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  1. #51
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    if i'm rude, then i apparently do it in such a way that it's not usually taken that way. for instance, around 2:00am this morning, an old friend called me up on his cell to tell me all about his recent misfortunes. including the fact that his cell will be cut off in four days, and he was in his pick-up truck at the time because that's where he's been living for two weeks because his girlfriend kicked him out.

    in the midst of this conversation, he mentioned that a really hot girl just pulled in beside him in a brand new SUV, and was giving him 'the eye'.

    my response: uh huh, i know what you're thinking, "damn, i could really stretch out and get a good night's sleep in that sweet sweet ride."

    and, instead of getting pissed, he burst out laughing, and said, "damn, when you hang up, i'm going to go right back to feeling sorry for myself."

    rude? probably. insensitive? also probably. funny? evidently.
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  2. #52
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    rude? probably. insensitive? also probably.
    Really?

    I consider myself pretty good at the social stuff for an INTJ and all, but I'm oblivious to this one. What's the offense, exactly?

  3. #53
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    my response: uh huh, i know what you're thinking, "damn, i could really stretch out and get a good night's sleep in that sweet sweet ride."

    and, instead of getting pissed, he burst out laughing, and said, "damn, when you hang up, i'm going to go right back to feeling sorry for myself."
    Haha, that was hilarious!!!

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Really?

    I consider myself pretty good at the social stuff for an INTJ and all, but I'm oblivious to this one.
    Hmmm, I wonder if it's the obliviousness that's at the heart of the problem? We just don't see a problem with our behavior, even when others try to point it out to us (noticing that trend even in this thread a bit). I certainly don't ever set out with the intention of being rude or discourteous and I do feel bad once I know I've wounded someone who didn't have it coming (those that do have it coming I couldn't care less about).

    I have to admit the choice of the term "rude" was mine. I don't think I've ever actually been called rude irl, just insensitive. I can conduct myself in an appropriate manner in social situations (I even know which fork to use!), but the people nearest and dearest to me, have suggested a certain lack of consideration (on my part) for their feelings on occasion. I'm just assuming that they meant rude. Maybe abrupt would have been a better choice of words.

  5. #55
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by juggernaut View Post
    Hmmm, I wonder if it's the obliviousness that's at the heart of the problem?
    I think so, yes. We start out in life with a disadvantage here. I think we can go a long way to compensate for our natural cluelessness if we apply ourselves, however, and make a conscious effort to put ourselves in other people's shoes: I was recently complimented for my sensitivity by an INFP.

    Edit: I won't claim a sensitivity to rival that of proficient Fe users (full disclosure: the above compliment was induced by an apology for oblivious behavior ), but I do think an INTJ can avoid being tagged with the 'insensitive' label in all but the most stressful of situations and by all but the most unreasonable people (or guilt manipulators).

  6. #56
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ed111 View Post
    Screw you, who died and made you God?
    George Burns, I believe. I seem to have misplaced the certificate.

  7. #57
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    I'm not rude in general. We all have our moments, though.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. #58
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    if i'm rude, then i apparently do it in such a way that it's not usually taken that way. for instance, around 2:00am this morning, an old friend called me up on his cell to tell me all about his recent misfortunes. including the fact that his cell will be cut off in four days, and he was in his pick-up truck at the time because that's where he's been living for two weeks because his girlfriend kicked him out.

    in the midst of this conversation, he mentioned that a really hot girl just pulled in beside him in a brand new SUV, and was giving him 'the eye'.

    my response: uh huh, i know what you're thinking, "damn, i could really stretch out and get a good night's sleep in that sweet sweet ride."

    and, instead of getting pissed, he burst out laughing, and said, "damn, when you hang up, i'm going to go right back to feeling sorry for myself."

    rude? probably. insensitive? also probably. funny? evidently.
    I think jokes/joking comments are a different thing altogether, though. For me, funny is funny, and if you succeed in making me laugh, then I won't care if it was insensitive or what have you. I'd have laughed pretty hard at the above comment, and I'd have also known that you weren't being oblivious and rude, just trying to lighten the situation by injecting some humor.

    I think truly rude people are either a) totally oblivious to the tone of their comments, b) not caring whether they come across as rude, because they're more concerned with themselves than others' feelings, or c) wanting to disarm/assert a dominant position through shock value or an attempt to lower someone's confidence or self-esteem.

    Probably most NT fall in the a) category, because we have very little interest in being the alpha dog.

    What I can't stand are people who say stuff like, "Wow, you've gained a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!" or something equally rude and offputting. What is to gain by not filtering a comment like that? I can only imagine that things like that are said to even the playing field and take the receiver down a few pegs. Because, seriously? You've reached adulthood and not realized that things like that are offensive? No way.
    Something Witty

  9. #59
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    I've learned same pretty much goes for all NTs. Other types can do whatever they want as long as they sit in a corner quietly and wait to be spoken to or given direction, but we are unreasonable, take charge, or
    complicated because we take matters into our own hands and don't sit
    around waiting to be given direction.
    you have all the power you need if you dare to look
    for it.

  10. #60
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by juggernaut View Post
    OR at least you think so. Despite the great warmth I feel for the large number I work with on a daily basis, the closest thing to charm I've seen from an INTP male is silence. Most are cute because of their utter lack of charm and general social retardedness. When it comes to normal human interaction, they're like puppies that are so homely you feel obligated to take them home and care for them.
    Ha! Told you we were fluffy and wuvable. It's a ruse. How many have you taken home to "care for"?

    We're even charming when we're not being charming.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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