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[ENTP] ENTPs and relationship sabotage?

Synarch

Once Was
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Oct 14, 2008
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OK, I'm going to put it out there.


I think I'm in love. And I'm scared out of my mind. I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of rejection. How can I NOT mess this one up?

I thought I should ask you guys, since you seem to have a pretty good grasp of how my mind works.

Number one, props to you for being honest about your fears. That is not easy.

To me this is the ENTP curse. We feel confident with people when we wear our mask. The mask of ease, enthusiasm, and charm. When we fall in love, it's like getting hit with burrowing bullets that penetrate the shiny armor. We become completely unmanned and powerless. We want to protect ourselves, but we know that to love and be loved we must reveal ourselves like little soft hermit crabs venturing from their shells to meet with another.

I've thought about this a lot on my own journey and I think the answer is to embrace rejection, embrace hurt. Don't run from it or fear it. The only protection from the fear is to be boldly naked and vulnerable.

You cannot stop someone from rejecting you. So, best not to worry about it. If someone rejects you they don't love you. So in a way, they do you a favor by allowing you to move forward.

Good luck to you. You have nothing to fear and everything to gain.
 

Mitzy

brat
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yeah, i understand
its just frustrating sometimes how the guys that supposedly like me back, dont show it as much as i do. and i ask myself why. thats not fair! i know how they feel yet they dont express it because they feel out of place when it feels like a natural thing for me to do so. and its mostly just the 't' guys who do this.... :rolli:
 

Synarch

Once Was
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yeah, i understand
its just frustrating sometimes how the guys that supposedly like me back, dont show it as much as i do. and i ask myself why. thats not fair! i know how they feel yet they dont express it because they feel out of place when it feels like a natural thing for me to do so. and its mostly just the 't' guys who do this.... :rolli:

That's why you might find it easier with someone more expressive and deep. Dr. Synarch prescribes INFJ. The thing with INFJ is that you have to find some way for them to communicate comfortably with you, then they will, I think.
 

Mitzy

brat
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yeah, maybe youre right.
but i always get stuck with the estp/j's or i/entp's
theyre all so difficult when it comes to expressing their feelings >:[
maybe more mature types arent that much of a hassle..
 

Synarch

Once Was
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yeah, maybe youre right.
but i always get stuck with the estp/j's or i/entp's
theyre all so difficult when it comes to expressing their feelings >:[
maybe more mature types arent that much of a hassle..

Love is like a Mexican standoff. Everyone's afraid to shoot first. Sling those love bullets and they'll start popping off.
 

Ardea

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You know what? The guilt is gone now. Poof - just like that. Even though he's still sobbing in the next room (ugh)... My rationale took over and I realized that I did nothing wrong (I really didn't!). I decided to tell him my honest feelings and he reacted to it. I can't be responsible for his reactions, only my actions. And I feel that I was honest, fair and kind. I can't force anyone to accept the truth - and I admit it is rather hard to face, at times. But I don't believe in being a martyr or in suffering in silence.

I can only be me, and if that's not what you want/need/like, then get to f'ing stepping. I still care for him dearly, and this is probably not our last chapter (this is +/- 10 years now...) but I won't pretend something I just don't feel, and I won't accept something I just don't like. Life is too short.

I am so happy I found you girls, this forum and other ENTPs. It is so refreshing to feel validated for once. Or at least find others who identify with my potentially messed up train of thought. Thanks!!! :hug::hug::hug:

You did what was good and right. Nothing can be held against you. It's good that you were honest with him, and most importantly, with yourself!!!

:hug:

Just don't lose your nerve. You've done what's best for you and him. :yes:

OK, I'm going to put it out there.


I think I'm in love. And I'm scared out of my mind. I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of rejection. How can I NOT mess this one up?

I thought I should ask you guys, since you seem to have a pretty good grasp of how my mind works.

You're going to fuck it up one way or another. You're human. Love hurts - ALWAYS. That's the nature of the game.

Just be calm, honest with yourself, and take some risks.

You're an ENTP. You have balls, smarts, charm, THE WHOLE package. Just put some feelers out there or something! :D :D :D
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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That's why you might find it easier with someone more expressive and deep. Dr. Synarch prescribes INFJ. The thing with INFJ is that you have to find some way for them to communicate comfortably with you, then they will, I think.

You and your damn INFJs!!!

Ok, but in all reality, I've learned not to question you, for you know of what you speak. :worthy:
 

jenocyde

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You did what was good and right. Nothing can be held against you. It's good that you were honest with him, and most importantly, with yourself!!!

:hug:

Just don't lose your nerve. You've done what's best for you and him. :yes:

Thanks Femme. Really, I keep doubting myself. No more guilt - just doubting. I can't believe how much I've fucked up with him over all these years. And I can't believe he keeps coming back for more. I keep thinking that maybe some cosmic force keeps throwing us back at each other... (granted, he's fucked up many times, too)

I had to be very stern with him yesterday for his own sake - to allow him to move on for good. It will never happen with us in the way that he needs it to. It breaks my heart to let him go but I'd rather my heart break for all eternity, than to let his break for one more minute. Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to be with him, but I just can't take that step. It will never happen. And I have to stop lying to myself about it.

The worst part though - is the hardest one to admit. I would probably have still been feeling guilty if he hadn't cried about it. Seeing him break down like that made me want to run for the hills and never see him again. It was easier in my head to let him go after seeing that. I know. I'm horrible.
 

