[ENTP] Single ENTPs

[substitute]

I've consciously chosen singleness as a permanent way of life. My brother's chosen it for the last 4 years and whilst he hasn't made any formal commitment to it as I have, he says he'll look for another relationship "when he's ready" and he isn't ready yet!

I find myself in comparison to many people I know who are always in relationships, much more sure of who I am, what I want, what I'm doing etc, and more in control of my life. Obviously I'm not saying relationships are a bad thing because I can clearly see that for a lot of people they're brilliant.

I don't feel at all lonely... I've written at length about my choice for celibacy on my website

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

I don't think singledom is ideal. I'd just rather have it over the wrong thing (there's a lot of the wrong thing out there).

 

[jenocyde]

Sub, I wrote you a pm about your site - but I just want to ask you if you don't feel lonely perhaps because you have children and an active family life that keeps your mind active? Do you feel that you will be happy maintaining a chaste lifestyle? - commitment of any sort seems rather suffocating to me.

I don't necessarily feel lonely but sometimes I feel a bit 'wistful', for lack of a better word... I definitely do need companionship but that can come from anywhere, not just romantic relationships.

 

[substitute]

Sub, I wrote you a pm about your site - but I just want to ask you if you don't feel lonely perhaps because you have children and an active family life that keeps your mind active? Do you feel that you will be happy maintaining a chaste lifestyle? - commitment of any sort seems rather suffocating to me.

I don't necessarily feel lonely but sometimes I feel a bit 'wistful', for lack of a better word... I definitely do need companionship but that can come from anywhere, not just romantic relationships.

I dunno, the best answer I could give would be a guess based on a hypothetical situation I haven't experienced.

I can say that before I had kids, I was happier being single, and since I had them I still wanted to be... for me, being in a relationship just feels wrong. Like it's just not what I'm meant for... I guess it's a sense of vocation but whether that's religious or not, I mean I've barely been near a church for over a year now but even so when I think of the kids growing up and leaving home, I just really can't imagine myself wanting a relationship.

That's not to say I don't occasionally meet or get to know someone and think "you know, in another world/life/whatever..." but it's fleeting and pretty easily put aside. I don't feel at all tormented or tempted by it. Perhaps I might if I found the other person felt the same, but because I tend to assume they don't, the idea of making a fool of myself doesn't really appeal much!!

I don't see why I wouldn't be happy maintaining a single lifestyle... I mean it's not really the "active family life" that keeps me sane at all... I'm just a very gregarious person with a lot of friends, I never have any difficulty with finding friends and people to hang out with or satisfying work to do. There are always things to do in the world, I don't feel I'm in any danger of running out of things to do or people to see.

If I ever did accept a relationship, it would be purely and simply for the sake of being with that person, for themselves, sheer pleasure in their company (which outweighed any down sides) and I'd need to be completely convinced that they were in it for the same reason. Not to fulfill some sort of personal need or plug some gap in my life. I don't feel my life has gaps that need plugging... I'm pretty content

 

[Edgar]

It is a good consolation, thanks. But I truly want everyone to be happy, not just me or the few people in good relationships.

Hold on, let me take that tattered old NT card from you and issue you a nice new NF card.

 

[marmandahalf]

Hold on, let me take that tattered old NT card from you and issue you a nice new NF card.

 

[jenocyde]

Sub - you summed it up, I think. "maybe in another lifetime" is what I should stamp on my forehead.

Edgar - Noooooooooo!!!! I had a momentary lapse in judgment, it will never happen again!

 

[Sachetan]

I sometimes wonder if monogamy really has any inherent value for us. I know that it does for a lot of people, that they need that, but I just don't know if we're biologically cut out for it. I see so many people constantly distraught over relationship problems and I wonder if two human personalities can be expected to remain close enough for intimate exclusivity for life. Life is a long fucking time!

So many more people to explore, why do I need to commit my entire life to one?

Also, isn't it statistically probable that even if you find "the one", there are probably numerous even better matches for you out there? Consider the miniscule fraction of people in the world that you'll actually encounter in your lifetime, and it doesn't seem too likely that your "one true love" exists among them.

What if thought you'd found the one and then ended up meeting someone even better? How can you know there isn't anything better out there? How can you be content not looking for it?

The way I see it is that everything is negotiable. First, it doesn't have to be monogamous. You have to define loving as you prefer it. Is it devoting oneself totally to you? Helping you out with the groceries? Or something else? And what about the other? What does he/she need and want?

I believe that a life-lasting happy relationship is difficult. People grow and many times to different directions. That perfect guy 10 years ago is someone very different now. And so are you.

I believe that relationships are there to teach us. They bring joy and sorrow of many kinds. If you've learned your lesson then it may be a time to move on and take lessons from someone else.

Even though I'm a rational I've fell in love a couple of times (!) and only trusted in my feelings at those times. That time it's been impossible for me to even think that there might be "a better one out there". For me thinking that would be a test to know that the guy isn't the one for me.

 

[onemoretime]

I honestly think that people aren't "meant" to go through life alone - and for people of our particular temperament, that can cause a few issues:

For one, it makes relationships with Fs a little difficult, as it's hard for them to see why seemingly disloyal people would stay together. One of my friends still can't figure out why Bill and Hillary Clinton never divorced, while it's obvious to me - they make each other better at what they do, and that suggests a far stronger and deeper connection to me than simply the trappings of a relationship.

Second, being in a relationship often means being tied down somewhere - which of course is anathema to an ENTP. Losing the flexibility to quickly schedule a vacation or being caught in the SO's family life/schedules can be absolutely draining. Long-term, it seems ENTPs do not have the same nesting instinct that most other types have, and this can be a sharp point of conflict.

