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[INTP] What are female INTPs like?

Shinzon

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Oct 29, 2007
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So I've been dating this girl for a few months. When I first got into MBTI she took an online test and came up as a ISFJ, but she never really seemed like the other ISFJs I had met. She said some of the things in the description made sense to her (especially the concept of being introverted), but it wasn't perfect. More recently she took a test in one of my personality types books and that put her as an INTP, however she doesn't really remind me of the other (male) INTPs I have met, either. I do think she's closer to INTP than ISFJ though.

The big problem is she shows me very little intuition. She prefers to talk about all the things that happened throughout the day in great detail and does very little of what I would consider N speculation. I asked her about this and she stated cryptically 'what if I just don't share?' or something to that effect. When I pressed she wouldn't explain it any further. She is very willing to follow me into whatever crazy territory I want to go, but doesn't add as much as I'd expect. My speculation on this is she does it because she doesn't feel like she knows enough about the subject to comment.

I considered ISTP, but she has none of the stereotypical SP traits: sense of adventures, a love of working with the hands on concrete things. She enjoys quiet activities and much prefers a intimidate night at home talking for hours in the candle light to going out and partying. She has also said that she much prefers to come up with the solution and let other people take care of the implementation. When I asked her if she could consider being an architect she said 'sure, as long as I didn't have to build anything'.

I asked her how she felt about the basic motivation of a type 5: Want to be capable and competent, to master a body of knowledge and skill. She smiled sheepishly and said 'now we don't know anyone like that, do we?'

She also very much reminds me of this girl who claims to be an INTP on youtube:

YouTube - INTP

I think its mostly the facial expressions and the eyes that resonate with me the most. Also the way she moves her head and her speech pattern.

So tell me, am I dating an INTP? If so why does she act so S?
 
Last edited:

Aleph-One

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I think you may be putting too much stock in the MBTI. It is a very poor predictor of relationship success, as studies have shown. Its classification scheme is unfalsifiable as well so there's probably no way of telling whether she's actually an INTP or an ISFJ.

My advice: it just doesn't matter.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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because she's an isfj .?

My mom could seem INT to an untrained eye (she's isfj).
 

Shinzon

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I think you may be putting too much stock in the MBTI. It is a very poor predictor of relationship success, as studies have shown. Its classification scheme is unfalsifiable as well so there's probably no way of telling whether she's actually an INTP or an ISFJ.

My advice: it just doesn't matter.

I'm not basing whether or not our relationship will survive on MBTI; we had a successful relationship long before I was introduced to the cognitive functions. I sincerely doubt any rational person would ignore the feelings they have for someone because their zodiac signs are incompatible or their MBTI types don't match so I'm not sure why you'd even suggest something so obvious. What I would like is to understand her completely and MBTI is one tool of many in obtaining that goal. She can be a very cryptic girl sometimes and I need all the help I can get.

because she's an isfj .?

My mom could seem INT to an untrained eye (she's isfj).

Could be, but she has very little of the rigidity I've seen in other SFJs. I'm not discounting ISFJ, but as I have never met a female INTP, I have no basis for comparison.

It also might be worth mentioning that she has very little interest in fashion, trends, doesn't wear makeup, etc and has said she's always felt like a bit of a tomboy. Those traits seem to suggest at least an ST.
 

Azseroffs

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If all INTP girls are like that I need to meet one.. now!

more on topic..
I've never met an INTP girl so I can't really help you there, but considering the test results.. the only thing you can be sure of is Ixxx. I would either have her take the test again and/or have her get to know MBTI better. Or try getting better outsider opinions by asking your friends or posting a description of her on here. I have found it exceptionally difficult typing girlfriends as well.
 

thisGuy

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touch on an N topic of discussion...something that interests her

watch her for reactions that may indicate immediate dismissal or reluctant interest

i have an ESTP friend. worst S ever. im more Se than him
hes S because he doesn't display N traits and not because he displays any obvious S characters
 

velocity

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why exactly does this matter again?

and she sounds more isfj to me.
there are different shades to mbti types, dude. si is what's familiar and relating to past experiences - that's different for everyone, so isfj's, just like any other person/type, have different preferences. and yes, they ARE capable of abstract thought and questioning (!), just with a more practical and feeling-relational bent. :hug:
 

A Schnitzel

WTF is this dude saying?
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Yes I know INTPs who don't like talking about theories that they don't understand fully. As Ti dominants they want the theory straight in their head before talking about it. They both still have an obvious taste for the theoretical, one is a physics major who is switching to pure mathematics. The other is a math major I met in a historical philosophy class. An easy way to tell that they are NT is that they get all of my jokes. Sensors often give me an awkward blank stare after I make a joke.
 

Aleph-One

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If all INTP girls are like that I need to meet one.. now!
They aren't. At least not all of them. A great many of them smell a bit, own several Monty Python t-shirts, and leave food in the sink -- just like their male counterparts.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
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They aren't. At least not all of them. A great many of them smell a bit, own several Monty Python t-shirts, and leave food in the sink -- just like their male counterparts.

i can do without monty python, but the smelling part is attracting me.

but i am interested in females of your own type, since i am currently convinced by your physiognomy that you are Ni and since in my book Ni are the introverted perceivers and i would like to met a girl someday, who understands me who has a inner world, that i can honestly understand, so i have a chance of conforting her, and knowing how i do it. because with other girls, "believing" that she 'feels' my involvement, because she verbally "confirm" it, never really gets through to me, and i believe you know the self doubt of Ni ...
 

nanook

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if you know any of your type, i would like to know:

-if they smell too, because smelling girls might actually acept me for who i am

-if and how they implement their F function (Fi as mbti tells or Fe as socionics tells) in a relationship (are they door slamming princesses (Fi) or will they suffer without telling how they suffer, secretly detaching into paranoid distance (Fe))

-if Te can emulate something like the confident advise giving optimism of Ne (see enfp) or if its even more paranoid about not being able to influence destiny then my Fe is.
 

