[INTP] Signs an INTP *Likes* You

[Kasper]

I do this stuff too. Must be NTP.

Me too

 

[seeker22]

Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...

 

[Lasting_Pain]

Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...

INTPs are known for their enlarged personal space. Do not be shocked if she doesn't call you.

 

[seeker22]

To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!

 

[violaine]

Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...

This tends to grow into a relationship for INTPs though from what I've seen. Actually, this can be just how the relationship is!

They can get attached without realizing it. It just takes a long time with some of them. I think a good rule of thumb, given you like the person enough to be ok with not knowing where it's going and you don't need a lot of reinforcement in the beginning, (and by the beginning I mean a year or so, lol) is that if they are with you, they like you. And it grows. Especially if you just stay constant and attentive and don't smother them. It will likely all be according to their schedule though!

 

[Lasting_Pain]

To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!

You should be happy if you are a male, but if you are a female

 

[seeker22]

So true sanveane... It doesn't help that I'm used to having people pursue me and let me know in no uncertain terms they want to be with me... With the INTP, she calls all the shots... And keeps the terms VAGUE. Everything is on her terms... And to ask for reassurance annoys her - it feels "needy" to her... Even something as simple as "do you like me as more than a friend" gets her tongue tied and uncomfortable... She has managed to let me know she has feelings for me - only on a couple occasions... And very guardedly... And awkwardly... As if I had just sat her down in an electric chair or something! LOL!

 

[violaine]

So true sanveane... It doesn't help that I'm used to having people pursue me and let me know in no uncertain terms they want to be with me... With the INTP, she calls all the shots... And keeps the terms VAGUE. Everything is on her terms... And to ask for reassurance annoys her - it feels "needy" to her... Even something as simple as "do you like me as more than a friend" gets her tongue tied and uncomfortable... She has managed to let me know she has feelings for me - only on a couple occasions... And very guardedly... And awkwardly... As if I had just sat her down in an electric chair or something! LOL!

I think you sound like you are doing just fine! They don't tend to lie about those things and if she knows how you feel but hasn't headed for the hills, then it's going well imo. They seem to know how bad they are at expressing things too, so there is the 'not feeling competent' in that area that they have to deal with.

I mean it's definitely poor form not to call the next day. But it could mean so many things! e.g. she might be completely uncomfortable with tender feelings or just completely unable to express. I won't detail but the things that were said/not said to me almost shattered my little NF heart, lol.

I know... they give you that 'I want to be alone' vibe! But after a certain time INTP seem to appreciate when you bring things up about the relationship. They never seem like they will ever bring 'the relationship' up. And gently. And not all the time. And accept that they might not have the language to express. :/

I feel uncomfortable giving advice, and you may not even be asking... I do know that if you have never dated one before you pretty much have to throw previous experience away, it means almost nothing! lol.

 

[Lasting_Pain]

I think you sound like you are doing just fine! They don't tend to lie about those things and if she knows how you feel but hasn't headed for the hills, then it's going well imo. They seem to know how bad they are at expressing things too, so there is the 'not feeling competent' in that area that they have to deal with.

I mean it's definitely poor form not to call the next day. But it could mean so many things! e.g. she might be completely uncomfortable with tender feelings or just completely unable to express. I won't detail but the things that were said/not said to me almost shattered my little NF heart, lol.

I know... they give you that 'I want to be alone' vibe! But after a certain time INTP seem to appreciate when you bring things up about the relationship. They never seem to. And gently. And not all the time. And accept that they might not have the language to express. :/

I feel uncomfortable giving advice, and you may not even be asking... I do know that if you have never dated one before you pretty much have to throw previous experience away, it means almost nothing! lol.

Yeah I agree with you there. Thumbs up from the Painster.

 

[Salomé]

She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there..

If it was just a FWB situation, would she be so guarded? I would suggest she's guarded because she's invested. Perhaps more invested than she'd like to be. If FWB was all she was prepared to offer, she's likely to tell you that, IME. And, be a lot more comfortable around you.

... She has managed to let me know she has feelings for me - only on a couple occasions... And very guardedly... And awkwardly... Even something as simple as "do you like me as more than a friend" gets her tongue tied and uncomfortable. As if I had just sat her down in an electric chair or somethinng!

Only a couple? How many is enough?
If you are looking for constant verbal affirmations of her regard, you're probably with the wrong person. If we say it once, we assume it applies until we tell you otherwise. We don't like to be redundant! Sometimes words seem so feeble. We're more likely to demonstrate it in other ways.

This is how I (simpleton that I am) look at it. If you're my friend, it's given that I like you (a lot). I don't have many friends, the ones I do mean a lot to me. I don't sleep with all of my friends, so if I'm sleeping with you it means I like you as more than a friend. Voila! The answer to your question is self-evident. But as usual, the question you have posed is not the question you are actually asking. (*&$^*$^&£ ENFPS!!!)

You're not happy with the situation. What are you looking for that you aren't getting? Are you prepared to live without it?

