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  1. #101
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    What is the expected response to these sorts of jabs? For instance I told an INTP I missed my flight and via email he made funny jabs at me about not being able to read and then asked if I had brain damage. At first I was taken aback for a few seconds but then swooped in with crazy Ne-Fi and told him that illiteracy combined with brain damage was what made my career in marketing so successful, then made fun of myself a bit longer.

    Does the INTP expect a joke, a witty reply in turn or will self depreciation (in a good way of course) be okay? Not sure what the expectation is here.
    Sounds like an insensitive moron. Couldn't possibly be INTP.

    He may well appreciate your self-deprec(i)ation as a means to bolster his own fragile self-esteem. But he will only value you as highly as you value yourself. (That's not unique to INTPs, by any means.) And in my experience, if as an ENFP, you are hurt by his crass insensitivity ("taken aback") but play along anyway, maintaining harmony at the cost of your own dignity, you will end up resenting it later on some level and it will poison the relationship. Meanwhile, he will continue to be clueless about the effect he is having until one day you suddenly blow up "irrationally".
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #102
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    What is the expected response to these sorts of jabs? For instance I told an INTP I missed my flight and via email he made funny jabs at me about not being able to read and then asked if I had brain damage. At first I was taken aback for a few seconds but then swooped in with crazy Ne-Fi and told him that illiteracy combined with brain damage was what made my career in marketing so successful, then made fun of myself a bit longer.

    Does the INTP expect a joke, a witty reply in turn or will self depreciation (in a good way of course) be okay? Not sure what the expectation is here.
    I think I expect you to jab back? I appreciate making fun of my own fallibility as much as yours. Maybe it goes back to what BlueMonday said about enforcing dominance, but I think it is more that what I think is funny is being projected on to you. That is a terrible habit that I have. I project on to others certain aspects of my personality, and it ends up being disastrously counterproductive.



  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkingAboutIt View Post
    Now, if only I can get a conversation started with someone I am personally interested in, that would be great!! *sigh*
    i think that is something that we have to learn. once you get the hang of it you'll be pretty fine.

  4. #104
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Took so long typing this, I'll read the rest of the replies later! This is the first post I saw.

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    What is the expected response to these sorts of jabs?
    I'm not sure, exactly. That was rather blunt of him, and not especially clever. But some sign that you're neither a threat nor threatened in turn. Ideally something clever and dry. Show him you're your own person, and aren't going to be swayed one way or the other by what he says. Emotionally, that is.

    Trying to think of an example.

    My last partner, early on, had this way of repeating things -- if I addressed her in a way that particularly caught her attention, she would stop; you could see her processing the drollery of it. Then this grin would creep across her face and she'd slowly rephrase what I'd just said, as a question. It was so totally disarming. I had pretty much no recourse but to laugh.

    That was particular to her, and it's difficult to explain just what was so hilarious about it. But I was surprised and delighted, every time.

    I'd say just scale it to whatever he's doing. If he's merely being cute, you've a range of options. If he's being obnoxious, then depending on your tolerance or how swiftly you're operating, you can agree with him in such a way as to undercut what he just said. Or make your own detached observation about him. Or in a pinch, you can flatly call him a jerk and then move on.

    Basically: either you turn it into your own joke, or you alert him, not necessarily in so many words, that you accept him for who he is, but fuck off. If you provide a dry one-line explanation for the fuck-off, or immediately change the subject, to show him how impersonal it is, he'll probably even find that hilarious. Yet he'll get the message.

    "Fuck off. I haven't had breakfast since yesterday."
    "Fuck off. I'm too naked to think."
    "Fuck off. Have I told you that today? I don't think so. Fuck off. Also, make me an omelette. No, I mean it. Now. I don't know, just do it."

    The more layers to the joke, the better. The more direct and uninflected the spank, and the more quickly you move on, the better.

    The things he probably needs to know:

    1) That he can't easily wound you
    2) That you won't lash back at him, and wound him
    3) That you won't just be a door mat
    4) that you're nearly as awesome as he is

  5. #105
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post

    I'm not sure, exactly. That was rather blunt of him, and not especially clever. But some sign that you're neither a threat nor threatened in turn. Ideally something clever and dry. Show him you're your own person, and aren't going to be swayed one way or the other by what he says. Emotionally, that is.

    1) That he can't easily wound you
    2) That you won't lash back at him, and wound him
    3) That you won't just be a door mat
    4) that you're nearly as awesome as he is
    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Sounds like an insensitive moron. Couldn't possibly be INTP.

