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[ENTP] ENTPs and relationship sabotage?

lifeintechnicolor

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As an ENTP, I tend to have difficulties with space. I always fear that I'll be too clingy so I like to keep my space from my partner, which in the end, leads to misinterpreted signals and lost connections. I'm always the one waiting to call my partner or send him a message. Or is that just being a wuss?
 

entropie

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I think if you can find someone you really can love, space or relationship talk is totally irrelevant
 

substitute

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I think if you can find someone you really can love, space or relationship talk is totally irrelevant

Nuh-uh. It's got to be mutual - you've got to be both on the same page.

Integrity too important to dump or cheat, also determination... but the choking feeling just comes to the surface eventually and I've just got to be free again. I find the words "I love you" are so often spoken when "I need you - in an unhealthy way" are what's meant. And that's suffocating - absolutely suffocating.
 

entropie

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I love intuitivly, I dont like to explain myself. To find a partner who can do that aswell is one in a million.
 

lifeintechnicolor

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I love intuitivly, I dont like to explain myself. To find a partner who can do that aswell is one in a million.

Exactly. I'm perfectly fine with whatever emotions I have for people, but when someone continually demands that I explain them or come up with a reason for them- that brings in general discomfort and dislike. Especially when in an argument. Some types feel the need to know the reason behind emotions and where they come from- no, that's not for me.
 

professor goodstain

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I love intuitivly, I dont like to explain myself. To find a partner who can do that aswell is one in a million.

Agree with this. It's like Whadaigottaexplainit? Sometimes i wonder if i'm just further advanced. Some things can go without saying 15 times a day depending on the level of insecurity of the one with those expectations. Which equal out to roughly 1,700 mins/year. Now imagine the phone bill.
 

marmandahalf

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As an ENTP, I tend to have difficulties with space. I always fear that I'll be too clingy so I like to keep my space from my partner, which in the end, leads to misinterpreted signals and lost connections. I'm always the one waiting to call my partner or send him a message. Or is that just being a wuss?

Oh good. Me too. I thought I'd have to turn in my ENTP card if I admitted it.
 

Aleph-One

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Oh good. Me too. I thought I'd have to turn in my ENTP card if I admitted it.
Wehelllll. This explains why my ENTP dates always flake out on me (I've dated more ENTPs than any other type, they ALWAYS flake out, especially if things seem to be going well).

So this "distance" thing? Don't do it. You may be concerned that you're crowding the other person, but you're probably not. I've dumped people because I thought of it as disinterest.
 

jenocyde

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Wehelllll. This explains why my ENTP dates always flake out on me (I've dated more ENTPs than any other type, they ALWAYS flake out, especially if things seem to be going well).

When you say flake out, what specifically do you mean?

Also, what is your experience with dating ENTPs - positive, negative?
 

Aleph-One

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Very positive at the beginning. But after a few months things would always sputter out. No arguments or disagreements -- it would just decline until I threw in the towel. It went that way with INTPs, too. It always seemed like I was the one putting the effort into holding things together, like I was always initiating everything, always doing the pursuing and so on. It wasn't that any of this seemed to be unwelcome, it just seemed like the other person in the relationship was a kind of emotional pillow queen.

Of course, a sample size of a handful of xNTP women is really nothing to draw a conclusion from. Besides, the relationships were doomed anyway: xNTPs leave coffee ground in the sink and don't pick up their damn laundry.
 

lifeintechnicolor

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Another thing that I notice is that ENTP's tend to want to have security before making a move. It bugs my ISTJ friend that I'm relunctant to make the first move with anyone. I'm super cautious and like to slowly dip my toes in the water instead of diving in. There's always the Ne/Se/Ti battle.
 

jenocyde

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Very positive at the beginning. But after a few months things would always sputter out.

Yeah, things tend to dissipate on their own with my relationships, too. But that's usually because I lose interest for whatever reason and just stop making an effort. If I'm really into someone, I really do put my all into it. Like anything new, I become obsessed with it, but then it's hard to keep my interest level up there.

Then, there is always that fine line between assertive and aggressive. If I take the same energy that I apply for other interests and direct that to my relationships, men would be running scared and screaming - so I do have to hold back a bit when I really like someone.

Of course, a sample size of a handful of xNTP women is really nothing to draw a conclusion from. Besides, the relationships were doomed anyway: xNTPs leave coffee ground in the sink and don't pick up their damn laundry.

Well, you have more experience than me, so I take your word for it. And I concur about the laundry. As soon as I walk in the house, I disrobe completely, leaving a trail of clothes everywhere. My brother comes over me and screams at me for leaving my jacket on the floor - but that's where it goes. :doh: He also gets annoyed that I leave the shoes that I'll wear the next day in the refrigerator (in a bag, of course). But that's the most logical place to leave them if I don't want to forget my lunch. I don't get how he doesn't get that.