Finally, there comes the unavoidable compatibility issues. ENTPs generally want to be around someone as social as they are, but someone with enough depth to where a new fact or trait about a person appears often enough to where they regain the initial fascination with that person. That's a tough balance - the "hard" introverts don't want to go out so much, so they're "not fun", and the "hard" extraverts oftentimes are WYSIWYG, and that can be very boring. Thus, you often see the search for the perfect other, one that will never come, but still appeals to the shadow romantic in us enough to drive the quest.

My $.02, take it or leave it.

 

[entropie]

Well I cant say much on the topic, cause I seem to be fundamentally genetic different. Things or people have never gotten boring for me so far, cause, when they were part of my world, there were always new things to discover and I have tried so far to combine things or people in my endeavours.

My greatest achievement thus far, I wasnt really aware of by the time, was bonding together a circle of friends, which would have prolly never met without me, cause I was always into different groups of people and as you know from your youth some groups tend to never see each other eye to eye.

I think I do so too in a relationship, I assimiliate my partner into my plans and grow together with her from day to day. The only thing that could bring me down, is if she was blocking the advancement or had no sense for exploration.

With my INFJ so far, I found the right maniac. We made alot of money in the past 3 years, healed each others souls to a great extent and gained alot of experience which has led us advance to level 50. As long as I am alive this will not stop, cause the working horse always discovers new planets.

Thats how it is for me and has always been. If I were to say that I cant have a long relationship, cause I think my partner will get boring, I would ultimately insult myself, cause it would mean for me that I couldnt keep it intresting for both of us.

I definitly know that I am an ESTJ in the end and that I have a huge responsibility issue with myself, but thats just how things are. And so far it works fine

 

[onemoretime]

Well I cant say much on the topic, cause I seem to be fundamentally genetic different. Things or people have never gotten boring for me so far, cause, when they were part of my world, there were always new things to discover and I have tried so far to combine things or people in my endeavours.

I think much of this can be cultural, too. I've noticed in people from Germany that I've known a greater willingness among all personalities to discuss the inner workings and meanings of concepts, while American culture generally disdains "thinking too hard about things", and promotes the (IMO shallow, and no, there's no value judgment behind it) sociality represented by things such as small talk and celebrity culture.

It's easy to never be bored by people when they never give you anything to be bored about.

 

[simulatedworld]

I was thinking the past few days about how nice relationships sound in theory, but I can't reconcile it with my compulsive need for freedom. Are there any single ENTPs that regret being single? Are there partnered ones that have regrets about being in a couple? I'm just trying to figure out if happy long term relationships for this type can really happen or if I'm just kidding myself...

I only regret being single when I'm not getting laid regularly.

 

[entropie]

I think much of this can be cultural, too. I've noticed in people from Germany that I've known a greater willingness among all personalities to discuss the inner workings and meanings of concepts, while American culture generally disdains "thinking too hard about things", and promotes the (IMO shallow, and no, there's no value judgment behind it) sociality represented by things such as small talk and celebrity culture.



It's easy to never be bored by people when they never give you anything to be bored about.

Hmm, didnt know that. But for me it's true, my girlfriend and me have ventured deeply into each others souls in long discussions about our reality and reality in itself.

Even in bars in pure boy rounds, we manage to dwelve deeply into each other worlds, but I have to say too that shallowness is getting stronger with people with age. Some people seem to loose their intrest in life on the way of getting older and it all ends with discussion about the newest bands, cars or whatsoever

 

[HaHa]

I feel like it would take a lot for there to be both a girl I want to date that also wants to date me. I would need things to be fresh everyday or else I would eventually get bored, and spontaneously try to fuck another girl. (I pretty much know for a fact that I'm going to cheat during my first serious relationship, just to get the experience of it.) She would also need to be the opposite of clingy. It's not that I don't care, but remembering to call good night, or to be somewhere at specific times, or to plan my life............ewwwwwwwwwwwww......can't we just be fuckbuddies?

 

[Valuable_Money]

Ive never been in a really serious reationship so I dont know how the monotony would get, most of my relationships have listed about 2 weeks, Once I reach the one month point then Ill start thinking about the long term. No I do NOT want to die alone.

 

[HaHa]

Ive never been in a really serious reationship so I dont know how the monotony would get, most of my relationships have listed about 2 weeks, Once I reach the one month point then Ill start thinking about the long term. No I do NOT want to die alone.

You do anyway if she dies first. All you're really getting is a 50/50 shot.

 

[Valuable_Money]

You do anyway if she dies first. All you're really getting is a 50/50 shot.

Oh ye of little faith, you even doubt my ability to die!
Also while I forget the statistics I believe with the average Female vs Male age of death its more around a 70/30 chance.

 

[HaHa]

Oh ye of little faith, you even doubt my ability to die!
Also while I forget the statistics I believe with the average Female vs Male age of death its more around a 70/30 chance.

Not if you marry a young one. To accomplish your goal, you should wait until you should marry a girl 30 years younger than you and stay away from heavy machinery.

 

[thisGuy]

you do realize that relationships become monotonous because YOU become monotonous.

growth is always possible, you just have to grow up and embrace it.

 

[tinkerbell]

It's because NTP's are the most selfish types. So, relationships are particularly difficult.

gee I'm not sure about that, I know loads of Artisans who are a lot more selfish....

I'd think Nt's are just more interested in other things, which gets in their way to get nto relationships....

I'm serially guilty of that, and having high standards (which I don't appologies for),