[NT] NTs, just plain rude?

[norepinephrine]

Rudeness is a personality trait, not a type trait. Seriously now guys... Come on. You can fix rudeness, wouldn't you see being rude or inconsiderate as a weakness for you to conquer (assuming you suffer from those)?

It's not rudeness so much, for me, as the involuntary slips of the tongue. I'm generally polite, externally.

But every once in a while when I'm preoccupied, the mental dialogue escapes and is verbalized.

Gah! Now everyone has had a glimpse of what I'm really thinking.

 

[Salomé]

Shut the fuck up you bitter deluded woman (!) INTP. You have nothing interesting to add to the discussion. Ever.

*makes feel sorry for me I'm an INTJ eyes at blue*

That was just plain rude.
I do feel sorry for you, however.

 

[MacGuffin]

LOL, figures an NTJ would make this thread.

We NTPs can be quite charming. Or at least know how to STFU.

 

[zago]

I am either as rude as I want to be or very polite. If I'm being polite, it means I'm not comfortable around someone though.

Proof? I got banned for a month for saying "fuck you" at INTPc. I just felt comfortable there and was expressing my feelings about being censored. It didn't occur to me to sugar coat it.

 

[juggernaut]

LOL, figures an NTJ would make this thread.

We NTPs can be quite charming. Or at least know how to STFU.

OR at least you think so. Despite the great warmth I feel for the large number I work with on a daily basis, the closest thing to charm I've seen from an INTP male is silence. Most are cute because of their utter lack of charm and general social retardedness. When it comes to normal human interaction, they're like puppies that are so homely you feel obligated to take them home and care for them.

 

[Kasper]

Some T's can be rude to others and then very, very sensitive to rudeness coming back from others in return. When this happens, it is shocking to witness. One tends to take their coming on strong with the rudeness as a sign they're ready to take it return.

Amen to that :rolli:

Re OP; No, I'm not rude and those who know me irl would not say I am either, I have plenty of weaknesses but rudeness or an inconsideration of the effect my words/actions may have on others isn't one of them. IMO that is a maturity/personal responsibility thing not a type thing, NTs just may not see it as something that needs to be overcome as it’s pretty common to not care that much about the feelings of others. I've even seen NTs take pride in their rudeness, they think being 'honest' in the form of rudeness is actually a good quality.

 

[mippus]

I am either as rude as I want to be or very polite. If I'm being polite, it means I'm not comfortable around someone though.

I recognise this in myself: being rude with my close friends as a strange way of expressing how fond I am of them.
To bystanders, this may be hard to read...

 

[yenom]

For years my ESFJ mother has been on my case about my lack of consideration for other people's feeling, or put more plainly, my rudeness. I've always known her opinion of me was fairly accurate.

What I'm wondering is whether rudeness is the true defining feature of the NT personality? For a while I thought it was, perhaps, just an NTJ thing. Then I realized that were just as many, if not more, rude NTPs. After that I considered that the rude/not rude split might be along E/I lines....now I feel fairly confident that the INTs are just as rude as the ENTs. Are NTs, as a group, just rude people?

Disclaimer: If you think you're a polite NT, please feel free to politely share with us why you think that's the case. I don't want to start another flamewar between the NTs, I just would like to know how other NTs see themselves.

Oh there is a cure. Videotape what you say and platy it to yourself over and over again when you are bored.

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Pretty much everyone in my family was a bit... er, unhealthy. They all thought I was horrible. It seemed anything I did, however large or small and whatever my intention, left people aghast. Dark humor, reasoned analysis, choosing my own academic path.

And Lord, they wouldn't leave me alone. No sense of emotional breathing room at all. They couldn't understand why I was so cold.

Which is fun, since when I care about people I do try my best to help them. Just... leave me alone, and I'll do what I can.

When I'm around people of my own choosing, I seem to come off as unusually polite and gentle.

 

[ed111]

Screw you, who died and made you God?

 

[digesthisickness]

if i'm rude, then i apparently do it in such a way that it's not usually taken that way. for instance, around 2:00am this morning, an old friend called me up on his cell to tell me all about his recent misfortunes. including the fact that his cell will be cut off in four days, and he was in his pick-up truck at the time because that's where he's been living for two weeks because his girlfriend kicked him out.

in the midst of this conversation, he mentioned that a really hot girl just pulled in beside him in a brand new SUV, and was giving him 'the eye'.

my response: uh huh, i know what you're thinking, "damn, i could really stretch out and get a good night's sleep in that sweet sweet ride."

and, instead of getting pissed, he burst out laughing, and said, "damn, when you hang up, i'm going to go right back to feeling sorry for myself."

rude? probably. insensitive? also probably. funny? evidently.

