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  1. #41
    Senior Member Accept's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    Could you elaborate a bit?
    It's been my good fortune to have two INFJs as friends for a few decades now, so the observation of their tenacity comes from the frustrations of communicating with their need to ascribe their emotional response as mine. While I admit they don't often push the issue, I've learned they also don't let it go. On occasion it will be brought up later. At other times they continue as nothing happened, confidant that they were right and basing our future on the flawed assumption. At other times they withdraw from the urge to argue, but with the confidence that they are right, and I am wrong, even though it is my emotional state being discussed. This creates separations, often lasting years. It is my loss. INFJ and INTJ are the types I most enjoy being around, but with the INFJs there are misunderstandings that don't exist with the INTJs.

    It doesn't help that these INFJs avoid exposing the truth of their own feelings at the very time when sharing might bring an understanding of why we're not experiencing the same emotional response to the circumstance.
    “Naked to unknown forces, fortune evades mere understanding. The trial of effort.
    The dream of change. Such a place might Hell be to thought and action.”
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  2. #42
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Accept View Post
    At other times they withdraw from the urge to argue, but with the confidence that they are right, and I am wrong, even though it is my emotional state being discussed.
    This comes off as very smug. I have several good ENFP friends who I can't stand sometimes for this reason alone.

  3. #43
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vildechaya View Post
    I am interested in the feelings of others as long as they aren't projecting all the %$^& over me.
    For instance...I am making them feel sad because I am "holding back my emotions" when they know something bad happened in my life.
    And they feel "unloved" because I don't want to have a "good cry" and "get it off my chest"
    This is very unpleasant.
    Word to the power of ten.

    And

    Quote Originally Posted by Accept View Post
    It's been my good fortune to have two INFJs as friends for a few decades now, so the observation of their tenacity comes from the frustrations of communicating with their need to ascribe their emotional response as mine. While I admit they don't often push the issue, I've learned they also don't let it go. On occasion it will be brought up later. At other times they continue as nothing happened, confidant that they were right and basing our future on the flawed assumption. At other times they withdraw from the urge to argue, but with the confidence that they are right, and I am wrong, even though it is my emotional state being discussed. This creates separations, often lasting years. It is my loss. INFJ and INTJ are the types I most enjoy being around, but with the INFJs there are misunderstandings that don't exist with the INTJs.

    It doesn't help that these INFJs avoid exposing the truth of their own feelings at the very time when sharing might bring an understanding of why we're not experiencing the same emotional response to the circumstance.
    +1546546432132134

    (agreeing with jenocyde however, that it's not just INFJ's... my ENFJ sister and ENFP brother do it to me too)

    edit - (but disagreeing about it being 'my loss' - I don't feel like it's a loss when they finally get fed up and move on. The reduction in the amount of drama in my life is extremely pleasant)
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  4. #44
    Senior Member Galusha's Avatar
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    for me, it's not feelers so much as people who use Fe. no, I don't want to tell you all of my problems. no, a hug will not get you out of debt. for me, the whole 1984 thing is scary, not because the government tells you what to think, but what to feel. these people actually exist, and don't understand why implanting emotions into someone else is the most rude and affronting thing that can be done to another human being. for all of their being in touch with other people, they have this pushy way of telling you how you should feel that offends me more than the most snide, logical comment.

    other feelers are fine as long as they develop their thinking functions eventually.

  5. #45
    Member Jwill's Avatar
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    I used to have problems with feelers when I was younger, especially FJs--with added emphasis on EXFJs. The more insistent the feeler, the more annoying I found them. It's like those people who are extroverts who assume that the quiet minority of introverts must have something wrong with them. Only in the feeler's situation, they insist you are feeling something that you aren't. I think all types find it annoying to be falsely accused of something and then not have their accuser believe them after several denials.

    Anyway, I'm absolutely aware of my emotions. I think I always have been. It's just that I don't have a lot of them. I find it annoying when people insist that you have emotions that don't really exist.

    I had this feeling teacher who I hated as a teenager. She was always trying to hug me, and she said once that she could read the emotions on my face like a book. The only thing was, she was always waaaay off about what I was thinking. That presumption annoyed me. Thinkers are private about what emotions they do have, so it's annoying when some know-it-all tries to tell you what you're feeling.

