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Thread: failing @life

  1. #1
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    Default failing @life

    I am ixtp and my friend's girlfriends hate me because I do not conform to social norms and because I don't suppress my own wishes to please the girls.

    It's worth mentioning that in this country if you don't kiss EVERY FUCKING ONE in the cheek EVERY FUCKING TIME he comes and leaves, and the person in question happens to be an F and/or an SJ, she will hate you. It is also expected that you make chitchat with everyone everytime etc.

    My girlfriend also hates me because I do not call her every 5 mins (like my friends do with their girls), and because I do not give attention to her when I'm with my friends.

    When in the company of my friends + their girlfriends, I am embarassed because I know that the women hate me for the aforementioned reasons, and I know that I don't give a damn about it but I also know that ignoring the problem won't do any good (and the girls -damn them- will probably talk bad of me with my friends in private)

    These issues have recently come to light because I started to introduce my girlfriend to my circle of friends. When I'm with HER friends, I am in "fake mode" and I seem to be widely accepted. This happened because I basically don't care a lot about interacting with my girlfriend's friends, so I can concentrate on faking social norms with them and being nice to the feelers.
    When I'm with my friends it's a whole another story, because we usually WOULD have something interesting to do or talk about and so I don't WANT to be interrupted and sidetracked by the women (who, in my eyes, sabotage my attempts at having decent male activities with my friends.)

    If all this seems silly and idiot, I apologize in advance.

  2. #2
    S Saiyan God Mace's Avatar
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    Yeah, that's quite a predicament.

    ... Some times it's the case that the girl that likes you wants to show you off every single time, or wants you to overly pay attention to her life/needs, especially when she's with the girlfriends. Can get a little edgy.

    The best suggestion I could give is, you're with her - so be cool, and honestly let her know how you feel about the relation. Hopefully, she'll understand you a little better.

    Hope that helps.

  3. #3
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Doesn't seem silly, and you are not failing at life. Maybe you just need to be with a person who is more complementary to you, rather than both of you punishing each other for being who you are naturally.

    (Also, I hate that kissing thing. I've lived in countries where that was the norm and I refused to do it and was subsequently hated. I didn't care then and I still don't.)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pardo View Post
    I am ixtp and my friend's girlfriends hate me because I do not conform to social norms and because I don't suppress my own wishes to please the girls.

    It's worth mentioning that in this country if you don't kiss EVERY FUCKING ONE in the cheek EVERY FUCKING TIME he comes and leaves, and the person in question happens to be an F and/or an SJ, she will hate you. It is also expected that you make chitchat with everyone everytime etc.

    My girlfriend also hates me because I do not call her every 5 mins (like my friends do with their girls), and because I do not give attention to her when I'm with my friends.

    When in the company of my friends + their girlfriends, I am embarassed because I know that the women hate me for the aforementioned reasons, and I know that I don't give a damn about it but I also know that ignoring the problem won't do any good (and the girls -damn them- will probably talk bad of me with my friends in private)

    These issues have recently come to light because I started to introduce my girlfriend to my circle of friends. When I'm with HER friends, I am in "fake mode" and I seem to be widely accepted. This happened because I basically don't care a lot about interacting with my girlfriend's friends, so I can concentrate on faking social norms with them and being nice to the feelers.
    When I'm with my friends it's a whole another story, because we usually WOULD have something interesting to do or talk about and so I don't WANT to be interrupted and sidetracked by the women (who, in my eyes, sabotage my attempts at having decent male activities with my friends.)

    If all this seems silly and idiot, I apologize in advance.
    That's a whole lot of angst and hate going on, especially towards the womenfolk. Is there anything you like about these women (besides the nookie)? I dunno, like, as odd as it may be for women to generally have interesting and thought-provoking conversations....maybe, just maybe, through a genetic mutation or something, one such rare woman exist? Who you don't have to hate?

    Or, you may want to ride out this wave of teenage angst....(I'd be embarrassed if it turned out you weren't a teenager, err...my apologies)

    Whichever....

  5. #5
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Where in the world is there is a custom where you have to kiss people? Probably the Italians, those lunatics.

    Anyways, sounds rough.



  6. #6
    S Saiyan God Mace's Avatar
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    The guy's just on a roll - put himself in that position, and now 'thinks' it's worth bailing. Enough talk about 'failing at life'...

  7. #7
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I feel you. Personally I dislike the 'mask' I need to put on at certain get togethers.

    It's fairly INTP'ish to dislike behaviour that is expected of them, but that doesn't seem rational. We tend to rebelliously do the exact opposite in fact if they're really pushing it too far.

    For example, when I'm at some birthday party of someone I haven't seen or heard for an entire year but was expected to come for whatever reason (friends/family/came to my birthday (Dude, I didn't ask you.)). I tend to just throw a few degrading hilarious one liners that floor those annoying lil' buggers that expect you to be all guesty and nice. And usually it's filled with clueless ESFJ's that begin to laugh their ass off because of it. Which is in turn entertaining for me, the INTP, realizing they really don't have an effing clue of why I say the things I say. :P


    As for the kissing. Here in the Netherlands it's three freaking kisses. Left, right, left. Now I have nothing against kissing nice and beautiful girls on their cheeks. But there's always a few that are just so enormously stuck in that custom that really sucks. There's a limit to how many times does not make things go awkward, every single day, the first time you see them and after that every time they go away again. And the next, and the next.

    As much as I enjoy kissing certain people, this is taking the piss. :P

  8. #8
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    It's fairly INTP'ish to dislike behaviour that is expected of them, but that doesn't seem rational. We tend to rebelliously do the exact opposite in fact if they're really pushing it too far.

    For example, when I'm at some birthday party of someone I haven't seen or heard for an entire year but was expected to come for whatever reason (friends/family/came to my birthday (Dude, I didn't ask you.)). I tend to just throw a few degrading hilarious one liners that floor those annoying lil' buggers that expect you to be all guesty and nice.
    That's not very rebellious nor consistent of you. If it is expected, as you say, for you to go to these parties, get-togethers, the truest way to rebel against the EXPECTATION (the exact opposite, as you say) would be to not show up. Unless they hog-tie and force you to be there. Otherwise, I don't understand why you would willingly go to something, only to be degrading.

  9. #9
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Well, I often do the exact opposite for many of the smaller things. But not going to someones birthday party because you believe you've no reasong to go but others around you say you do. Then not going will ultimatly only make the relations between you and the people close to you more annoying. So in those cases, you do go, but almost always try to be a little bit rebellious here and there, just to sting around a bit. Without making it obvious ofcourse. :P

    But then, you're not at that party/get together for yourself, but for those few friends. Out of respect or whatever you want to call it.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Well, I often do the exact opposite for many of the smaller things. But not going to someones birthday party because you believe you've no reasong to go but others around you say you do. Then not going will ultimatly only make the relations between you and the people close to you more annoying. So in those cases, you do go, but almost always try to be a little bit rebellious here and there, just to sting around a bit. Without making it obvious ofcourse. :P

    But then, you're not at that party/get together for yourself, but for those few friends. Out of respect or whatever you want to call it.
    So, out of respect to your few friends, you go, in order to not strain the relations, but, in your mind you're playing them by taking jabs at them (but they "supposedly" don't know they're being played). Charming.
    Will you be my friend?

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