 

[Economica]

rude? probably. insensitive? also probably.

Really?

I consider myself pretty good at the social stuff for an INTJ and all, but I'm oblivious to this one. What's the offense, exactly?

 

[jenocyde]

my response: uh huh, i know what you're thinking, "damn, i could really stretch out and get a good night's sleep in that sweet sweet ride."

and, instead of getting pissed, he burst out laughing, and said, "damn, when you hang up, i'm going to go right back to feeling sorry for myself."

Haha, that was hilarious!!!

 

[juggernaut]

Really?

I consider myself pretty good at the social stuff for an INTJ and all, but I'm oblivious to this one.

Hmmm, I wonder if it's the obliviousness that's at the heart of the problem? We just don't see a problem with our behavior, even when others try to point it out to us (noticing that trend even in this thread a bit). I certainly don't ever set out with the intention of being rude or discourteous and I do feel bad once I know I've wounded someone who didn't have it coming (those that do have it coming I couldn't care less about).

I have to admit the choice of the term "rude" was mine. I don't think I've ever actually been called rude irl, just insensitive. I can conduct myself in an appropriate manner in social situations (I even know which fork to use!), but the people nearest and dearest to me, have suggested a certain lack of consideration (on my part) for their feelings on occasion. I'm just assuming that they meant rude. Maybe abrupt would have been a better choice of words.

 

[Economica]

Hmmm, I wonder if it's the obliviousness that's at the heart of the problem?

I think so, yes. We start out in life with a disadvantage here. I think we can go a long way to compensate for our natural cluelessness if we apply ourselves, however, and make a conscious effort to put ourselves in other people's shoes: I was recently complimented for my sensitivity by an INFP.

Edit: I won't claim a sensitivity to rival that of proficient Fe users (full disclosure: the above compliment was induced by an apology for oblivious behavior ), but I do think an INTJ can avoid being tagged with the 'insensitive' label in all but the most stressful of situations and by all but the most unreasonable people (or guilt manipulators).

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Screw you, who died and made you God?

George Burns, I believe. I seem to have misplaced the certificate.

 

[LucrativeSid]

I'm not rude in general. We all have our moments, though.

 

[Tallulah]

if i'm rude, then i apparently do it in such a way that it's not usually taken that way. for instance, around 2:00am this morning, an old friend called me up on his cell to tell me all about his recent misfortunes. including the fact that his cell will be cut off in four days, and he was in his pick-up truck at the time because that's where he's been living for two weeks because his girlfriend kicked him out.

in the midst of this conversation, he mentioned that a really hot girl just pulled in beside him in a brand new SUV, and was giving him 'the eye'.

my response: uh huh, i know what you're thinking, "damn, i could really stretch out and get a good night's sleep in that sweet sweet ride."

and, instead of getting pissed, he burst out laughing, and said, "damn, when you hang up, i'm going to go right back to feeling sorry for myself."

rude? probably. insensitive? also probably. funny? evidently.

I think jokes/joking comments are a different thing altogether, though. For me, funny is funny, and if you succeed in making me laugh, then I won't care if it was insensitive or what have you. I'd have laughed pretty hard at the above comment, and I'd have also known that you weren't being oblivious and rude, just trying to lighten the situation by injecting some humor.

I think truly rude people are either a) totally oblivious to the tone of their comments, b) not caring whether they come across as rude, because they're more concerned with themselves than others' feelings, or c) wanting to disarm/assert a dominant position through shock value or an attempt to lower someone's confidence or self-esteem.

Probably most NT fall in the a) category, because we have very little interest in being the alpha dog.

What I can't stand are people who say stuff like, "Wow, you've gained a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!" or something equally rude and offputting. What is to gain by not filtering a comment like that? I can only imagine that things like that are said to even the playing field and take the receiver down a few pegs. Because, seriously? You've reached adulthood and not realized that things like that are offensive? No way.

 

[sunset5678]

I've learned same pretty much goes for all NTs. Other types can do whatever they want as long as they sit in a corner quietly and wait to be spoken to or given direction, but we are unreasonable, take charge, or
complicated because we take matters into our own hands and don't sit
around waiting to be given direction.

 

[Salomé]

OR at least you think so. Despite the great warmth I feel for the large number I work with on a daily basis, the closest thing to charm I've seen from an INTP male is silence. Most are cute because of their utter lack of charm and general social retardedness. When it comes to normal human interaction, they're like puppies that are so homely you feel obligated to take them home and care for them.

Ha! Told you we were fluffy and wuvable. It's a ruse. How many have you taken home to "care for"?

We're even charming when we're not being charming.