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  1. #11
    Senior Member ThinkingAboutIt's Avatar
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    How does it interfere with your social skills?

    And, why do you think you need to regulate it?
    Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

  2. #12
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    It interferes with my social skills because, the feeling I have for this girl is so strong that it clouds my social judgment and destroys most of the social poise I have. I'm too busy wondering what shes thinking or trying not be obvious when looking at her that I can't be my usual engaged and hilarious self.

    To be honest, I don't want to regulate the feelings I have because for the first time in a long time I feel alive. However, I know from personal experience that how badly you get hurt is directly proportional to how deeply you commit yourself emotionally. Thus, I'm afraid to continue down the path of, I'm in love with you, but you have a long distance bf that you're obviously committed to so I'm just going to remain an emotional wreck twisting in the wind.

    To give some background, I met this girl the first day of law school, and when I did, it was like I've never seen beauty before. The air was sucked out of the room and I knew it was game over. She has (since we met) given me signals that shes interested, body language and the way we talk to each other (its like we disappear into our own little world), which is the hardest thing to deal with for me. This is because if I knew there was nothing there I would have cut bait and moved on, but seeing the potential and being able to do nothing affirmative about it KILLS the ENTJ in me. I found out (several weeks later) that she has a boyfriend where shes from. The funny thing is, that I would usually cut bait and move on. But this time, I was so lovesick and delusional that I thought to myself "screw the obstacles, I will win her yet".

    Ultimately, this is either going to turn out to be the fairytale I hoped it was, or hurting me so bad I don't know if I'll be able to recover from how bitter I will become.

  3. #13
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    It interferes with my social skills because, the feeling I have for this girl is so strong that it clouds my social judgment and destroys most of the social poise I have. I'm too busy wondering what shes thinking or trying not be obvious when looking at her that I can't be my usual engaged and hilarious self.

    To be honest, I don't want to regulate the feelings I have because for the first time in a long time I feel alive. However, I know from personal experience that how badly you get hurt is directly proportional to how deeply you commit yourself emotionally. Thus, I'm afraid to continue down the path of, I'm in love with you, but you have a long distance bf that you're obviously committed to so I'm just going to remain an emotional wreck twisting in the wind.

    To give some background, I met this girl the first day of law school, and when I did, it was like I've never seen beauty before. The air was sucked out of the room and I knew it was game over. She has (since we met) given me signals that shes interested, body language and the way we talk to each other (its like we disappear into our own little world), which is the hardest thing to deal with for me. This is because if I knew there was nothing there I would have cut bait and moved on, but seeing the potential and being able to do nothing affirmative about it KILLS the ENTJ in me. I found out (several weeks later) that she has a boyfriend where shes from. The funny thing is, that I would usually cut bait and move on. But this time, I was so lovesick and delusional that I thought to myself "screw the obstacles, I will win her yet".

    Ultimately, this is either going to turn out to be the fairytale I hoped it was, or hurting me so bad I don't know if I'll be able to recover from how bitter I will become.
    im going to give you some advice. get over her. the fact that she has a bf, means that if you two keep hanging out/seeing eachother in school shes going to cement you into the friend zone more and more and more (due to her bf), no matter what body language you think you're seeing. (i speak from experience, sometimes what you think is "she likes me" body language, is actaully "shes trying to be nice, is friendly, trying to cut out akwardness, is being her flirtatious self, or even just her being nice as a friend")

    basically, the longer you know her without it moving to um *ahem*, the less chance u have. I suggest moving on. (though i admit its none of my business). ur almost better off seeing/talking/knowing her as little as possible until her bf thing ends, then you can go for the kill.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I guess so...

    It just sucks that the emotional school of hard knocks is pretty much the only way to learn for an ENTJ.
    You never know. Maybe there is another way around it. It's just what worked for me. perhaps using Ni to view things from others perspectives or emotions could give us a good enough understanding to regulate our responses some.

  5. #15
    Senior Member ThinkingAboutIt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    It interferes with my social skills because, the feeling I have for this girl is so strong that it clouds my social judgment and destroys most of the social poise I have. I'm too busy wondering what shes thinking or trying not be obvious when looking at her that I can't be my usual engaged and hilarious self.

    To be honest, I don't want to regulate the feelings I have because for the first time in a long time I feel alive. However, I know from personal experience that how badly you get hurt is directly proportional to how deeply you commit yourself emotionally. Thus, I'm afraid to continue down the path of, I'm in love with you, but you have a long distance bf that you're obviously committed to so I'm just going to remain an emotional wreck twisting in the wind.