Totenkindly

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Who really knows?

I'll admit that this part:
The big problem is she shows me very little intuition. She prefers to talk about all the things that happened throughout the day in great detail and does very little of what I would consider N speculation. I asked her about this and she stated cryptically 'what if I just don't share?' or something to that effect. When I pressed she wouldn't explain it any further. She is very willing to follow me into whatever crazy territory I want to go, but doesn't add as much as I'd expect.

is very ISFJ, although the ones I know actually get BORED and really need to get back to concrete-detail conversation if you start abstracting too long.

But really, the test doesn't matter as much as this:

Do you like her?
Enjoy being with her?
Care about her?
Find her interesting?

Her type is irrelevant, just ask yourself the basics: Is she worth dating, does she make your life a better one, and is there a future you can see in being together?
 

Aleph-One

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if you know any of your type, i would like to know:

-if they smell too, because smelling girls might actually acept me for who i am

-if and how they implement their F function (Fi as mbti tells or Fe as socionics tells) in a relationship (are they door slamming princesses (Fi) or will they suffer without telling how they suffer, secretly detaching into paranoid distance (Fe))

-if Te can emulate something like the confident advise giving optimism of Ne (see enfp) or if its even more paranoid about not being able to influence destiny then my Fe is.
I've met two INTJ women that I know of -- they are very rare. The only nice thing I can say about those two is that they had very good hygiene. "Accepting" is probably not the word which best describes them. INxPs, on the other hand, really seem to appreciate things which other people might consider weird.
 

Fluffywolf

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I think I knew an INTP girl in high school. At least, to the best of my guess she was most likely INTP like me. And she was much more mature then I was (Also older, a bit). And quite a bit smarter.

I suppose it might be pleasant if you're a masochist!
 

Shinzon

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The people insisting that type doesn't matter aren't telling me anything I don't already know and I'm honestly not sure where I implied anything different. The whole point of type theory in the first place is to give people context in which they can understand a person's inner motivations, quirks and needs. It's about teaching us that while each person is a variation on a theme, the complexity between what is learned and what is inherent gives uniqueness. Understanding is a huge part of empathy and empathy is a huge part of a successful relationship.

So again, I'm not going to dump her or think less of her if she is an S. I went into this relationship thinking she was an ISFJ and I was content with that. It's just a puzzle I'm trying solve and if the solution to this puzzle can help me care for her and speak her language better than I would naturally, why wouldn't I want to do everything I could to fit those pieces together? It's like telling a new mother to not bother studying books on children. Sure, all the knowledge she could get from a book she'll probably learn through experience over time, but why not take a short cut?

watch her for reactions that may indicate immediate dismissal or reluctant interest

She's always interested in any topic. I'd say the most N conversations we've had have been about philosophy and religion (what is god, etc) and the truths we've discovered in our lives about those topics. She has said her favorite part of our relationship is that we can discuss anything and that our conversations can go anywhere. She is interested in science and will read books on a wide variety of subjects, but she doesn't talk much about it. I dated an ESFJ for many years, I'm well versed on SFJ disinterest in N topics. This girl will go anywhere with me, and she'll definitely add more than my ESFJ did, but not as much as I'd expect from an INTP. Maybe she is showing me N, but just not the type of N to which I am accustomed so I'm not seeing it? *shrug*

I think I'm going to do some experimentation on this front. I'm going to probe around for her areas of natural interest and see if I can get more out of her going on those topics.

An easy way to tell that they are NT is that they get all of my jokes. Sensors often give me an awkward blank stare after I make a joke.

Her sense of humor is mostly sarcastic and she absolutely loves my sense of humor which is a rarity. The only other person who finds me as funny is an ENFP.


is very ISFJ, although the ones I know actually get BORED and really need to get back to concrete-detail conversation if you start abstracting too long.
This is true. My best friend in highschool was a male ISFJ and he'd listen politely and then steer the conversation elsewhere the first chance he got.

Do you like her?
Enjoy being with her?
Care about her?
Find her interesting?

Yes, which is why I care enough about her type to ask a bunch of strangers on the internet for help. I frankly find the idea that a person WOULDN'T want to know their lover's personality type and everything else about them a little strange...

Thanks to everyone for the replies. What traits should I keep an eye open for? Does anyone know of a more gender neutral description of the INTP type? Most seem biased towards the men in the same way that most INFJ descriptions seem biased towards the women.

It also may be worth pointing out that her father is a very obvious INTP and her step father and and her half brothers and sisters all seem STP so these may very well be learned traits. Her mother reminds me of my INFJ mother, but I haven't been around her enough to say for certain.
 

Totenkindly

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So tell me, am I dating an INTP? If so why does she act so S?

To answer a question like that, I'd look at her family, background, environment, and other factors to see how she might have developed in that particular fashion. Everyone is different, there's a lot of variety within a type.

She enjoys quiet activities and much prefers a intimidate night at home talking for hours in the candle light to going out and partying. She has also said that she much prefers to come up with the solution and let other people take care of the implementation. When I asked her if she could consider being an architect she said 'sure, as long as I didn't have to build anything'.

it sounds like you know her pretty well.
Which is why I would say don't look to type to explain her, type is just a collection of traits/experiences that you can reference if you DON'T know someone in order to get a handle on where they might be coming from.

You can build your own pattern repository (as you have already done) of her and then use that to predict potentially beneficial avenues in which to explore the relationship. It's pretty clear that the MBTI patterns don't really easily encompass or explain her personality.
 
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