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Thread: ENTP moms

  1. #1
    Member booya moon's Avatar
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    Default ENTP moms

    I am currently expecting my first child. Sometimes I think this will be fun, but there are times I think I am probably going to ruin the kid`s life. I am not a very motherly type and sometimes I worry if I will be able to give the child all the attention it needs and deserves.
    Don`t get me wrong: I am really looking forward to this child. But being ENTP I wonder,...

    So, I would like to hear experiences from ENTP women who have children. Fathers are also welcomed to contribute

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    I think if you worry about messing up the kid's life, you have taken the first step on the path to being a good parent.

    Mine's almost 4 months old, she's asleep on my chest right now, and I worry constantly.

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    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    IMO, your baby doesn't need you to be a "motherly type." S/he just needs you to be you. And I agree with MacGuffin- bad parents often don't worry that they'll fuck up their kids, but good parents usually do. It's not 100% correlation but it's a good sign.

    Also, babies and children do need attention but not as much as some people would have you believe. I think we are all up in our kids' bidness a little too much these days. I believe small babies need to be held a lot and nursed a lot and be a part of our normal lives, and that will give them the security they need to get down and explore on their own when they can, which we should let them do as much as they want on their own. Check out The Continuum Concept for more details.

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    And... I think it was Ivy that told me that when I was all freaked out...

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    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Coming from a child's experience, my dad is an INTP. I don't know if he wondered this, but he was a great parent (best I've had). My dad and I have a great relationship, we can relate to a lot of things. People worry that they may be insensitive or something toward their kids, but he was never like that. However this may be due to the fact that when he had me he was in his mid 30's, so I imagine that side of him was starting to come around, and a child was the perfect time to cultivate it.

    You will NOT be insensitive to your child. I think there will be a natural impulse within you that tells you what to do... an instinct. You will try your hardest to be a good parent assuming you don't fail at life. My dad was never insensitive as I remember it, he was always very fair. He did what he thought was the "right" thing to do with my parenting. I had a good amount of freedom (which I didn't abuse, but I was a mellow kid and have been trustworthy all of my life), I had a voice in the household (until he got remarried to an ESTJ... different story though), and we had a lot of fun with dad-son activities. We live in the mountains, and we would go on hikes a few times a week together. Our cats would come with us too, we would hike up our property and they would follow us.

    My dad is great. I wouldn't ask for another dad... INTP makes for a great father. He is SUCH an INTP as well, it's funny.

    If you're really worried, I'd suggest going to a book store and looking at some parenting books, or doing some research online maybe. That could give you some hints, you could get more people's stories, etc.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Well, the thing that makes me feel inadequate as a single parent (and in a rather unique position since technically I'm their dad AND mom, in a very real sense...*)...

    Well, I'm fine until I start reading blogs of other moms, you know, where they just go on and on and on about their kids ALL the time, saying their kids are their life, their everything, their sun and moon and all that stuff, uploading dozens and dozens of pictures of them (which all look the same to me) and other moms commenting on them with sentimental coos and ahhs and stuff like that... and then there's my blog, where I barely mention my kids except in passing, and where they totally DEFINE themselves as parents/mothers, I feel my identity is very much independent of my parenthood, which is something "do", not something I "am".

    Just makes me feel like, well, I love my kids and I utterly put them first in my life, you know... but I'm not even capable of that level of attachment, I really don't think I am at all and I don't feel like that's a bad thing. But it's just, when I read that sort of stuff, it makes me feel hopelessly inadequate and as if I must be very cold, and I worry that my kids might think that too.

    But then I see the other side of things - how a lot of the kids of those women are very cossetted and sheltered, and quite restricted, you know, they don't have a lot of independence or freedom, and I contrast that with my kids who feel free to come and go and speak freely, and how I've never been one of those parents who other parents approach to talk about problems with their kids bullying and stuff, you know the ones who instantly get defensive and act all like "my darling would NEVER do a thing like THAT!"

    So... I dunno. I guess it's fine, until I temporarily start to feel shitty and stingey with the affection when I have that other end of the spectrum shoved in my face and get forced to compare myself to them.


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  7. #7
    Member booya moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Well, the thing that makes me feel inadequate as a single parent (and in a rather unique position since technically I'm their dad AND mom, in a very real sense...*)...

    Well, I'm fine until I start reading blogs of other moms, you know, where they just go on and on and on about their kids ALL the time, saying their kids are their life, their everything, their sun and moon and all that stuff, uploading dozens and dozens of pictures of them (which all look the same to me) and other moms commenting on them with sentimental coos and ahhs and stuff like that... and then there's my blog, where I barely mention my kids except in passing, and where they totally DEFINE themselves as parents/mothers, I feel my identity is very much independent of my parenthood, which is something "do", not something I "am".

    Just makes me feel like, well, I love my kids and I utterly put them first in my life, you know... but I'm not even capable of that level of attachment, I really don't think I am at all and I don't feel like that's a bad thing. But it's just, when I read that sort of stuff, it makes me feel hopelessly inadequate and as if I must be very cold, and I worry that my kids might think that too.

    But then I see the other side of things - how a lot of the kids of those women are very cossetted and sheltered, and quite restricted, you know, they don't have a lot of independence or freedom, and I contrast that with my kids who feel free to come and go and speak freely, and how I've never been one of those parents who other parents approach to talk about problems with their kids bullying and stuff, you know the ones who instantly get defensive and act all like "my darling would NEVER do a thing like THAT!"

    So... I dunno. I guess it's fine, until I temporarily start to feel shitty and stingey with the affection when I have that other end of the spectrum shoved in my face and get forced to compare myself to them.


    (*explained on my website if you're curious, linked in my sig)
    I can totally relate with what you said. I am usually bored to death when my friends start with lengthy debates about diapers and such. I usually put my brains in the standby mode and wait for some interesting topic to come up. I also can`t relate to people that define the parenthood as the sole essence of their life. I mean, it is a very important role, but there is much more to me than being a parent.

    I guess my worries emerge from the perceptions of others about me. When I told my parents about the baby, they were quite shocked. My dad said: "Wow, I thought you don`t want children. I thought you were all into science. (Like I can`t be good at both - I can, can I? That is what worries me )" BTW I never said I don`t want children, people just got that impression about me. So, I doubt myself: maybe they saw something I am not aware of.

  8. #8
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    bad parents often don't worry that they'll fuck up their kids, but good parents usually do.
    true! I was told this not too long ago because every now and then I have pangs of doubt as to whether or not I'm a good mother and this was very comforting for me to hear.

    when binks was a baby i worried constantly and a client of mine who ran a shelter for sexually abused girls said to me, "look, she needs to be fed, burped, changed, put down for naps. that mixed with all the love you and limey are giving her is all she needs now." this advice stayed with me throughout the infant years with all three of our children.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  9. #9
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    You might want to check out Gretchen Rubin, Happiness Project blogger at Slate. She is an ENTP mother and blogs about her family fairly often.

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