I am.

    To the point where I would ALWAYS be connected by that web, be a part of that web and never be isolated again and always be part of that evolution of further complexity, understanding and molding it as it develops and changes.

    Perhaps this is the ultimate Ne objective. Or my defective connectivities .

  2. #2
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    Look post 666! Satan's post! Guess that is funny as this will be my last post here. The more time I spend here the more I realize I dont fit any of these patterns correctly. I was meant to be an ENFP but instead I am a bizarre defective Ne monster with a baby Te and a crazy little wobbly Fi. The more I look under the hood, the more screwed up I feel. I think many of you guys find connections here by finding others who are very much like you, when you cant find them IRL so much.

    Instead, by being here, I just figure out I am far more alone than I ever thought I was. At least IRL I can pretend to be normal and put on a good show and use my wierdness to some advantage. By staying here, and watching others, I just feel more and more bizarre each day. It leaves me wondering if i will ever deeply connect to anyone though. I am full of gaps and defects that screw with the interpersonal connectivities most folks have. My puzzle piece doesnt fit into your puzzle. My crystal is twinned. Maybe I will come back in a year or so, but for now, it just gets more and more confusing and I feel more alone and unlike other people, so back to the real world I go for awhile.[/I]
    Maybe you shouldn't try and fit into the type steriotypes so much. And why pretend to be normal? No ones normal, trying to be normal is just an act thats a bit boring and a bit shit.
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    happy! what the hell babe! i love having you here...i know you're not looking for that. i'm just saying...i'm sorry, but WTF.. are you kidding me!? first...you seem VERY enfp to me! and i relate SO much to your posts and really value your insights and admire where you are in your life quite a lot. i don't see you as weird...well certainly not by my definition and i hate that you feel out of place and god i can relate to wanting to find people who get you..i do...people have always told me how odd i was...they liked me anyway but it's not the same as feeling understood and i think if you stick around long enough you'll see that you can actually find people here that can...i feel i do quite a lot for as short amount of time as you've been here.

    so...this is me saying...i hope you stay and i love reading your ramblings.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Costrin expresses his opinion that he enjoys happy puppy's posts and wishes for her to stay.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  5. #5
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    sub thinks it will never cease to amaze him, the things people come to a humble forum looking for.

    all the best with... well, whatever.

    FWIW I think you come across to me as one of those people who always thinks nobody understands them and that they're alone, when really there are loads who do, they just don't see it...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  6. #6
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    I think your in that NFP depressive mode that INFPs seem to do occaassionally from the sounds of it. My sis (INFP) does it every few weeks. Cheer up!
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  7. #7
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    Swiming in a 6 surface acre alpine lake as if to make a feeble attempt to enter its heart and perform brain surgery on it all at once to find out just exactly why it has its very own personality compared to the others. Then, sometime down the road, hiking up to the next alpine lake to rediscover this same phenomenon. Then the next and the next .... All while developing an understanding within myself that they all posses a certain consistency. A feeling of insite eventually overwhelms me of this consistency with a confirmed truth that all these little lakes have their own distinct character. Yet, i can never pinpoint the rationale behind my belief of this to be able to articulate it, even to myself. At the same time knowing i knew that they all have their own personality by recalling my experience with that first 6 acre lake where i realised this truth all along. One lake has a pale grey atmosphere, yet the sun was very bright. The trees around it were tall as if they were a fortress that only permitted myself to enter, granting me a trust of sorts to be able to give my own trust in return. Another had a bright yet deserted atmosphere. As if it knew i was there. i felt quite confident in my stay even though i knew i had to grant it respect through means beyond the tangible. Another had the atmosphere of being encapsulated yet with walls and covers of total transparency. While swimming in it a trout would bobb from the bottom periodically. It would get so close i could hold it. But i didn't. Because the previous lake taught me to respect through means beyond the tangible. I guess this lake with transparent walls and covers wanted me to feel like i was inside for awhile, being that i felt encapsulated. It wanted me to feel like i was inside for awhile kinda like being invited to it's home. Invited in its home to experience its trout that likes to come around and say hi sometimes.
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  8. #8
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by professor goodstain View Post
    Swiming in a 6 surface acre alpine lake as if to make a feeble attempt to enter its heart and perform brain surgery on it all at once to find out just exactly why it has its very own personality compared to the others. Then, sometime down the road, hiking up to the next alpine lake to rediscover this same phenomenon. Then the next and the next .... All while developing an understanding within myself that they all posses a certain consistency. A feeling of insite eventually overwhelms me of this consistency with a confirmed truth that all these little lakes have their own distinct character. Yet, i can never pinpoint the rational behind my belief of this to be able to articulate it, even to myself. At the same time knowing i knew that they all have their own personality by recalling my experience with that first 6 acre lake where i realised this truth all along. One lake has a pale grey atmosphere, yet the sun was very bright. The trees around it were tall as if they were a fortress that only permitted myself to enter, granting me a trust of sorts to be able to give my own trust in return. Another had a bright yet deserted atmosphere. As if it knew i was there. i felt quite confident in my stay even though i knew i had to grant it respect through means beyond the tangible. Another had the atmosphere of being encapsulated yet with walls and covers of total transparency. While swimming in it a trout would bobb from the bottom periodically. It would get so close i could hold it. But i didn't. Because the previous lake taught me to respect through means beyond the tangible. I guess this lake with transparent walls and covers wanted me to feel like i was inside for awhile, being that it felt encapsulated. It wanted me to feel like i was inside for awhile kinda like being invited to it's home. Invited in its home to experience its trout that likes to come around and say hi sometimes.
    NE FTW!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #9
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    ...wouldn't it be cool to swim in an actual sea of Ne?

  10. #10
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmandahalf View Post
    ...wouldn't it be cool to swim in an actual sea of Ne?
    Some of us are as we speak. Please come in, the water is fine
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

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