[INTJ] Way to an INTJ's heart?

[Synarch]

I have given this serious thought, and I believe the answer is:

Cleavage.

It sounds crazy, but it just might work!

 

[DigitalMethod]

It would be interesting to have a "How I Met My INTJ" thread.

 

[simulatedworld]

What heart?

 

[Wiley45]

It would be interesting to have a "How I Met My INTJ" thread.

It would be, indeed. I'd find this thread fascinating.

 

[Litvyak]

Why is that, can you INTJs explain that?

I don't know. Maybe these are abilities we'll never possess, and you people are like our "other half" or whatever. Ugh, too much syrup...
Can't help it, I'm extremely biased at the moment.

I have to add, ENFPs can be also distractive and tiresome from time to time, but who cares if they have such a sweet and charming personality.

 

[sculpting]

So Amar... I know that there has been many other threads about this but is ENFP / INTJ really a good match... I am surprised that they are sooo accepting of our silliness... But I have had similar experiences with them also.. Usually they are known by others as being quite stern almost difficult characters but the two in particualr I am thinking of have always been so sweet with me to make me think that popele had got them wrong or something.. Or maybe they are just humouring me

Honestly-sorry my INTJs-when people talk about my INTJs they are not always nice. I currently work with three and all three are acknowledged as good at what they do but folks dont like to interact with them. When we enfps interact with them I think we can approach with our Fi all hanging out and it can twitch their Fi. Pure Fi seems to have a hard time being dishonst or false. I think the INTJs "see" that authinticity and let down thier guard. It has worked with all of them.

The hardest one to touch was a young kid-about 23-in grad school. I kept trying to advise him about using an ultracentrifuge and he was very INTJ like towards me and would not listen. He broke tubes inside the 10K rotor and got some shit from others in his lab and mine. Instead of being critical I couldn't help but be feel bad for him as I some how knew he felt isolated. I stopped by and joked about how I messed up the rotor before that one, and then helped him find the right types of tubes to use. He was my friend after that.

I have never been involved romatically but I could see how it could happen easily given the right circumstances. However it would not be a simple fling at all, but something pretty intense I would gather.

 

[Kalach]

Interesting, mine was the same. He has plenty of guys online that he can talk to about his interests, and god knows I cannot keep up with his brain or his interests, but somehow he really enjoyed my flirty nature and the fact that I saw through him easily. Why is that, can you INTJs explain that?

Umm...

it's less lonely that way?

The process of coming to know the secrets of the universe is internal. An audience isn't needed or wanted for the process to work. And when the process is done, an audience is equally as pointless as before: the secrets are there to use, not for applause. Oh sure, we can get on a talking jag where those secrets are revealled again and again and again, but that's laying out the script for how to use them, not for being impressed by them.

So... the past is done, the future is spelled out, and the immediate moment is...

nothing.


Perhaps I exaggerate for pathos and hugs, but there it is.

 

[sculpting]

Oh sure, we can get on a talking jag where those secrets are revealled again and again and again, but that's laying out the script for how to use them, not for being impressed by them.

So... the past is done, the future is spelled out, and the immediate moment is...

nothing.

Kalach can you say a bit more about the talking jag? I notice some INTJs do like to share thier discoveries somewhat pedantically. You ask for the time and get the historhey of the clock sort of thing...which can be really fascinating, but takes some time.

As for the rest of the post, it's sort of sadly moving.

 

[Kalach]

Kalach can you say a bit more about the talking jag? I notice some INTJs do like to share thier discoveries somewhat pedantically. You ask for the time and get the historhey of the clock sort of thing...which can be really fascinating, but takes some time.

I dunno. I guess the jag varies according to the INTJ's sense of right time, right place, right subject. It's an efficiency thing, like a sense of "are they getting this?", and in lieu of efficiency, it can be a hammer thing, insisting via directive words that something come true, or be understood, or be followed. INTJs get to be boring when they're off and rolling and looking for a closure of some kind so they're ignoring the stop signs. I guess it can be because they've chosen to try their hand at revealling the universal a priori, but picked a dumb topic, one that doesn't really let them do what they do best.

Yeah, it is authoritarian and horrible, really, a product of not really believing that anything can be made true, but I'm pretty sure the jag can be stopped just by being interacted with. Depending a bit, of course, on maturity and the INTJ's sense of goals being on the way to being met. Whatever the hell those goals may be.

And some of us just are boring pedants.

We used to have like a swimsuit calendar of those guys. Skinny hairless geeks with dead eyes in speedos. Then one guy got his picture took in a nice grey suit and he had two sheep's eyes and maybe a banana in some speedos that he held out in front of him. Big laughs, but they didn't do the calendar anymore after that.

 

[Kalach]

They look at you like you're this magical creature they've never seen before. [...] I never understood why they are so accepting of our nature and enjoy basking in our craziness, but I love 'em for it

As for the staring thing...

I'll stare at pretty much anyone, and I don't know why that is, except it's a fairly sensitive act of looking for something. I know it is because I'll often not see the thing, whatever it is, and break off the stare because I don't want to be seen to be searching, I guess.

