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  1. #1
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    Default INTP/ISFJ together?

    Two of my friends are starting a relationship with these types and I'm like "The hell? Really?" I adore them both, but would never have put them together. P'raps someone could shed light on what's going on here?

  2. #2
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    What is going on is they have a secret suicide pact. One will end up offing the other, and the one that is left will off themselves. If you care about your friends, you'd stop them at all costs.

  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    It actually can work if both are open to the other's approach. They counter each other's weaknesses very well, and if they're both more self-preservation/solitary, then they have a nice quiet safe home together.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    It actually can work if both are open to the other's approach. They counter each other's weaknesses very well, and if they're both more self-preservation/solitary, then they have a nice quiet safe home together.
    Counter eachother's weaknesses or undermine eachother's strengths? This is a relationship headed for the rocks in the long run. I'm friends with a girl who tested as an ISFJ, and she's really sweet, but I can only handle her in small doses. In other words, if I don't see her for a few months I can go out with her and have fun, and some good conversation by the way, but by the end of the night I am drained. ISFJs have an inner drive to micromanage every aspect of life that they have cause to value combined with an insatiable obsession with the specific, local, and close at hand. Now, this ISFJ is very intelligent and quite critical which I like, but she goes into such extensive detail about something that I consider so trivial that it's very taxing. I talk about global ideas, concepts, projects, and we analyze and she gives back a little. But then she defaults to sensor-speak, and goes into great detail about something I consider to be relatively abitrary that it's very draining.

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Provoker View Post
    Counter eachother's weaknesses or undermine eachother's strengths? This is a relationship headed for the rocks in the long run.
    Some people here would beg to differ. We've discussed this topic here before, and there are a few INTP/ISFJ couples on this site who will tell you that it can work.

    And I actually have had a long-term marriage with an ISFJ, and we did get it to work, and it's ending because of reasons entirely unrelated to our personalities.

    So yeah, it can work.

    The caveat is that it only works if both people are committed to each other and to not undermining the other person but seeing value in their approach. I think many other sorts of personality couplings have more room for error, this one has to be tight or it's going to be under a lot of stress. I also do not say I recommend it as the best type of relationship, it's very difficult sometimes, but it has its own rewards and is possible.


    I'm friends with a girl who tested as an ISFJ, and she's really sweet, but I can only handle her in small doses. In other words, if I don't see her for a few months I can go out with her and have fun, and some good conversation by the way, but by the end of the night I am drained. ISFJs have an inner drive to micromanage every aspect of life that they have cause to value combined with an insatiable obsession with the specific, local, and close at hand. Now, this ISFJ is very intelligent and quite critical which I like, but she goes into such extensive detail about something that I consider so trivial that it's very taxing. I talk about global ideas, concepts, projects, and we analyze and she gives back a little. But then she defaults to sensor-speak, and goes into great detail about something I consider to be relatively abitrary that it's very draining.
    Exactly. I had that exact same experience verbatim and almost left the relationship more than once. It's one of the pitfalls. (I also bored them when I went too abstract for them.) Eventually we learned how to balance each other and we both changed enough over time to give each other smaller doses of each other and to appreciate and not be bored with what the other was saying.

    You know how we talk about types getting "well-rounded" and developing their weak sides? That's what happens in a relationship like this. Your relationship either dies a miserable death, or you both become very well-rounded.

    So you both learn how to accommodate each other. Like I said, it's not an easy undertaking, but when it works, it can work well.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
    Widdles in your cream.
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    I think this depends mainly on the age of the two. I'd theorise that the older the couple, the further away the relationship is directed away from hitting rocks. This is of course a flawed assumption, but it does hold some logic.

    I'm seeing an ISFJ. We're both young - I'm 18, she's 18 at the end of May. We're both still developing in terms of maturity at different rates, and in different ways. For instance, my Ti is almost fully developed, whilst hers is barely in the embryonic stage; this applies to her Fe being developed, and so on. At this point in time, we couldn't be on more different wave lengths. For one, she likes films, and music, and getting involved with peoples' lives; I... don't. What doesn't help is the distance (I live 2 hours away) and the fact that our relationship is clandestine (teen dramaz alert) so in fairness, I think our relationship in particular is more likely to sink than any other ISFJ/INTP adolescent couple. Not that I'm a pessimist or anything, I'm just being realistic (unlike her).

    But anyway, yeah. Our mentalities are completely different, but I find that is what makes her so compelling. It's impossible to rationalize. I'm guessing my ISFJ found herself drawn to my social eccentricities, or something. The sceptic in me doubts she wants personal growth out of the relationship, so perhaps she sees me as this clod of putty to mold later on. I, for one, sought personal development out of it (as well as finding her attractive) because yeah, I found that listening to input from her perspective helpful; she helped prevent me from becoming stuck in a rut.

    We do have a similar sense of humour, which from my perspective is the cement of the relationship. But we still operate on different wave lengths and there is the inevitable risk of miscommunication, "Wait, what do you mean? :?" which I find a little disheartening. Plus, being introverts, we both have the tendency to showing reluctance in expressing our emotions towards one another. We both expect the other to initiate, so I find myself having to volunteer myself, which goes against my nature. Then again, I gain something by it by developing my Fe; I initiate my affections, she shows her appreciation, and thus I learn to express myself more.

    We have our problems, but they'll either smooth out with time, or they'll be the end of us. Only one way of finding out. *shrug*
    Um, yeah.

  7. #7
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    haha, I guess I'll tell you in a few months. For now though,
    Of course we're both a bit older than, say, Grungemouse... so I have pretty high hopes for us, and it's been amazing so far.
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

  8. #8
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    My sister is an ISFJ, and I couldn't imagine trying to be in a relationship with someone like her. She's a good person and means well and everything, but we just can't get along over extended periods of time. It's like no matter what I do, I can't communicate with her and she just gets angry and I just get frustrated. It's all really tiring.

    Then again, it may just be a sibling thing.
    Ti = 19 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Te = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ne = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fi = 15 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Si = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ni = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Se = 11[][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fe = 0

    -----------------
    Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
    Man got to sit and wonder why, why, why;
    Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
    Man got to tell himself he understand

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blank View Post
    My sister is an ISFJ, and I couldn't imagine trying to be in a relationship with someone like her. She's a good person and means well and everything, but we just can't get along over extended periods of time. It's like no matter what I do, I can't communicate with her and she just gets angry and I just get frustrated. It's all really tiring.

    Then again, it may just be a sibling thing.
    So the conclusion is, don't date your brother? Damn! There goes the plan...

  10. #10
    Widdles in your cream.
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmandahalf View Post
    So the conclusion is, don't date your brother? Damn! There goes the plan...
    But incest is fun for all the family!
    Um, yeah.

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