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Thread: ENTP Ennui

  1. #11
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I actually long for the end of the world sometimes. My head seems to be there already. The clarity of survival. The pure adrenaline of the apocalypse. I'm stuck in survival mode with no crisis. So, I make my own. Life: the crisis of existence. In the end, we all approach our own apocalypse anyway.
    Shit man, I got a lump in my throat reading that! Someone sent me a Facebook quiz link the other day asking what I thought were the top five things to lead to my untimely demise.

    I put in "driving too fast", cos I do that, night time driving on my own you know, hoping if you keep the intellect occupied enough with the bad conditions and stuff, it'll STFU long enough for me to see if I can feel anything.

    And I put "alcohol", cos that's something I tend to resort to when you get those times when you're so full of repressed feelings that you can't name or do anything about, it really is the only answer.

    But the one I knew was over and above all the others, but which obviously wasn't listed, was "running out of obligations to the world and so voluntarily leaving it". But I didn't think of that in a depressive sort of way - the picture I would've added if I could've figured out the widget there, would've been this one:



    Release, relief, you know? From the pointlessness, monotony and predictability of it all and into the greatest unknown of all.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #12
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I put in "driving too fast", cos I do that, night time driving on my own you know, hoping if you keep the intellect occupied enough with the bad conditions and stuff, it'll STFU long enough for me to see if I can feel anything.
    Me too... I've gotten like ten speeding tickets in the last few years.

    And I put "alcohol", cos that's something I tend to resort to when you get those times when you're so full of repressed feelings that you can't name or do anything about, it really is the only answer.
    I don't drink much for this reason. I KNOW if I do, I'll lose my grip, which is not very tight anyway.

    But the one I knew was over and above all the others, but which obviously wasn't listed, was "running out of obligations to the world and so voluntarily leaving it". But I didn't think of that in a depressive sort of way - the picture I would've added if I could've figured out the widget there, would've been this one:

    Release, relief, you know? From the pointlessness and predictability of it all and into the greatest unknown of all.
    I think about death almost every day. I don't know why. It's just always there in the background. The ground approaching in slow motion.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I don't drink much for this reason. I KNOW if I do, I'll lose my grip, which is not very tight anyway.
    Yeah, I've lost the plot there once or twice... not for long though.

    I think about death almost every day. I don't know why. It's just always there in the background. The ground approaching in slow motion.
    Me too, but not in a morbid way, that's the weird thing that I can't seem to explain to people. I'm not depressed, though I know I might sound it from this thread!! lol I remember when I was a teenager studying the Tudors and I learned about St Thomas Moore you know, how when he was executed for his beliefs, he died gracefully and with a smile and a joke with the executioner. I was fascinated by it and read his biographies and loads of stuff about him, and how he sorta wrestled in prison with the instinct for survival and fear of death, and just became totally accepting of it.

    Really made a mark on me actually. I've made a point of forcing myself to remember that I'm mortal, regularly, really think about it. Just makes you have like, no interest at all in all the BS in life doesn't it? Like let's just cut that all out and gtf on with it. When I worked as a chaplain and had to visit people in their deathbeds and stuff, so many of them saying they wished they'd realized sooner that all that status, popularity, keeping up with the joneses, vanity stuff was BS and they wish they'd thought about what really mattered younger and put their energies into that.

    I reckon it's stuff like that that's at the bottom of why my mom says she despairs of me. It's just you know, she still thinks those things matter so it bothers her that I don't care about them, not one little bit. So she does stuff all the time that when you say "why the hell did you do that?" she can only answer "I don't know", but whatever it is I've done or said you can ask me and I can tell you exactly why, and stand by it.

    Eh, what are we doing talking like this, we're the shallowest of the NT's, remember, or isn't that what they keep saying?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  4. #14
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    so I think, where the ennui comes from perhaps, is that we really need things to MEAN something, it's got to be totally engaging, but cos we're smelling the shades of BS on so much of normal life, just nothing's really engaging us, so there's nothing that's able to keep our interest up to the level where it becomes genuinely challenging.

    Having realized how futile so much stuff is, I guess we're left trying to find something that has meaning and substance, that throws open the bigger picture so we can see exactly where we're supposed to put ourselves. Like reality's a big carpet or tapestry and we're each individual threads - it's relentless wanting to step back, back, back, to see more and more of the carpet, to know where we should thread ourselves... until it's revealed, everything else is just pointless.