Another thing that I notice is that ENTP's tend to want to have security before making a move.

I usually don't want to make a move until I'm absolutely sure it's the right move. I don't take commitments lightly.
 

Synarch

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As an ENTP, I tend to have difficulties with space. I always fear that I'll be too clingy so I like to keep my space from my partner, which in the end, leads to misinterpreted signals and lost connections. I'm always the one waiting to call my partner or send him a message. Or is that just being a wuss?

Yea. I do that. I have to restrain myself from messaging non-stop. Usually I just try to make it fun.

Yeah, things tend to dissipate on their own with my relationships, too. But that's usually because I lose interest for whatever reason and just stop making an effort. If I'm really into someone, I really do put my all into it. Like anything new, I become obsessed with it, but then it's hard to keep my interest level up there.

Then, there is always that fine line between assertive and aggressive. If I take the same energy that I apply for other interests and direct that to my relationships, men would be running scared and screaming - so I do have to hold back a bit when I really like someone.

Yea. People have told me I am intense. Not always in a good way. :)
 

lifeintechnicolor

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Very positive at the beginning. But after a few months things would always sputter out. No arguments or disagreements -- it would just decline until I threw in the towel. It went that way with INTPs, too. It always seemed like I was the one putting the effort into holding things together, like I was always initiating everything, always doing the pursuing and so on. It wasn't that any of this seemed to be unwelcome, it just seemed like the other person in the relationship was a kind of emotional pillow queen.

Of course, a sample size of a handful of xNTP women is really nothing to draw a conclusion from. Besides, the relationships were doomed anyway: xNTPs leave coffee ground in the sink and don't pick up their damn laundry.


:yes: What mess we are indeed. What a joy I must be to my ESTJ mom and ISTJ dad.

Then, there is always that fine line between assertive and aggressive. If I take the same energy that I apply for other interests and direct that to my relationships, men would be running scared and screaming - so I do have to hold back a bit when I really like someone.

Because when we find out that the other person is interested, we don't want to come on too strong, so we do that annoying petty thing called 'playing hard to get' thinking we look more clever to that person when in reality it's just slowly driving them away...maybe I'm just drawing from personal experience now... :doh:
 

jenocyde

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Because when we find out that the other person is interested, we don't want to come on too strong, so we do that annoying petty thing called 'playing hard to get' thinking we look more clever to that person when in reality it's just slowly driving them away...maybe I'm just drawing from personal experience now... :doh:

I'm not sure the reasoning relates to me, but the end result is the same. Like synarch, I can be a little too intense - especially in the beginning when I am exploring a new person. I know that level of intensity will drop sharply after a certain amount of time (usually 3-6 months), so it's almost like I'm withholding affection so I can pace myself, to stretch it out more. For my benefit, as well as my love interest's. It's not fair what I do to men sometimes...
 

lifeintechnicolor

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I'm not sure the reasoning relates to me, but the end result is the same. Like synarch, I can be a little too intense - especially in the beginning when I am exploring a new person. I know that level of intensity will drop sharply after a certain amount of time (usually 3-6 months), so it's almost like I'm withholding affection so I can pace myself, to stretch it out more. For my benefit, as well as my love interest's. It's not fair what I do to men sometimes...

After reading your post, I would like to change my reasoning. You're absolutely right. There's the fear of being too much for someone, but then eventually 'too much' trickles down into 'nothing at all' (for me, at least). And that's where it ends.
 

lifeintechnicolor

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You're awesome - I do that shit all the time, hahaha...

:cheese:

And because you said the shit word you get a cuddle.
:hug:

something I found one boring night...

Profile by Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow
For the ENTP, falling in love occurs when they feel that there is a good fit with the other person. Often within the first meeting, ENTPs will know whether the relationship has any real potential. ENTPs may find it difficult to commit to anyone until the right person comes along. During this period, ENTPs explore the closeness until they can be certain that they have looked at all of the possibilities. Because of this, they are not likely to settle down early. When they do become involved in a relationship, they generally want to maintain as much independence and freedom as their loved one can tolerate. Their mates may need to have high self-esteem and to be independent themselves in order to accept the ENTP need for freedom and novelty.

It's probably the N that accounts for this. It's not quite a 'love at first sight' thing :)shock:), but I've found that I just know if something has potential or not when I first meet someone. Do any of you experience this as well?
 

Aleph-One

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I do it, too. That's why I'm usually only successful with other NTs. Everyone else seems to think there's something wrong with using mutual interests and mutual attraction as a good reason for starting a relationship. They like to drag their feet waiting for.... well, I'm still not sure what they're waiting for.

On the other hand, this could explain why so many people in this thread seem to suffer from initially promising relationships that burn out quickly. I don't know if I'd call that a problem, though. I like passionate romance. Too fast is almost fast enough for me.
 
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