Remember, you are likely dealing with someone with the emotional vocabulary of a 5 yr old. We are sensitive about it. If we've told you something but you still don't seem convinced it makes us anxious. What you are effectively saying with all this doubt is: a) she was lying the first time she told you or b) she really sucks at this stuff. Which she likely knows anyway. Neither are confidence building! No wonder she is guarded and awkward!

It's confusing too because here is someone that she feels a bond with (evidenced by primarily the intellectual connection, secondarily the physical one) who seems to really "get" her, who perhaps understands things about her that she only dimly apprehends herself, yet who refuses to accept her way of being. Who wants something she doesn't feel able to provide. It's a headfuck. That's part of the reason why she needs to get away from you. The other is just that we do need a lot of alone time to recharge. This won't change no matter how into you she is. It's biological.

To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!

To an INTP, this is like having a great 3 course meal and then complaining that you didn't get a mint with your bill!

If she knows you expect it, she might do it, but she'll resent it as one of those meaningless rituals that other people do. We don't like 'phones as a rule.

You should be happy if you are a male, but if you are a female

Substitute T and F and you are closer.

It doesn't help that I'm used to having people pursue me and let me know in no uncertain terms they want to be with me...

And yet you're not with those people ... curious that...

With the INTP, she calls all the shots... And keeps the terms VAGUE. Everything is on her terms... And to ask for reassurance annoys her - it feels "needy" to her...

If she is getting everything she wants from the relationship (intellectual stimulation and great sex) then she's not going to be in any hurry to move into territory that is less comfortable to her. You either have to wait for her emotions to catch up, or define your terms and accept nothing less. If you do the latter, be explicit FFS! Don't assume she knows what you need and is withholding. Never assume anything with an INTP.

 

[Lasting_Pain]

Never assume anything with an INTP.

No, Assume the unexpected.

 

[norepinephrine]

Never assume anything with an INTP.

No, Assume the unexpected.

Hell, now even I would be confused.

Assuming I cared to begin with.

 

[Hexis]

INTPs can be downright elusive creatures... What are the signs that an INTP likes you as *more than a friend*? So far, mine:
1) Throws "stones" at me - teases and banters mercilessly.
2) We seem to go into our own little world of conversation when together - to the exclusion of others who sit there and go what the h*ll are they talking about??!
3) Grins and makes fleeting eye contact before bashfully looking away...
4) Has majorly intense moments with me and then withdraws according to how extreme the intensity was - lol - I am beginning to think it's directly proportional.
5) Is EXTREMELY articulate, until she tries to talk about her feelings for me and then turns into a bumbling, muttering mess - usually followed by fleeing the scene.

So, thoughts?!

Me and an INTP girl are currently "seeing" each other, and this is EXACTLY how we interract.

 

[Lasting_Pain]

Hell, now even I would be confused.

Assuming I cared to begin with.

Exactly, since INTPs usually do not care, a person must assume the unexpected because INTPs have almost no boundaries or limits when it comes to their thoughts and or actions.

 

[Hexis]

Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...

To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!

Ok I should have read beyond the OP, sorry lol.

But once again just wanted to point out that the above couldnt be truer...its actually shocking.

And ive just grown use to the lack of contact when apart. The few sparse signs I get from her when we are together that tells me shes fallen as hard for me as I have for her are all I need to keep going.

 

[OrangeAppled]

My experience:
-They call you or contact you when they don't do that with many people (especially of the opposite sex anyway).
-They are always happy to hear from you. You're never "interrupting" their time. It almost feels like they are waiting for you to call at any time of day.
-They will spend a lot of time talking to you, when generally they don't seem to like to talk or socialize much.
-They compliment you when normally all they do is criticize others (but they will still criticize you ).
-They give you leeway where they otherwise might bag on someone as being "stupid" or "hypocritical" or "shallow" or "illogical".
-They open up to you about something very personal/private, and become more emotional around you.

Okay, I know those are signs for a lot of types, but in an INTP they can seem more profound.

 

[Priori]

My experience:
-They call you or contact you when they don't do that with many people (especially of the opposite sex anyway).
-They are always happy to hear from you. You're never "interrupting" their time. It almost feels like they are waiting for you to call at any time of day.
-They will spend a lot of time talking to you, when generally they don't seem to like to talk or socialize much.
-They compliment you when normally all they do is criticize others (but they will still criticize you ).
-They give you leeway where they otherwise might bag on someone as being "stupid" or "hypocritical" or "shallow" or "illogical".
-They open up to you about something very personal/private, and become more emotional around you.

Okay, I know those are signs for a lot of types, but in an INTP they can seem more profound.

Spot on.

 

[Aleph-One]

Here's how I test the INTP waters: tease her (in a good-natured way). If she shoots something witty back, the results are inconclusive (INTPs always do this). If she giggles and blushes, she likes you.

 

[Salomé]

Here's how I test the INTP waters: tease her (in a good-natured way). If she shoots something witty back, the results are inconclusive (INTPs always do this). If she giggles and blushes, she likes you.

Yeah. If she's twelve.

 

[Orangey]

Yeah. If she's twelve.