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Thread: INTP relationship patterns and how to break them?

  1. #31
    Senior Member Array MiasmaResonance's Avatar
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    Jul 2009
    5w? sp/sx


    I really like this thread.
    "A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell."

  2. #32
    Senior Member Array hilo's Avatar
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    Mar 2010
    9 sx


    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post

    INTPs, we are the minority we are not very similar other people, we don't feel like other people. Simply being morally right in our heads is not going to change the world. Nor will convincingly reframing the facts to gain other peoples sympathy; we are just too good at spinning the facts to fit our beliefs. So "if you choose" to get into a long term relationship, don't assume you can play it by your own rules with anyone besides another INTP (perhaps could skate by with an INTJ). Our needs in a relationship are basic but most of our partner's needs are not and that is the crux.
    I dated another INTP and while the lack of imposing on me was AWESOME (we also sucked at deciding on things) the relationship was ultimately too friendly (you need to argue or be different somehow to keep a spark going, I feel).

    INTJs... I don't know. They can be very demanding people. Personally I think if you were to skate by an ENTP might be better. One INTJ I dated was the absolute WORST at trying to pygmalion me into something else. I'm not sure what. By the end of the relationship I was basically his personal chef, secretary, technology staff, you name it. I think he felt this was ok because he had a lot more money than I did, and I let it go on because his career is more demanding and I thought I was being a good girlfriend. But in the end I was a caricature - I hated my life and (at the time) I didn't know why. I avoided the silly hobbies I liked because he thought they were pointless. I was almost OCD about being neat because his J demanded it and I hated to make him upset. It was a mess, yet the relationship started out nothing like this. And I know the guy didn't mean to make me unhappy, we were just young I think.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  3. #33
    Junior Member Array
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    Jun 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by Verfremdungseffekt View Post
    ... She ... took the suggestion that things weren't perfect between us as a personal affront.
    That sounds ESFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Verfremdungseffekt View Post
    She would make plans and consult with all of her family and friends {before presenting me ...}
    That sounds ESFJ, too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Verfremdungseffekt View Post
    What really pissed her off was the idea that we weren't communicating effectively.

    ... {family and friends...} before presenting me with decrees.

    ... She kept insisting there were no problems
    I wonder if she saw communication as a one-way street? She communicates, you comply? Do any of the following Typological comments 'fit' her?

    "May be oblivious to all but their own viewpoint, valuing their own viewpoint, valuing their own certainties to the exclusion of others"
    "May attribute their own problems to arbitrary and unprovable notions about the way people "ought" to behave"
    "May be unable to acknowledge anything that goes against their certainty about the "correct" or "right" way to do things", bullet points under third side heading "Potential problem Areas"

    Quote Originally Posted by Verfremdungseffekt View Post
    Of course, the implication that she had gotten the idea from a sitcom... uh. ... why she had such an extreme emotional response to this interpretation... um. Well, not sure what to think, there.
    Defensive Denial? (in the psychological sense)

    Quote Originally Posted by Verfremdungseffekt View Post
    I guess I should note -- I'm not really looking for answers right now; I've spent too much energy on this, and I've got better things to think about.
    There is no 'answer'. But there may be scope for better understanding, which can feed through to reducing the likelihood of repeating the same sort of unsatisfactory relationship in future. Oh, to that end, while you're trying to figure out her, you won't overlook yourself, will you? It's not at all easy of course to recognise the hidden motives of one's psyche, which are often well self-defended anyway, which is one reason that one's energy can gravitate towards absorption with 'the Other' instead.

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