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[NT] Driving NTs crazy: It's what Feelers do...

Fluffywolf

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A common NF misconception is that when we appear defensive, we must be annoyed or agitated.

But this is far from the truth.
 

runvardh

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A common NF misconception is that when we appear defensive, we must be annoyed or agitated.

But this is far from the truth.

Na, only annoyed that I asked, maybe; or startled wondering why the hell I asked.
 

Fluffywolf

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Na, only annoyed that I asked, maybe; or startled wondering why the hell I asked.

For some NT's, it may be so. But in my case, when I am annoyed or agitated. I just retreat. You won't know I'm there. I won't exist on your radar.

If I am defensive or responsive in any way, I am neither annoyed or agitated. But actually pepped up, curious. And quite happy!

(Unless it's at work, where I can't always just retreat from agitation. But even then, I will keep the conversation as short as possible without further fracturing relations.)
 

substitute

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For some NT's, it may be so. But in my case, when I am annoyed or agitated. I just retreat. You won't know I'm there. I won't exist on your radar.

If I'm annoyed, I tell people in no uncertain terms. I tell them what I'm annoyed with and why, and try to bat around ideas as to how to avoid it in the future. Then you find that people who go on about wanting people to be honest with them, actually don't.

If I am defensive or responsive in any way, I am neither annoyed or agitated. But actually pepped up, curious. And quite happy!

Word. To my ENFP brother, raised voices means "oh no! people are getting upset! quick, calm them down! I won't talk with you unless you stop yelling at me!" :cry:

To me it means "aha! things are getting interesting at last!" and "no, this is what I REALLY think, and it's very important to me, so you need to listen and stop trying to get me to calm down. If it wasn't important to me then I wouldn't be agitated!"

Again, you find that those people who say they want to know when things are important to you, actually don't.

runvardh old bean, you say "honesty" like it's an absolute term, but I suspect there's a sort of idiosyncracy about the way you're using it. I can guarantee I'm always honest with what I say, what I say is what I really think, I'm not disguising it at all. If you mean being honest about what you feel, then to expect that of someone who doesn't even know or care how they feel might be a little.... unrealistic?
 

runvardh

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Ah, every time I forget and my roommate is around I ask him how he's doing :)doh:). His first reaction is to freeze, his eyes grow big as saucers, as he takes about 20s to think or whatever he does. Then he quickly answers "Fine, why?". By then I realise what I did, tell him "nothing, just asking" (which is the full truth). He says, "oh, ok" then very jerky like goes back to what he was doing and I walk off wondering why I forgot that he reacted that way.
 

jenocyde

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If I'm annoyed, I tell people in no uncertain terms. I tell them what I'm annoyed with and why, and try to bat around ideas as to how to avoid it in the future. Then you find that people who go on about wanting people to be honest with them, actually don't.
...

To me it means "aha! things are getting interesting at last!" and "no, this is what I REALLY think, and it's very important to me, so you need to listen and stop trying to get me to calm down. If it wasn't important to me then I wouldn't be agitated!"

+1. definitely!!

His first reaction is to freeze, his eyes grow big as saucers, as he takes about 20s to think or whatever he does. Then he quickly answers "Fine, why?".

Hahaha, the deer in headlights - that's exactly how I react. I'm always so stunned when someone asks me that question...
 

Fluffywolf

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I have that when someone asks me: "Something wrong?"

It always takes me some time to process a question like that. As it turns out though, nothing is ever wrong. :p
 

runvardh

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runvardh old bean, you say "honesty" like it's an absolute term, but I suspect there's a sort of idiosyncracy about the way you're using it. I can guarantee I'm always honest with what I say, what I say is what I really think, I'm not disguising it at all. If you mean being honest about what you feel, then to expect that of someone who doesn't even know or care how they feel might be a little.... unrealistic?

Yeah, I'm one of the really weird NFs who can accept the shrug or "I don't know" or "nothing". Hell, there are times when I'm in the middle of figuring out how I'm feeling and I have to answer with "I'm not sure yet"; I'd be damn hypocritical to expect anything different from someone else.
 

runvardh

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+1. definitely!!



