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  1. #21
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmandahalf View Post
    I do this stuff too. Must be NTP.
    Me too

  2. #22
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...

  3. #23
    Lasting_Pain
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...
    INTPs are known for their enlarged personal space. Do not be shocked if she doesn't call you.

  4. #24
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!

  5. #25
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Everyone is spot on! And yes, BlueMonday... She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there...
    This tends to grow into a relationship for INTPs though from what I've seen. Actually, this can be just how the relationship is!

    They can get attached without realizing it. It just takes a long time with some of them. I think a good rule of thumb, given you like the person enough to be ok with not knowing where it's going and you don't need a lot of reinforcement in the beginning, (and by the beginning I mean a year or so, lol) is that if they are with you, they like you. And it grows. Especially if you just stay constant and attentive and don't smother them. It will likely all be according to their schedule though!

  6. #26
    Lasting_Pain
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!
    You should be happy if you are a male, but if you are a female

  7. #27
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    So true sanveane... It doesn't help that I'm used to having people pursue me and let me know in no uncertain terms they want to be with me... With the INTP, she calls all the shots... And keeps the terms VAGUE. Everything is on her terms... And to ask for reassurance annoys her - it feels "needy" to her... Even something as simple as "do you like me as more than a friend" gets her tongue tied and uncomfortable... She has managed to let me know she has feelings for me - only on a couple occasions... And very guardedly... And awkwardly... As if I had just sat her down in an electric chair or something! LOL!

  8. #28
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    So true sanveane... It doesn't help that I'm used to having people pursue me and let me know in no uncertain terms they want to be with me... With the INTP, she calls all the shots... And keeps the terms VAGUE. Everything is on her terms... And to ask for reassurance annoys her - it feels "needy" to her... Even something as simple as "do you like me as more than a friend" gets her tongue tied and uncomfortable... She has managed to let me know she has feelings for me - only on a couple occasions... And very guardedly... And awkwardly... As if I had just sat her down in an electric chair or something! LOL!
    I think you sound like you are doing just fine! They don't tend to lie about those things and if she knows how you feel but hasn't headed for the hills, then it's going well imo. They seem to know how bad they are at expressing things too, so there is the 'not feeling competent' in that area that they have to deal with.

    I mean it's definitely poor form not to call the next day. But it could mean so many things! e.g. she might be completely uncomfortable with tender feelings or just completely unable to express. I won't detail but the things that were said/not said to me almost shattered my little NF heart, lol.

    I know... they give you that 'I want to be alone' vibe! But after a certain time INTP seem to appreciate when you bring things up about the relationship. They never seem like they will ever bring 'the relationship' up. And gently. And not all the time. And accept that they might not have the language to express. :/

    I feel uncomfortable giving advice, and you may not even be asking... I do know that if you have never dated one before you pretty much have to throw previous experience away, it means almost nothing! lol.

  9. #29
    Lasting_Pain
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    I think you sound like you are doing just fine! They don't tend to lie about those things and if she knows how you feel but hasn't headed for the hills, then it's going well imo. They seem to know how bad they are at expressing things too, so there is the 'not feeling competent' in that area that they have to deal with.

    I mean it's definitely poor form not to call the next day. But it could mean so many things! e.g. she might be completely uncomfortable with tender feelings or just completely unable to express. I won't detail but the things that were said/not said to me almost shattered my little NF heart, lol.

    I know... they give you that 'I want to be alone' vibe! But after a certain time INTP seem to appreciate when you bring things up about the relationship. They never seem to. And gently. And not all the time. And accept that they might not have the language to express. :/

    I feel uncomfortable giving advice, and you may not even be asking... I do know that if you have never dated one before you pretty much have to throw previous experience away, it means almost nothing! lol.
    Yeah I agree with you there. Thumbs up from the Painster.

  10. #30
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    She sleeps with me a couple times a week... However, I still wonder if it's just lust and mental stimulation vs. she actually *likes me.* Could be just a FWB situation... Hard to tell. When she's with me, she is completely PRESENT, but when we're apart she will fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days at a time, save for a few sparse texts here and there..
    If it was just a FWB situation, would she be so guarded? I would suggest she's guarded because she's invested. Perhaps more invested than she'd like to be. If FWB was all she was prepared to offer, she's likely to tell you that, IME. And, be a lot more comfortable around you.

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    ... She has managed to let me know she has feelings for me - only on a couple occasions... And very guardedly... And awkwardly... Even something as simple as "do you like me as more than a friend" gets her tongue tied and uncomfortable. As if I had just sat her down in an electric chair or somethinng!
    Only a couple? How many is enough?
    If you are looking for constant verbal affirmations of her regard, you're probably with the wrong person. If we say it once, we assume it applies until we tell you otherwise. We don't like to be redundant! Sometimes words seem so feeble. We're more likely to demonstrate it in other ways.

    This is how I (simpleton that I am) look at it. If you're my friend, it's given that I like you (a lot). I don't have many friends, the ones I do mean a lot to me. I don't sleep with all of my friends, so if I'm sleeping with you it means I like you as more than a friend. Voila! The answer to your question is self-evident. But as usual, the question you have posed is not the question you are actually asking. (*&$^*$^& ENFPS!!!)

    You're not happy with the situation. What are you looking for that you aren't getting? Are you prepared to live without it?

    Remember, you are likely dealing with someone with the emotional vocabulary of a 5 yr old. We are sensitive about it. If we've told you something but you still don't seem convinced it makes us anxious. What you are effectively saying with all this doubt is: a) she was lying the first time she told you or b) she really sucks at this stuff. Which she likely knows anyway. Neither are confidence building! No wonder she is guarded and awkward!

    It's confusing too because here is someone that she feels a bond with (evidenced by primarily the intellectual connection, secondarily the physical one) who seems to really "get" her, who perhaps understands things about her that she only dimly apprehends herself, yet who refuses to accept her way of being. Who wants something she doesn't feel able to provide. It's a headfuck. That's part of the reason why she needs to get away from you. The other is just that we do need a lot of alone time to recharge. This won't change no matter how into you she is. It's biological.

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    To an ENFP, sex followed by no call = this person does not actually like me, and is using me for my body!! LOL!
    To an INTP, this is like having a great 3 course meal and then complaining that you didn't get a mint with your bill!

    If she knows you expect it, she might do it, but she'll resent it as one of those meaningless rituals that other people do. We don't like 'phones as a rule.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lasting_Pain View Post
    You should be happy if you are a male, but if you are a female
    Substitute T and F and you are closer.

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    It doesn't help that I'm used to having people pursue me and let me know in no uncertain terms they want to be with me...
    And yet you're not with those people ... curious that...
    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    With the INTP, she calls all the shots... And keeps the terms VAGUE. Everything is on her terms... And to ask for reassurance annoys her - it feels "needy" to her...
    If she is getting everything she wants from the relationship (intellectual stimulation and great sex) then she's not going to be in any hurry to move into territory that is less comfortable to her. You either have to wait for her emotions to catch up, or define your terms and accept nothing less. If you do the latter, be explicit FFS! Don't assume she knows what you need and is withholding. Never assume anything with an INTP.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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