[INTP] Signs an INTP *Likes* You

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Maybe more simply it's a passive aggressive thing.

"Why are you making me feel this way, you jerk? What am I supposed to do about it? Well, here. NEENER NEENER."

I guess that cycles back to the domination thing, but it's not so much domination as just trying to carve out the distance I feel I need to figure things out for myself. To bring things level again.

 

[ConchShell]

I have to suspect you'll spend a majority of it growing old and grey with or without the challenge.

But I'm an ENFP. We don't do growing old and grey. (Not gracefully, anyway). *Skips off into the sunset exuding sparkliness and youthfulness*

 

[Salomé]

Dominate? I'm not so sure about that. Perhaps exert some control over my half of things. That's sensible enough. I'm certainly not interested in imposing anything on her, though. And it is meant to be affectionate.

Mostly it amuses me. Self-possession through humor.

Humour is also a veiled attempt at domination. It's like how guys say if you can get a woman to laugh, you can get her into bed. It's also part of the reason why men don't like funny women. I've been analysing everything back to fundamentals lately. It's kinda depressing.

Take it back! Women!

*wrestles the post away from her*

Shut up, bear!

Maybe more simply it's a passive aggressive thing.

Passive aggressive is just a flavour of aggressive for people without the balls to be overtly aggressive.

I think the real problem is that I'm insecure about what I'm feeling, which leads me to a certain ironic detachment. I mildly jab at the object of my insecurity, using the tools more comfortable to me -- the thinking and the intuition -- to probe out the nature of the threat. See what response I get. Mine for information, so I can figure out what to make of the situation.

There may be some other aspect as well. A certain element of showing off. Here, I'm interested enough to think about you. Here's an origami swan made out of your flaws. I notice them, and that's fine. They don't bother me; they entertain me. You're human, and that's cool.

There are many ways of dealing with insecurity. You could withdraw, you could pacify or placate. You choose to insult. I.e. seek to dominate the situation with (pseudo-feigned) aggression.

I don't know. There's a bunch going on here, it looks like.

 

[wildcat]

INTPs can be downright elusive creatures... What are the signs that an INTP likes you as *more than a friend*? So far, mine:
1) Throws "stones" at me - teases and banters mercilessly.
2) We seem to go into our own little world of conversation when together - to the exclusion of others who sit there and go what the h*ll are they talking about??!
3) Grins and makes fleeting eye contact before bashfully looking away...
4) Has majorly intense moments with me and then withdraws according to how extreme the intensity was - lol - I am beginning to think it's directly proportional.
5) Is EXTREMELY articulate, until she tries to talk about her feelings for me and then turns into a bumbling, muttering mess - usually followed by fleeing the scene.

So, thoughts?!

No.
There is nothing left to be required.
You know what.

Catch.

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Okay, I think I may see where you're going with this.

Overall, the reflex -- we'll call it "white insults" -- seems more defensive than offensive; it's not out of a direct intent to impose on the other party.

That said, pacification and placation are kind of what I fall back on when I'm feeling very overwhelmed, and I like to avoid that if possible, as it means I lose some feeling of control over myself -- a control that is really hard-won for me.

Jabbing out like this is an attempt to respond to the threat, while retaining some self-possession. Though again the intent of the communication isn't to impose, the content of the message is one of possession over her -- "look, I can do this to you if I want to".

I think the overall message may translate to a playful "See; you screw with me, I can screw with you. If I want to. So watch out, unless you want more of this. And if you do... er. Well, then we'll figure that out later."

 

[Riva]

if it is in a friendship point of view i think they start talking to you. not just talk but they actually open up and share their brilliant knowledge of almost everything they know of. and it seems to never end.

ps - i noticed this in my 2 best INTP buddies.

 

[A Schnitzel]

Humour is also a veiled attempt at domination. It's like how guys say if you can get a woman to laugh, you can get her into bed. It's also part of the reason why men don't like funny women. I've been analysing everything back to fundamentals lately. It's kinda depressing.

Funny women don't laugh?
I've found quite the opposite.

 

[Salomé]

Err....someone deleted my last post in this thread...

That said, pacification and placation are kind of what I fall back on when I'm feeling very overwhelmed, and I like to avoid that if possible, as it means I lose some feeling of control over myself -- a control that is really hard-won for me.

Jabbing out like this is an attempt to respond to the threat, while retaining some self-possession. Though again the intent of the communication isn't to impose, the content of the message is one of possession over her -- "look, I can do this to you if I want to".

I think the overall message may translate to a playful "See; you screw with me, I can screw with you. If I want to. So watch out, unless you want more of this. And if you do... er. Well, then we'll figure that out later."

Were you trying to prove my point for me?

Funny women don't laugh?
I've found quite the opposite.

Of course they do. You missed the point.

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Were you trying to prove my point for me?

I was conceding there was something to it, though there was a bit more nuance than you were suggesting. The distinction is between the intent and the content. Ultimately this isn't about control over the other; it's about control over the self. Though the method is indeed aggressive.

I must wonder why you're fixated on the idea, but you're not completely barking up the wrong tree.

 

[ThinkingAboutIt]

if it is in a friendship point of view i think they start talking to you. not just talk but they actually open up and share their brilliant knowledge of almost everything they know of. and it seems to never end.