Hahaha, the deer in headlights - that's exactly how I react. I'm always so stunned when someone asks me that question...

I have that when someone asks me: "Something wrong?"

It always takes me some time to process a question like that. As it turns out though, nothing is ever wrong. :p

Yeah, it just takes me seeing the reaction and I remember again - I never expect anything to be wrong though. I know that if something is wrong I'll hear no end to it :doh:. Na, I'm glad he sees me as safe, I just worry about his g/f sometimes :rofl1:.
 

marmandahalf

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Ah, every time I forget and my roommate is around I ask him how he's doing :)doh:). His first reaction is to freeze, his eyes grow big as saucers, as he takes about 20s to think or whatever he does. Then he quickly answers "Fine, why?". By then I realise what I did, tell him "nothing, just asking" (which is the full truth). He says, "oh, ok" then very jerky like goes back to what he was doing and I walk off wondering why I forgot that he reacted that way.

Ha, yes. I had an ISFJ roommate who would always ask when I got off the phone with someone, "How are they doing?" I could never think of an answer to that. I knew some things that were going on in their lives, but as to psychological state? That question throws me for a loop.
 

runvardh

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Ha, yes. I had an ISFJ roommate who would always ask when I got off the phone with someone, "How are they doing?" I could never think of an answer to that. I knew some things that were going on in their lives, but as to psychological state? That question throws me for a loop.

My roommate's g/f is an ISFJ :D
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

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Ah, every time I forget and my roommate is around I ask him how he's doing :)doh:). His first reaction is to freeze, his eyes grow big as saucers, as he takes about 20s to think or whatever he does. Then he quickly answers "Fine, why?". By then I realise what I did, tell him "nothing, just asking" (which is the full truth). He says, "oh, ok" then very jerky like goes back to what he was doing and I walk off wondering why I forgot that he reacted that way.

lol... I do that.

I have two coworkers who will just come into my office (when they can easily see I'm typing and intent on what I'm doing) and I finish typing, look up, take off my head phones because I think they want something and they say...

"Hi"

I stare for a second with a disbelieving stare... say '... hi'... and then they grin and walk back out.

I shake my head, put my headphones back on and try not to cuss at them. I think they do it because they know it annoys me lol

They'll think twice when I stop taking off the headphones or acknowledging them at all...

:cheese:
 

substitute

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Yeah, INFP's do stand out rather conspicuously to me as the only NF's who can really give a person space... WITHOUT it being a sacrifice (that you have to make up for later).
 

runvardh

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lol... I do that.

I have two coworkers who will just come into my office (when they can easily see I'm typing and intent on what I'm doing) and I finish typing, look up, take off my head phones because I think they want something and they say...

"Hi"

I stare for a second with a disbelieving stare... say '... hi'... and then they grin and walk back out.

I shake my head, put my headphones back on and try not to cuss at them. I think they do it because they know it annoys me lol

They'll think twice when I stop taking off the headphones or acknowledging them at all...

:cheese:

Yeah, I don't like being annoying, I'm usually just in a good mood and forget for the half second it takes me to pass by his door on the way to my room. The guy has some serious patience with me I guess; though it likely helps I only do it about once a month.

Yeah, INFP's do stand out rather conspicuously to me as the only NF's who can really give a person space... WITHOUT it being a sacrifice (that you have to make up for later).

We also seem to be the one that needs a lot of it ourselves...
 
L

Lasting_Pain

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1) do you guys think you may be showing physiological signs of an emotional response but be unaware you are doing so? Ie you dont know what you are feeling exactly? So the NF picks it up subtle cues, tries to describe it, then screws up as you guys are still not even aware of exactly what is going on yourselves? (Just a Q I really have no idea, so no offense please)

Hmmm, possibly but I come off as a laid back nonchalant kind of guy. And I usually have a sad disappointing face about myself. (I know this because I checked in the mirror.) But this face only happens when I am alone, or listening to my music. When I am with people I have a diffrent look about myself which leads to question when they find me alone, "Are you Okay, you look sad?" I'll respond by saying "Yes I look sad, but I feel fine." Sometimes this line will be followed by "I guess!" (This is my favorite phrase.) Even though I am annoyed by the fact someone just disturbed my mediation and thinking, I still feel obligated to respond. Now the ones who try to ask the further questions are the NFs.Sometimes I think that all NFs graduated with psychology degrees just so they could annoy an NT and have justification for it.

