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Thread: ENTP's as kids

  1. #1
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Default ENTP's as kids

    Hi.

    Seriously need some advice here.

    My ENTP children son is 12 yrs old. Smart, humourous if not a tad to serious for my liking . His drive and determination astounds me. His only down fall is he doesn't tell me how he feels.

    I have been at his school for the last hour and sat there listening whilst absolutely dumbstruck. They thought they should bring it to my attention now that is behaviour is off the rails to the point that they are considering exclusion. WTF??? (This has been going on for 3 months apparantly).

    Like i said, the kid is smart and he knows it. He is the only person i know who will find a website that most people didn't know even existed. lol. He comes home everyday and tells me what he was great at, be it PE, science etc etc.

    The kid is on self destruct i have found out today. The school is going to get some outside agencies to come and have a look at him. I know he has gone through shit with me the last few months but i haven't even seen any warning bells (there was one a few months ago, but the doctor told me to sort my shit out basically, thanks doc). He is happy at home or so i thought.

    How do i help a child that lets no one in? Is so stubborn only he knows best. I love him to bits, he is my son. I just don't know what to do. I know we are very different people and we handle things differently. But i am lost on this one.

    Any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks.

    P.S. He is currently on his keyboard, it is on full blast, and he is banging on the keys. I have asked him to come down but he doesn't want to. I think he might be embarrassed. Bless him.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  2. #2
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    he might need time to figure out whatever is in his head...chances are he wont actually sit still for even 2seconds...he'll always be doing something...maybe you could do something with him?

    or impress him by beating him at something he told you he is good at...that'll get him off his rocker and in competition with you...ask him why hes doing things the way hes doing them as it makes zero sense to you and you would do them differently...getting him to talk about his feelings will prolly be really hard until he breaks down

    thats the stuff i would do...im not even sure how you as an ESFJ would go about it... there is a slight chance you might end up undermining your authoritative role trying to get him to open up

  3. #3
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Well my mums an ESFJ so i guess i can get him a bit.

    Don't try to hard to be the motherly caring doting mum you think you should be. I hate it when my mum does that. Just give him space and let him speak to you if he wants but i wouldn't force him into talking to you or he will just retreat more. Basically don't smother him.

    If he comes and talks to you listen first then try talk back. Try really hard not to nag at all, you might not realise it but - hate to steriotype - being an ESxJ you probable will without meaning it, so try really hard not to.

    Tell him exactly everything that his teacher told you and explain that he needs to calm it down or he will get expelled. Don't say the word stop. Or anything like it. Tell him just to lower it down a notch. If he knows he just needs to calm it down or be expelled he will calm down as it logical. But he probably isn't ever going to stop completely and he knows it so if you tell him to stop completely he will probably give up after a while with a "fuck it all" attitude.

    Any more info on what the problem is? Is it a strict school or him just going overly rebellious?

    Btw if he is playing piano leave him asi used to play guitar loudly to get out anger and it works well. And its certainly a lot less destructive than some of the other things i did to calm down. I still have dents in my door...
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  4. #4
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    He needs male role models in his life. Someone who can teach him how to channel his full energy. Most women can't do that.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #5

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    My ESFJ Mom and ENTP brother. :shakes head: She still hasn't sorted out how to deal with him except for nod and grunt when he babbles incessantly about his latest opinion and how it negates the validity of hers. He's been a true test of patience for her. I'm proud of her for it. He's helped her grow.

    But he had the same issues in school and it drove her up the wall. She just buckled up for the ride.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #6
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I went through the same as your son - I'm going to pm you in a bit.

  7. #7
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    I have an ESTJ mother and what she needed to do was appeal to logic. When I was disruptive at school, which was not that often because I'm a girl and socialization crushed a lot of that out of me, she would make vague statements about how "That's not okay" or "How would you feel if...?" None of that got through. It was like null data. ENTPs are system builders. What I needed was someone to ask me to think about the overall school system and what it needs to run optimally. Then I realized that me being a pain in the ass was unnecessary gunk in the cogs that kept it running. And since I agreed overall with the idea of schooling, though I thought many of their methods unduly pedantic, I got my act together. This is the ENTP version of sympathy. You just can't tell us that we should behave a certain way "just because." We're programmed to question statements like that.

    Good luck with your son. We're hella hard to raise, but I hear we turn into mostly-awesome adults.

  8. #8
    Gotta catch you all! Blackmail!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    He needs male role models in his life. Someone who can teach him how to channel his full energy. Most women can't do that.
    Possibly.

    Having several interesting male role models helped me a lot throughout my adolescence. Having a wide and diverse family gives a sense of belonging, even if you are very "special" yourself. It helps you define your own identity.

    Because if you constantly live with the same parent everyday, chances are that you will define yourself against him/her, and it will lead to constant bickerings and fights, even if you love your son deeply. I know this may sound unfair... but nobody said life is.
    "A man who only drinks water has a secret to hide from his fellow-men" -Baudelaire

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  9. #9
    ThatGirl
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    Dealing with ENTP children is much like dealing with ENTP adults. If you want to have him open up and talk to you about what is going on, then you need to address him as you would any other adult. Speak, not from feeling or concern, but from rationality with good intent. Don't try to be a boss or tell him what to do.

    Chances are your son simply doesn't care about the effects of his actions. When ENTPs hit the self destruct button, there is little that can be done to stop them, unless it makes sense to do so.

    Things I wish people would have told me:

    "I can see right now that you don't seem to care about anything in life and I get why you don't see the importance in the things you are doing right now. The fact of the matter is, that even though you are still young, the decisions you make right now WILL effect you later on. You need to look at what you want for yourself and your life and start coming up with ways that you can acquire this as quickly as possible, because the truth is you are not going to be happy until you have the ability to be self sufficient.

    If you want the freedom to do what you know is right and good for you with out constantly meeting resistance, then you need to focus on the fact that what you are doing right now is only putting more attention on you. The consequences of your actions are going to result in people trying to control you more, and you will end up having a miserable life.

    You need to figure out what you want and need and start working toward it. Thats the only long term solution. All these things that you are creating for yourself and having to deal with, will only slow you down and make you even more unhappy. So quit acting like a child and start taking responsibility for your actions. Then people will get off your back and you wont feel the need to be destructive, which I know you know, only hurts yourself.

    I am saying this because I want to see you happy. If you ever need to talk about anything or just want to do something together I am here for you."



    Probably a stupid post, lol, I don't know good luck though.

  10. #10
    Gotta catch you all! Blackmail!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    "I am saying this because I want to see you happy. If you ever need to talk about anything or just want to do something together I am here for you."
    Here is a phrase that would have made me angrier. WAY angrier.

    It's not something to say in front of some ENTP teens, even if I know I shouldn't make generalizations.
    "A man who only drinks water has a secret to hide from his fellow-men" -Baudelaire

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