    He may well appreciate your self-deprec(i)ation as a means to bolster his own fragile self-esteem. But he will only value you as highly as you value yourself. (That's not unique to INTPs, by any means.) And in my experience, if as an ENFP, you are hurt by his crass insensitivity ("taken aback") but play along anyway, maintaining harmony at the cost of your own dignity, you will end up resenting it later on some level and it will poison the relationship. Meanwhile, he will continue to be clueless about the effect he is having until one day you suddenly blow up "irrationally".
    Holy crap I figured out multi quote... It's like a religious awakening...

    Anyways I did misquote him-he actually said " Sucks to miss a flight because you can't read. I have done this a few times myself. Do you have brain damage? " which doesnt make him quite so blunt.

    I have a built in INTP/INTJ filter that rereads most of what you guys say almost immediately and reinterprets it accordingly, so no worries about long term resentment. I have spent way too much time around INTPs as collegues to miss the seemingly universally applied undercurrent of sarcastic humor. I actually burst out laughing in a meeting after I read it on my crackberry. I was glad to see the "jabbing" described here as somewhat representative.

    However I dont know if I am comfortable changing my natural response patterns. I will never exhibit the logic he has so why try and pretend that I have that feature? I am not dry and witty, I am spastic and spontaneous. I am actually enjoying as of late being more true to what I am rather than what I have pushed myself to be in the past (more Te).

    By not staying true, then I am hiding part of what I am, if that makes any sense.... A little bit of this-not so much pda, not so much chatter, a settling of the silly spacticity-was already in play, given I knew he was an INTP.

    No worries as this was a fun short term fling which will not turn into a LTR given all the differentials, however it is really nice to have insight, so much thanks for your thoughts.

    Actually, to keep the conversation moving-I realize I misinterpret some of what you guys do as being sweet due to it looking quiet and shy from the outside. In reality I think it is pure logical analysis at work and just looks quiet. I know other NFs seem to do this too. Is it somewhat insulting to be misunderstood this way? It just popped into my head today that I do it...

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    I'll have to take your word for it that you make people laugh ( intentionally). But I would have thought your lofty principles forbade behaviour so crude.

    You are one conflicted dude.
    You have so obviously never seen me in ventrilo .

  7. #107
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    However I dont know if I am comfortable changing my natural response patterns. I will never exhibit the logic he has so why try and pretend that I have that feature? I am not dry and witty, I am spastic and spontaneous. I am actually enjoying as of late being more true to what I am rather than what I have pushed myself to be in the past (more Te).

    By not staying true, then I am hiding part of what I am, if that makes any sense.... A little bit of this-not so much pda, not so much chatter, a settling of the silly spacticity-was already in play, given I knew he was an INTP.
    Absolutely. That's what I was trying to say. Stay true to yourself, honour your own feelings. You just seemed too anxious to meet his expectations:

    Does the INTP expect a joke, a witty reply in turn or will self depreciation (in a good way of course) be okay? Not sure what the expectation is here.
    When clearly he didn't seem terribly worried about yours...

    Allow an INTP to be 100% themselves, whilst remaining authentically yourself, and you won't go far wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    Actually, to keep the conversation moving-I realize I misinterpret some of what you guys do as being sweet due to it looking quiet and shy from the outside. In reality I think it is pure logical analysis at work and just looks quiet. I know other NFs seem to do this too. Is it somewhat insulting to be misunderstood this way? It just popped into my head today that I do it...
    No. I am really quiet and shy and sweet enough to give you toothache.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #108
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    He just wrote me back "Hmm, maybe calling you illiterate and brain damaged in one go wasn't the best idea" silly INTP (are you out there watching???)

    Also said this "Also, I like you so much that I feel obligated to mention that I'm not really interested in an exclusive relationship right now, but so long as your cool with that I'd like to keep this line of fun going. Sorry to be a weirdo or a buzzkill."

    We have been having much fun playing the never ending asking of questions game. You know, honesty is SO AWESOME after dealing with the douche bag ENTP, that this comment actually made me smile. I am not looking for LTR but an honest man who likes me is actually kind of fun. Truth, it's such a novel concept...

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post


    No. I am really quiet and shy and sweet enough to give you toothache.

    Oh I shall cuddle you and give you the cutest of snuggle-wuddles widdle INTP....... hahaha, I can feel the cavities forming already!

  9. #109
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    "Also, I like you so much that I feel obligated to mention that I'm not really interested in an exclusive relationship right now, but so long as your cool with that I'd like to keep this line of fun going. Sorry to be a weirdo or a buzzkill."
    Adorable.

  10. #110
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Puppy - what made your ENTP a douche? Are you suggesting that ENTPs are not honest??

    The only way I would withhold a part of the truth is if I'm dealing with someone completely over the top emotionally. Aside from that, no holes barred!

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