    To give some background, I met this girl the first day of law school, and when I did, it was like I've never seen beauty before. The air was sucked out of the room and I knew it was game over. She has (since we met) given me signals that shes interested, body language and the way we talk to each other (its like we disappear into our own little world), which is the hardest thing to deal with for me. This is because if I knew there was nothing there I would have cut bait and moved on, but seeing the potential and being able to do nothing affirmative about it KILLS the ENTJ in me. I found out (several weeks later) that she has a boyfriend where shes from. The funny thing is, that I would usually cut bait and move on. But this time, I was so lovesick and delusional that I thought to myself "screw the obstacles, I will win her yet".

    Ultimately, this is either going to turn out to be the fairytale I hoped it was, or hurting me so bad I don't know if I'll be able to recover from how bitter I will become.
    RE: Your first and third paragraphs...obviously you are connecting well and she either doesn't care about the 'social' aspect or is perceptive enough to see it is there. Either way, it doesn't appear to be an issue, so put that out of your mind.

    That said, if someone I was interested in were dating someone else, I would say "take care" irregardless of how much I liked or loved them. To me, what you describe about time spent and interest shown - 'body language' etc. is no different than cheating, and I would never do that if I were committed to someone. I would find out for sure - directly from her - if she is seeing someone.

    I agree with the poster above - you definitely don't want to be on her 'friend' list because 1. you should exhibit that you are better than that, and aren't going there (that is pretty impressive by the way and speaks volumes about a man); and 2. for some, you'll never get off of it once that is decided.

    If you choose to go in for the kill (I love that lol), something to keep in mind is that some people (like INTPs) are completely oblivious to subtle interest - it needs to be blunt.

    Personally, I think people should just be themselves and not worry so much about 'adjusting' their nature out of fear. While a woman might be a bit taken back by a mach 10 pursuit, that doesn't mean they don't admire the courage, drive, and decisiveness of the man doing it!

    Anyway, I'll leave you with this since you were talking about being nervous:

    In an interview with Guy Yocom for Golf Digest, Watson said, "Everybody has choked. In the 1974 U.S. Open, I kept hitting the ball right to right. My nerves wouldn't allow me to adjust. That's what choking is - being so nervous you can't find a swing or a putting stroke you can trust."

    How did Watson overcome his tendency to choke? "Byron gave me the best cure for it," Watson recalled, referring to Byron Nelson, the legendary golf pro of the 1930s and '40s. "[Byron said], 'Walk slowly, talk slowly, deliberately do everything more slowly than you normally do. It has a way of settling you down."* That advice helped Tom Watson overcome his nervousness. He went on to win many tournaments, including five British Opens.
    Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

  6. #16
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    im going to give you some advice. get over her. the fact that she has a bf, means that if you two keep hanging out/seeing eachother in school shes going to cement you into the friend zone more and more and more (due to her bf), no matter what body language you think you're seeing. (i speak from experience, sometimes what you think is "she likes me" body language, is actaully "shes trying to be nice, is friendly, trying to cut out akwardness, is being her flirtatious self, or even just her being nice as a friend")

    basically, the longer you know her without it moving to um *ahem*, the less chance u have. I suggest moving on. (though i admit its none of my business). ur almost better off seeing/talking/knowing her as little as possible until her bf thing ends, then you can go for the kill.
    Agreed.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  7. #17
    HUZZAH! Bougal's Avatar
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    my ENTJ said he took 4 shots of vodka on each of our first three dates so he would relax a little and not scare me away with his overbearing personality.
    This explains my boyfriend's ENTJ mom's wine drinking. She's no alcoholic but always drinks a bunch of wine when she has a party...

  9. #19
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    im going to give you some advice. get over her. the fact that she has a bf, means that if you two keep hanging out/seeing eachother in school shes going to cement you into the friend zone more and more and more (due to her bf), no matter what body language you think you're seeing. (i speak from experience, sometimes what you think is "she likes me" body language, is actaully "shes trying to be nice, is friendly, trying to cut out akwardness, is being her flirtatious self, or even just her being nice as a friend")

    basically, the longer you know her without it moving to um *ahem*, the less chance u have. I suggest moving on. (though i admit its none of my business). ur almost better off seeing/talking/knowing her as little as possible until her bf thing ends, then you can go for the kill.
    Just for information, my actual girlfriend (we've been toghether for 3 years) was with a guy "from where she's from", before we got togheter, and the situation was very similar to the one described by the OP.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #20
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    Thanks for the responses guys!

    As far as worrying about friend zone, I'm not worried about it. I get the feeling that if her and her bf weren't together I would be able to take her out immediately.

    Its just a tough situation to be in. As an ENTJ, the not knowing is the worst.

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