2) Is it this mistaken perception, or the following persecution that is most offensive? (persecution?? what is that exactly, as thats a crazy strong word, and I hope I'd never do that)


Both will be offensive but mistaking my emotions will be proceeded by maybe 2 minutes of me laughing and denying it. And if you prosecute me, well, to keep things short, I become a defense attorney.

3) Or is that maybe they saw and tried to describe what you were projecting outwards before you had a chance to understand it yourself? And thus it is the presumption that they understand that is so offensive, when you do not understand quite yet.


Are you trying to say that NTs are naive about our emotions in a gentle and caring way?

4) does it bother you more that they try and descibe your thoughts, your feelings, or your motivations?


No because, It is usually pretty funny and cute(if it is a girl) when they try to piece things together that are loosely connected. There observations are so out there that I can't help but to not have a conversation about how they came to such conclusions.

5) Do you find this gets used as tool against you when in conflict with an NF? And then you are assigned feelings, motivations and such which are incorrect. (and on that note, potentially later, after analysis, could some of it have been correct?)


Hell Yes, I hate this most. Never argue with an NF. You are going to lose one way or another. I have learned my lesson, and I am done arguing with them.

6) is part of the offense that someone would even try and understand your emotions? Ie its none of our business in the first place?

Nah, sometimes it is cool to see what other people perceive about you. Every type has their own unique special talents and the "Emotional Radar" (That what I will call it) is a quality of the NF. So they have the right to use it. Just like I have the right to abuse the NT talents as well. Hhehehehehehehhehehehehehe
 

Haphazard

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It's like... they TOUCH you to SMELL you... and they tickle so much... *shudders*




oh, we're talking about MBTI, right?
 

Vildechaya

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I am interested in the feelings of others as long as they aren't projecting all the %$^& over me.
For instance...I am making them feel sad because I am "holding back my emotions" when they know something bad happened in my life.
And they feel "unloved" because I don't want to have a "good cry" and "get it off my chest"
This is very unpleasant.
 

Nocapszy

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1) do you guys think you may be showing physiological signs of an emotional response but be unaware you are doing so?
Yes.
This is a physio-psychological fact. People express emotions unconsciously.
Scientists have priority over type theorists in this arena.
Ie you dont know what you are feeling exactly?
I know when I'm mad. I know when I'm happy. That's about it.
So the NF picks it up subtle cues, tries to describe it, then screws up as you guys are still not even aware of exactly what is going on yourselves? (Just a Q I really have no idea, so no offense please)

2) Is it this mistaken perception, or the following persecution that is most offensive? (persecution?? what is that exactly, as thats a crazy strong word, and I hope I'd never do that)
what are you talking about?

3) Or is that maybe they saw and tried to describe what you were projecting outwards before you had a chance to understand it yourself? And thus it is the presumption that they understand that is so offensive, when you do not understand quite yet.
honestly i don't really have a lot of people telling me how i feel.
actually ironically enough, the only people who guess at my emotions are the people online -- you guys.
and you almost always get it wrong.
*glares*

4) does it bother you more that they try and descibe your thoughts, your feelings, or your motivations?
no one does.
but i imagine item 2 on the list would be most annoying.

5) Do you find this gets used as tool against you when in conflict with an NF?
my NFs and i never have conflict.
but yes. sometimes. it never works though. i always remind them how to parse my feelings from... the situation.
y'know reminding them that irrespective of how i feel about it or them, the damned fire needs to be put out.
And then you are assigned feelings, motivations and such which are incorrect. (and on that note, potentially later, after analysis, could some of it have been correct?)
sometimes i like to pretend they're right.
i get to build new characters then. i only have 3 right now.

6) is part of the offense that someone would even try and understand your emotions? Ie its none of our business in the first place?
definitely.
most prevalently, is that i don't think any of it matters, and i don't like being talked to about irrelevant, boring shit.
i don't mind one of those two alone, but together... they just make me mad.
 
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