    Now that I'm older, I don't really have these sort of experiences so much. I've learned how to pass better as a human being. Like, even though I hate people who oversmile, I make efforts to smile more so that people won't constantly mistake my restful expression for depression or hatred. And, in turn, I think feelers are a bit more tactful with what they say as they mature. The immature girl feelers who constantly ask questions like "Are you REALLY okay?" and "Are you mad at me?" curb their asinine questions as they get older.

    I'm a thinker who was raised in a family of all feelers. I never had communication problems with them. I got exasperated at their communication problems with each other, but... My family does the best thing they can for a thinker. They take me at face value and don't force too much of their emotions on me.

  6. #46
    . Blank's Avatar
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    Ahaha, I actually don't have much of a problem with the 1984 thing of telling people how to feel.

    It's a very T thing to do. >=D
    Ti = 19 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Te = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ne = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fi = 15 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Si = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ni = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Se = 11[][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fe = 0

    -----------------
    Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
    Man got to sit and wonder why, why, why;
    Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
    Man got to tell himself he understand

  7. #47
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    1) do you guys think you may be showing physiological signs of an emotional response but be unaware you are doing so? Ie you dont know what you are feeling exactly? So the NF picks it up subtle cues, tries to describe it, then screws up as you guys are still not even aware of exactly what is going on yourselves? (Just a Q I really have no idea, so no offense please) I am showing subconscious signs, but then again, I restrain and watch body language.

    2) Is it this mistaken perception, or the following persecution that is most offensive? (persecution?? what is that exactly, as thats a crazy strong word, and I hope I'd never do that) It is trying to persuade me that my real nature is not my nature.

    3) Or is that maybe they saw and tried to describe what you were projecting outwards before you had a chance to understand it yourself? And thus it is the presumption that they understand that is so offensive, when you do not understand quite yet. It is not offensive, but interesting.

    4) does it bother you more that they try and descibe your thoughts, your feelings, or your motivations? Ues. since they are clueless about them.

    5) Do you find this gets used as tool against you when in conflict with an NF? And then you are assigned feelings, motivations and such which are incorrect. (and on that note, potentially later, after analysis, could some of it have been correct?) This is used against me.

    6) is part of the offense that someone would even try and understand your emotions? Ie its none of our business in the first place? No offense, but I like accurate statements.

  8. #48
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I have had this happen many times with many friends--on occasion this tendency has led to the end of the friendship. One friend, who was really not very close to me, anyway (she was much closer to a couple of my mutual friends, and we kind of ended up being friends because of that factor), was constantly misreading me. Once, I vented to her about a situation that was bothering me and she told our other friend, "Tallulah was just so ANGRY! I had no idea how to calm her down!" Kind of blew my mind, because I wasn't angry--just frustrated--and it had nothing to do with her. I just needed to talk my way through it. But SHE would have been angry in that situation, so she assumed I was. Other times, she would try to coax feelings out of me when I was indifferent to a situation. I just can't take stuff like that. If I tell you I don't feel a certain way, believe me. Not believing me is insulting and patronizing. If I feel patronized, I shut down, and I don't want to be around you.
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  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmandahalf View Post
    I just don't get why it upsets y'all when we don't feel something about a situation. When a Feeler is like, "How do you feel about this?" and my honest-to-God answer is, "I don't," he or she tends to act as if I'm trying to upset them.

    I know what emotion feels like. I just don't have an emotional response to every, or even most, situations. This doesn't make me a monster. This makes me an NT.
    Or any thinking type for that matter

    I agree

    Though us SPs are a little more charming about the "I don't" part so they usually don't get annoyed

  10. #50
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Accept;664119[B
    ]While I admit they don't often push the issue, I've learned they also don't let it go. On occasion it will be brought up later. At other times they continue as nothing happened, confidant that they were right and basing our future on the flawed assumption.[/B]
    QFT. I've seen this exact behavior in infjs, and it's made me think that they are selfishly seeking a conclusion - true or not. At other times it seems calculated to annoy, and annoyance is a reaction, so it's a jackpot.
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
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