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  1. #51
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Yeah, I usually just keep my dislike or annoyance with someone to myself. This is because I know my opinion of them is open to change, and it's not really worth making enemies with someone or making them feel bad because at one given moment in time I feel like I don't like them. If I don't like them to a high enough degree, then I can just avoid spending a lot of time with them. Unless the person is actively antagonizing me, in which case I can be provoked into antagonizing back. Sometimes, if it's bad enough, I can get nasty.

    Even then, however, I don't really think "oh God, I hate this person for all eternity." This has gotten on some people's nerves because they wonder why my value judgments are so inconsistent.

    For instance, there is this one girl who has an annoying and sort of grating personality, and has a history of not being nice to me and a couple of my friends. One day we were talking about something she was doing during class (she was making weird facial expressions), and my friends all ascribed the worst possible motivations and intentions to her behavior. I started arguing that we don't even know whether that's the case or not, and they were all like, "Orangey, you know she's a jerk. Remember how she treated you and so and so that one time? How can you not think that her motivations are bad?"
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  2. #52
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I thought you might enjoy reading an outsider's perspective on INTP behaviour.
    Ahh. That was your first mistake.

    We are a law unto ourselves, didn't you know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey
    Even then, however, I don't really think "oh God, I hate this person for all eternity." This has gotten on some people's nerves because they wonder why my value judgments are so inconsistent.
    We aren't very good at holding grudges.
    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey
    I started arguing that we don't even know whether that's the case or not, and they were all like, "Orangey, you know she's a jerk. Remember how she treated you and so and so that one time? How can you not think that her motivations are bad?"
    Heh. It's partly because we are often detached from the way we feel or the way others make us feel, and partly because we can never be certain of anything, we always have to allow the element of doubt. Seems to be a common theme for INTP women anyway, we've just been talking about this stuff.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #53
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    I generally deal with the person as little as possible if I dislike them... I will not address them, involve them in a conversation, nor will I show emotion toward them whatsoever except for a slight detachment. If I hate someone, I will completely ignore them - and dress them down verbally if they push the issue. Hate is rare with me, though.

  4. #54
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    Yes well, i might hate someone, and vice versa. I am a human being, not a saint. But my hate could purely be based on my own prejudice on that person, rather than actually the person is actually good or not. So even if i hold antagonism towards that person, I would not let it cloud my judgement.

    But I do often make enemies , and I am not hesitant to say it straight in their face. Conflict occurs when there is a mutual clash of interests, rather than based on my personal hate of that person

    But self-interest always comes first, I can gladly make peace and shake hands with someone i intensely dislike if it serves my long term interest. This is not an easy thing to do.
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  5. #55
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    This is why this is a discussion of some of the signs INTPs might typically show when they don't like someone, it's not a workshop on how an INFP feels about people and what they think the best course of action is.

    (Although I agree that your approach I think is more productive long term. But then again, people are at where they're at, and they're who they are... and you really have no idea of the actual situation, you're sort of projecting your INFP perceptions on "what this guy must be feeling and why he is behaving this way." Maybe the guy actually IS annoying, and being nice to him will not fix that. We just cannot be sure right now, without observation.)
    And that's my response to why the INTP's typical response is not effective, and why this one in particular is immature.

    I asked for clarification, but the OP's description sounds very typical of the situation I described. If you want to start pulling MBTI on me, then I will claim better ability to read people's feelings than INTPs .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #56
    . Blank's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Awww....my heart breaks for this poor kid. He just wants someone to accept him and be his friend and you're looking for ways to reject him. This sounds very, very high school. I guess when you get older you're less judgmental towards people. What is so terribly annoying about this guy?
    Why don't you take him under your wing and cultivate his better qualities?
    I bet half his issue is insecurity and being rejected by people (that's why he tries so hard). Some of my best friends came out of people who annoyed me a bit at first.

    Otherwise, I say grow a spine and be direct. Outright tell him he is not invited when you make plans.
    Your current approach is obviously not clever or effective.
    You don't need to be clever or effective to make someone gtfo. Plus, I'm the kind of INTP who prefers to be direct and avoid bullshit. If it's not important, it's not worth my time which could be used for other things...like slacking. I was direct with this kid, but I wasn't trying to offend him and just say, "Dude you act like a little middle schooler, now gtfo."

