Yesterday my good friend and co-worker came into my office, sat tensely down into my office chair across from me and said 'Ok, I'm going to be the bigger person. I forgive you. I'm over it.'
My eyebrows moved into their 'what the hell are you talking about' position and I started to laugh because I thought she was joking.
Turns out she had been mad at me for two days and I didn't know it.
You know, in that situation, I would have become angry, even if I didn't have reason to become angry before. I have no patience at all for that kind of sanctimony. Especially since most people really mean "fuck you" when they say "I forgive you." That's a heaping helping of sanctimony with a side dish of insincerity.
Aleph-One, you look like the kind of person who would spend his spare time building a giant robot to hold the government for ransom. -Some Guy on the Internet
To me, when people yell, it equates in my mind to them being angry. Them expressing emotions (aggressive, frustrated, etc).
But to my dad (ENTP) when people yell at him it equates to in his mind that they are criticizing him. More importantly, it equates to in his mind that they are not showing respect, they are looking down at him. And he's so immature he just cannot have that happen, so he gets really angry when people yell at him.
Why are people like that?
I guess I can understand their perspective but I seriously don't understand why it is that way for them.
I don't think that your dadís perspective is all that far off from your own actually and I do relate to him. When people are yelling they are expressing emotion, but they are often doing it in a very non-productive and selfish manner. Aside from the person yelling, I would like to know who benefits in such an interaction/form of communication. Yelling tends to either makes someone cower (your father) or get fired up (you?), regardless hairs tend to stand on end. Both of these reactions are typically not conducive to people resolving their shared issues/problems and instead make each person jump back over their own side of the fence in order to get in defense position (mud slinging, snow balls, dog turds- people will fight to the death for their own side when cornered like this). Yelling can easily be perceived (especially by a Ti I would think), as something that is meant to degrade or belittle because it is someone who is not interested in your opinions (otherwise they wouldn't have backed you into this corner!); it is someone saying that they are not willing to demonstrate the patience to speak in a non-threatening manner, which truly is what yelling is. That is the function of yelling; you want people to know that you are PISSED. And especially when the yelling comes from someone that is personally close, this form of communication to someone who does have a Ti function makes them see it as ďWhy me?! What did I (bold, italicized, etc) do?Ē even though their role in the matter may not be the most significant component; nonetheless, it is how they have rationalized the interaction. When someone is able to experience emotion but control the threatening tone that could accompany it, it demonstrates respect for the other personís feelings; it shows patience & consideration.
Also, I don't think itís immature to expect others to treat you with respect, especially not as an adult involved in adult relationships. Your father seems to want a little empathy (whether his feelings are fair, just, etc or not is something that you two could calmly, quietly discuss)
Last edited by everlastingbutter; 04-24-2009 at 06:00 AM.