I think this is true. I met another INTP tonight at the park!! I sat down for a moment to watch the birds in the lake and he happened to be there. 78 yrs old, mind zipping along and razor sharp - conversation about Christ, religion, history, classical music and composers, astronomy, archeology, evolution, sociology - everything you can think of! More than two hours went by before we realized how long we were sitting there. He looked at me and said, you know, there are few people that can move in and out of conversation about so many subjects - this is very unusual. Too cute! I really enjoyed talking to him and hope to see him again on my next walk around the lake!

Now, if only I can get a conversation started with someone I am personally interested in, that would be great!! *sigh*

 

[Risen]

Humour is also a veiled attempt at domination. It's like how guys say if you can get a woman to laugh, you can get her into bed. It's also part of the reason why men don't like funny women. I've been analysing everything back to fundamentals lately. It's kinda depressing.

If this were actually true I'd be rubbing it raw all across town...

 

[Lady_X]

I think the real problem is that I'm insecure about what I'm feeling, which leads me to a certain ironic detachment. I mildly jab at the object of my insecurity, using the tools more comfortable to me -- the thinking and the intuition -- to probe out the nature of the threat. See what response I get. Mine for information, so I can figure out what to make of the situation.

There may be some other aspect as well. A certain element of showing off. Here, I'm interested enough to think about you. Here's an origami swan made out of your flaws. I notice them, and that's fine. They don't bother me; they entertain me. You're human, and that's cool.

I don't know. There's a bunch going on here, it looks like.

omg that is ridiculously hysterical!

 

[Salomé]

I was conceding there was something to it, though there was a bit more nuance than you were suggesting. The distinction is between the intent and the content. Ultimately this isn't about control over the other; it's about control over the self. Though the method is indeed aggressive.

I must wonder why you're fixated on the idea, but you're not completely barking up the wrong tree.

I wouldn't say it was fixation, more fascination. I like making sense of seemingly senseless behaviour. You're resisting because you don't like the implications. But all interactions between social animals involve negotiation/reinforcement of power/status.

 

[Salomé]

If this were actually true I'd be rubbing it raw all across town...

I'll have to take your word for it that you make people laugh ( intentionally). But I would have thought your lofty principles forbade behaviour so crude.

You are one conflicted dude.

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Thing is, so far as I can tell I'm approaching this pretty dispassionately, yet you keep hammering this point with a certainty that, to me, raises more questions about your motivations than mine. You start off with a flat declaration, then you highlight any half a sentence I write that supports it, while ignoring the surrounding context. It's a bit puzzling.

Your implication, if I understand you correctly, is that on some level I'm intent on invading her territory, and imposing my will on her. I'm willing to entertain this notion, but so far I'm not seeing it and you're not doing much but declaring back at me.

What I'm seeing, on my end, is just an attempt to declare independence; to say "I'm not afraid of you," and chase the barbarians back across the border. Then once things are at an even keel, proper diplomacy can begin across that border.

If there's something more ominous going on, I'd like to hear your explanation. What precisely do you think is the end goal here, and through what process?

 

[Salomé]

^ Why, a home run, of course!

I always come off way more certain than I am. But you started out saying you had no idea about why you behave as you do around women you like. And I had an idea, which I shared. I don't see any of this as ominous. You're colouring it with an intent that simply isn't there. Of course I'm gonna seize on anything that supports my argument.
Kick the idea around, not the poster.
No time to expand, might post more later.

 

[sculpting]

Overall, the reflex -- we'll call it "white insults" -- seems more defensive than offensive; it's not out of a direct intent to impose on the other party.

That said, pacification and placation are kind of what I fall back on when I'm feeling very overwhelmed, and I like to avoid that if possible, as it means I lose some feeling of control over myself -- a control that is really hard-won for me.

Jabbing out like this is an attempt to respond to the threat, while retaining some self-possession. Though again the intent of the communication isn't to impose, the content of the message is one of possession over her -- "look, I can do this to you if I want to".

I think the overall message may translate to a playful "See; you screw with me, I can screw with you. If I want to. So watch out, unless you want more of this. And if you do... er. Well, then we'll figure that out later."

What is the expected response to these sorts of jabs? For instance I told an INTP I missed my flight and via email he made funny jabs at me about not being able to read and then asked if I had brain damage. At first I was taken aback for a few seconds but then swooped in with crazy Ne-Fi and told him that illiteracy combined with brain damage was what made my career in marketing so successful, then made fun of myself a bit longer.

Does the INTP expect a joke, a witty reply in turn or will self depreciation (in a good way of course) be okay? Not sure what the expectation is here.

 

[Rajah]

In my experience, they've done crazy, off-the-wall, INTP-specific things like say "I like you."

 

[Rajah]

What is the expected response to these sorts of jabs? For instance I told an INTP I missed my flight and via email he made funny jabs at me about not being able to read and then asked if I had brain damage. At first I was taken aback for a few seconds but then swooped in with crazy Ne-Fi and told him that illiteracy combined with brain damage was what made my career in marketing so successful, then made fun of myself a bit longer.

Does the INTP expect a joke, a witty reply in turn or will self depreciation (in a good way of course) be okay? Not sure what the expectation is here.

I'd go the old-fashioned route: blame it on him.

 

[sculpting]

I'd go the old-fashioned route: blame it on him.

Well it was his fault. He kept me rather preoccupied and distracted...