Ardea

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Thanks Femme. Really, I keep doubting myself. No more guilt - just doubting. I can't believe how much I've fucked up with him over all these years. And I can't believe he keeps coming back for more. I keep thinking that maybe some cosmic force keeps throwing us back at each other... (granted, he's fucked up many times, too)

I had to be very stern with him yesterday for his own sake - to allow him to move on for good. It will never happen with us in the way that he needs it to. It breaks my heart to let him go but I'd rather my heart break for all eternity, than to let his break for one more minute. Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to be with him, but I just can't take that step. It will never happen. And I have to stop lying to myself about it.

The worst part though - is the hardest one to admit. I would probably have still been feeling guilty if he hadn't cried about it. Seeing him break down like that made me want to run for the hills and never see him again. It was easier in my head to let him go after seeing that. I know. I'm horrible.

Girl, we've got stories to swap!!! Me and my ex-fiance, the INFJ... yeah...

Come to Texas. We'll drink. And talk. And... figure it out.
 

Ardea

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Number one, props to you for being honest about your fears. That is not easy.

To me this is the ENTP curse. We feel confident with people when we wear our mask. The mask of ease, enthusiasm, and charm. When we fall in love, it's like getting hit with burrowing bullets that penetrate the shiny armor. We become completely unmanned and powerless. We want to protect ourselves, but we know that to love and be loved we must reveal ourselves like little soft hermit crabs venturing from their shells to meet with another.

I've thought about this a lot on my own journey and I think the answer is to embrace rejection, embrace hurt. Don't run from it or fear it. The only protection from the fear is to be boldly naked and vulnerable.

You cannot stop someone from rejecting you. So, best not to worry about it. If someone rejects you they don't love you. So in a way, they do you a favor by allowing you to move forward.

Good luck to you. You have nothing to fear and everything to gain.

This sounds like a challenge.

Do you accept Synarch's ENTP challenge???
 

Synarch

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You and your damn INFJs!!!

Ok, but in all reality, I've learned not to question you, for you know of what you speak. :worthy:

You're just jealous.

Yes, acknowledging your own ignorance is the first step.
 

jenocyde

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This sounds like a challenge.

Do you accept Synarch's ENTP challenge???

Me? Hell no!

It's not a mask for me, it's my skin. When I fall for someone, it's painful - like removing my outer layer literally.

I don't know if I'm scared of rejection or hurt, maybe - who knows. But I know I'm scared of being accountable for my actions. Being responsible for another human being. Being trapped.

Thanks, I'm good.
 

Synarch

Once Was
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Thanks Femme. Really, I keep doubting myself. No more guilt - just doubting. I can't believe how much I've fucked up with him over all these years. And I can't believe he keeps coming back for more. I keep thinking that maybe some cosmic force keeps throwing us back at each other... (granted, he's fucked up many times, too)

Like many ENTP's you just have a mean, sadistic streak. This attracts people who derive something from being hurt.

I had to be very stern with him yesterday for his own sake - to allow him to move on for good. It will never happen with us in the way that he needs it to. It breaks my heart to let him go but I'd rather my heart break for all eternity, than to let his break for one more minute. Sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to be with him, but I just can't take that step. It will never happen. And I have to stop lying to myself about it.

The worst part though - is the hardest one to admit. I would probably have still been feeling guilty if he hadn't cried about it. Seeing him break down like that made me want to run for the hills and never see him again. It was easier in my head to let him go after seeing that. I know. I'm horrible.

It is hard to respect someone who won't go even when you kick them in the ass. That's why you can feel like this, I think.
 

Mitzy

brat
Joined
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Messages
687
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oh no. he cried? dont feel bad. i would have had the same reaction. it might be "horrible" but...shit. i dont know either actually. hm..okay. yeah, i guess we are fucked up >_>


synarch has a valid point
id probably laugh and be like..what the fuck?
what shame
 

jenocyde

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Sweetie, he didn't just cry, he crumbled. It was a complete breakdown. The man I saw as my rock turned to dust. It was not pretty.
 

jenocyde

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Like many ENTP's you just have a mean, sadistic streak. This attracts people who derive something from being hurt.



It is hard to respect someone who won't go even when you kick them in the ass. That's why you can feel like this, I think.

Wow. The thing is, he's not like that though. He's such a man's man and a ladies' man. Very "macho" for lack of a better word. Such a player, too.

We both have been circling each other like buzzards for the past 10 years, just waiting for the other one to drop. Really sick shit.

Damn, I hope I'm not mean and sadistic...
 

Ardea

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RE: crying, staying around for years, crumbling, etc...

My INFJ is very much like this. WAS...

Now we're just friends...

But a part of me knows... deep down inside... that he'll be the one to win me... because he stuck it out the longest... despite my screaming, punching, name calling, abusive crap.

Love is not a weakness. It's a strength.

He loves me like none other. Maybe he loves you like this, too.


But not the player / macho crap. I eat those guys alive. And high five other chicks afterwards. Make that boy crumble until he becomes real and respectable!!! :)
 

Synarch

Once Was
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Sweetie, he didn't just cry, he crumbled. It was a complete breakdown. The man I saw as my rock turned to dust. It was not pretty.

Wow. The thing is, he's not like that though. He's such a man's man and a ladies' man. Very "macho" for lack of a better word. Such a player, too.

We both have been circling each other like buzzards for the past 10 years, just waiting for the other one to drop. Really sick shit.

Damn, I hope I'm not mean and sadistic...

I have something to say and will do so as soon as I return from dinner. A few bones to pick.
 
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