    I guess that's the bitch of having Ne for a mistress. Working general to specific, if you've gotta get the big picture in place before you can start working down, when it comes to the Big Things, that's a harsh mistress, innit. If you were an Si-ite and worked from specific to general, you could be happy doing your specific things without having any idea how pointless they are
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #15
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Me too... I've gotten like ten speeding tickets in the last few years.
    Don't you hate when people say things like, "I HOPE THE EXTRA 15 MINUTES YOU SAVED BY SPEEDING WAS WORTH THE 200 DOLLAR TICKET LOL"

    No, not on its own, but combined with the amount of time I've saved by speeding on the 99.99% of occasions where I didn't get caught, it was damn well worth the 200 bucks. It's like buying a license to drive faster.

    The police would have to catch me a significant portion of the time to make speeding not economically profitable (though I guess this depends on what value you place on your time.)
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  6. #16
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    what you guys need are the ancient, winding, dark, pot-holed and completely police free countryside lanes of Europe - at night, it's like having your own private race track

    edit - suppose you were going to a job where you'd be paid $200 per day for the week, but if you were late on your first day you got fired. I'd say the ticket was worth it
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #17
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    ENTP ennui???

    Back off extraverts! That's an INTP thing!

  8. #18
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    suppose you were going to a job where you'd be paid $200 per day for the week, but if you were late on your first day you got fired. I'd say the ticket was worth it
    Haha, the belief system we're mocking is totally how a lot of people approach poker. It's so silly.

    People will throw $100 at a $5 pot just to show how big their balls are, and the fact that it usually wins is used as justification for its merit.

    Nevermind the fact that it has to work 19x as often as it fails to actually make money ^_^
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  9. #19
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Holy shit, I feel that you guys are speaking from my soul. I think about death every single day. I'm not obsessed with dying but it's always present and waiting. I've been prepared since I was a little girl, and I'm not scared - it's just another part of the journey. But I can't even begin to tell you how many near misses I've had.

    I push myself so I can feel life. I love flying and I know I will die in a plane crash or from crashing out of the sky. I'm obsessed with being in the air. I'll be that idiot girl base jumping to my accidental death. I'm actually working on my pilot's license now.

    The apocalypse thing made me laugh. I fantasize (and get excited) about crashing on a remote island and having to survive. I know I could never make it back, since I'm shitty with directions, but I could probably survive for years in the wild until I decide it's time to end it - on my own terms.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I remember when I was a teenager studying the Tudors and I learned about St Thomas Moore you know, how when he was executed for his beliefs, he died gracefully and with a smile and a joke with the executioner. I was fascinated by it and read his biographies and loads of stuff about him, and how he sorta wrestled in prison with the instinct for survival and fear of death, and just became totally accepting of it.
    Well, all you can do is come to terms with it. It is a problem with no solution.

    I'm not surprised by your fascination. In a way we are all in the shadow of the gallows. I just expect that as I get older and my mind and body deteriorate I'll be ready to let go of life.

    Really made a mark on me actually. I've made a point of forcing myself to remember that I'm mortal, regularly, really think about it. Just makes you have like, no interest at all in all the BS in life doesn't it? Like let's just cut that all out and gtf on with it. When I worked as a chaplain and had to visit people in their deathbeds and stuff, so many of them saying they wished they'd realized sooner that all that status, popularity, keeping up with the joneses, vanity stuff was BS and they wish they'd thought about what really mattered younger and put their energies into that.
    The problem with this is, it's too easy to start seeing literally everything as meaningless bullshit. Why should things have meaning? I think this is the central question. Why do we need meaning? What is meaning?

    Eh, what are we doing talking like this, we're the shallowest of the NT's, remember, or isn't that what they keep saying?
    Shallow waters run deep.

    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Don't you hate when people say things like, "I HOPE THE EXTRA 15 MINUTES YOU SAVED BY SPEEDING WAS WORTH THE 200 DOLLAR TICKET LOL"
    I just don't like worrying about what the speed limit is at any given time.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Holy shit, I feel that you guys are speaking from my soul. I think about death every single day. I'm not obsessed with dying but it's always present and waiting. I've been prepared since I was a little girl, and I'm not scared - it's just another part of the journey. But I can't even begin to tell you how many near misses I've had.

    I push myself so I can feel life. I love flying and I know I will die in a plane crash or from crashing out of the sky. I'm obsessed with being in the air. I'll be that idiot girl base jumping to my accidental death. I'm actually working on my pilot's license now.

    The apocalypse thing made me laugh. I fantasize (and get excited) about crashing on a remote island and having to survive. I know I could never make it back, since I'm shitty with directions, but I could probably survive for years in the wild until I decide it's time to end it - on my own terms.
    Yea, I really enjoy stories like Robinson Crusoe or war stories things like that. Where the nitty gritty of life is laid bare.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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