    The best metaphor I can ascribe to this kid is that he's like a little gay toy poodle who's constantly trying to hump other dogs, which ignore him.

    The dude's a fucking creeper, for instance, he followed my one friend everywhere, even to the bathroom while he was trying to brush his teeth and shit. He'll just stand there and watch people, and it's fucking creepy. He also makes annoying sounds and asks the same fucking questions over and over even after you've given him a proper response. Example:

    "Hey dude, can I borrow ten dollars?"
    -"No."
    "Oh...So can I borrow ten dollars?"
    -"I'm not giving you ten dollars."

    And the way the conversation continues, he's not even trying to be an annoying little bastard, he just is one. When people have told him he's not invited to things, he'll just show up anyway, or wait outside like a lost puppy.

    My approach has been effective because he's stopped bothering me, but he still bothers my other friends. As for being "high school," I'm generally pretty open and forgiving, but this kid just gets under the skin with his creepiness and annoyance. He truly acts like a middle schooler. If anything, I could insinuate that you're just being too motherly and optimistic, believing that we should "take him under our wing." Seriously? Get your head out of the clouds, that's not how people operate. It's not my M.O. and I would need to sort out the problems in my life before I would work on anyone else's.
    Ti = 19 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Te = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
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    -----------------
    Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
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    Man got to tell himself he understand

  7. #57
    Tier 1 Member LunaLuminosity's Avatar
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    INTPs can dislike people?

    I'm not sure if I've really disliked anyone overall. There have been some times where a person's actions towards me would be very frustrating, but once the emotional reaction has fade away, I just remember that this person has this particular weakness, and I don't waste any of my energy toward disliking them.

  8. #58
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Yeah, basically going out of the way not to engage. Even if it means inconveniencing myself in other ways.

    If every time I go somewhere I'm beset upon by someone I can't abide, then I just don't go there anymore -- even if it's the only place I see several people whom I do enjoy, or if I generally make things difficult for myself by doing so. At least that's in my control, whereas I've no control over other people. Nor do I particularly want it.

    Though I've started to notice a certain perverse glee that, in retrospect, I've always taken from rejecting people. I'm not proud of it; neither am I ashamed, exactly. More puzzled. Lately I'm just trying to figure out what to make of it, as an impulse.

    I don't think it's a personal thing, so much; I've nothing against most people. It's more a sense of accomplishment, not unlike what one gets after organizing one's files or straightening the apartment. Perhaps weeding the garden is a more appropriate metaphor. Ha, yes; I got rid of another one! Turned back another invasion. Score goes up; on to the next level.

    It seems to come from a certain wacko over-protectiveness of my personal, mental, emotional space. I think it may be an unhealthy side effect of my father's invasiveness, which I spent so much energy trying to guard against.

  9. #59
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    ITA...I had a friend like that once too...I finally had enough and basically told her that she was such a halfwit that the lint she had an obsession with pic- king off of things would be jealous of her personality. She was in her twenties but her room looked like a preschoolers room. She would sing songs from those infomercials for CDs that have stuff like songs about bugs on them and would expect you to be by the phone the second she got off work so you could be ready if she called and would leave you hanging if she plan- ned something else (like stealing a guy she said she'd set you up with...gee I wonder why because she was too immature to hang onto her own for more than two months) and she thought she was hot stuff when she only wore a skirt like once a year if even that. If you made plans with anyone else she would invite herself and try to make up annoying rules to get rid of the other person but if she went to do stuff with someone else she'd make you go but talk to you like a child she'd never take again if you tried to speak or partic- ipate but if you didn't drop everything to be ignored you were 'being a brat' so I pretty much told her she had the brains of a crayon and never spoke to her again. Especially when she went after my BEST friend with her head games. I mean i have friends whos easily amused sense of humor I find funny and enjoy but this kind of stuff is where the line must be drawn...mainly because she made a new rule we had to spend the night at one of each others houses pretty much every night and it was literally like one of those movies where someone gets stuck with a creepy roommate and think every time i turn around...
    you have all the power you need if you dare to look
    for it.

  10. #60
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Threads like this really make me wonder. Who are you people? I really hope you're not in charge of anything important.

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