I met an ENTP the other day, and she got stared at. It was different from watching an ENFP. I could see (and hear) an aggressive restless thing she had going. It was in a public place so it was interesting seeing her eyes work, flicking here and there, checking out the other people. There was a kind of outwardness to it that ENFPs don't use, and to my sense of things it was... angry? So I guess I was seeing Ne+Fe rather than Ne+Fi.

There's something else going on in this staring business too because I have a harder time keeping the stare feeling right in front of INFPs. They have their own expectant thing going on and it can be a little hard to meet.

 

[marmandahalf]

As for the staring thing...
I met an ENTP the other day, and she got stared at. It was different from watching an ENFP. I could see (and hear) an aggressive restless thing she had going. It was in a public place so it was interesting seeing her eyes work, flicking here and there, checking out the other people. There was a kind of outwardness to it that ENFPs don't use, and to my sense of things it was... angry? So I guess I was seeing Ne+Fe rather than Ne+Fi.

People read my body language as angry all the time. It totally causes conflict with my SF roommate, who thinks that I'm secretly angry at her when I'm actually neutral.

 

[Virtual ghost]

People read my body language as angry all the time. It totally causes conflict with my SF roommate, who thinks that I'm secretly angry at her when I'm actually neutral.

I think that most NT have similar problems.
Which is because we are not naturally friendly and sensitive toward others.
So people think that we hate them. While we probably don't even pay attention to them.

 

[sculpting]

I dunno. I guess the jag varies according to the INTJ's sense of right time, right place, right subject. It's an efficiency thing, like a sense of "are they getting this?", and in lieu of efficiency, it can be a hammer thing, insisting via directive words that something come true, or be understood, or be followed. INTJs get to be boring when they're off and rolling and looking for a closure of some kind so they're ignoring the stop signs. I guess it can be because they've chosen to try their hand at revealling the universal a priori, but picked a dumb topic, one that doesn't really let them do what they do best.

Yeah, it is authoritarian and horrible, really, a product of not really believing that anything can be made true, but I'm pretty sure the jag can be stopped just by being interacted with. Depending a bit, of course, on maturity and the INTJ's sense of goals being on the way to being met. Whatever the hell those goals may be.

And some of us just are boring pedants.

We used to have like a swimsuit calendar of those guys. Skinny hairless geeks with dead eyes in speedos. Then one guy got his picture took in a nice grey suit and he had two sheep's eyes and maybe a banana in some speedos that he held out in front of him. Big laughs, but they didn't do the calendar anymore after that.

At my company and even when I was in grad school I was nominated as the secret "get an answer out of the INTJ" weapon. I would wonder in, ask the question, collapse into silliness, derail the jag, ask again, question, derail, roll on the floor, and then run away giggling and rambling about. But it seemed to make the INTJs happy. Also my favortie INTJs don't do the jag thing excessively at all, they are much more intense and quiet with the intense stare.

 

[sculpting]

As for the staring thing...

I'll stare at pretty much anyone, and I don't know why that is, except it's a fairly sensitive act of looking for something. I know it is because I'll often not see the thing, whatever it is, and break off the stare because I don't want to be seen to be searching, I guess.

I met an ENTP the other day, and she got stared at. It was different from watching an ENFP. I could see (and hear) an aggressive restless thing she had going. It was in a public place so it was interesting seeing her eyes work, flicking here and there, checking out the other people. There was a kind of outwardness to it that ENFPs don't use, and to my sense of things it was... angry? So I guess I was seeing Ne+Fe rather than Ne+Fi.

There's something else going on in this staring business too because I have a harder time keeping the stare feeling right in front of INFPs. They have their own expectant thing going on and it can be a little hard to meet.

I have had to travel extensively this year and my new hobby is quick typing people while I stand in the plane boarding. The ENTPs are crazy easy to spot as they look at everything and are constantly watching and looking for new oppurtunities and new things to pop up. Each person that comes on gets looked at, then the next and so on. I think more assertive than angry though.

 

[Kalach]

At my company and even when I was in grad school I was nominated as the secret "get an answer out of the INTJ" weapon. I would wonder in, ask the question, collapse into silliness, derail the jag, ask again, question, derail, roll on the floor, and then run away giggling and rambling about. But it seemed to make the INTJs happy. Also my favortie INTJs don't do the jag thing excessively at all, they are much more intense and quiet with the intense stare.

Extraverted iNtuiting also can involve catalyzing people and extemporaneously shaping situations, spreading an atmosphere of change through emergent leadership.

It's actually something I am (to some degree) aware of ENFPs doing when they're doing it. I'm probably not aware of all of it, or even the significant percentage, and maybe really only aware of the Te expression of it... but I suppose it's what gets you past the J.

I have had to travel extensively this year and my new hobby is quick typing people while I stand in the plane boarding. The ENTPs are crazy easy to spot as they look at everything and are constantly watching and looking for new oppurtunities and new things to pop up. Each person that comes on gets looked at, then the next and so on. I think more assertive than angry though.

Yeah, I knew it wasn't actual anger, it just looked like it. Being (aggressively) inquisitive, sorta. Maybe plus a little impatience.

 

[booyalab]

Most type specific questions can be answered by considering the opposite type.
So, don't be a flash in the pan.

 

[Erudur]

So Amar... I know that there has been many other threads about this but is ENFP / INTJ really a good match... I am surprised that they are sooo accepting of our silliness... But I have had similar experiences with them also.. Usually they are known by others as being quite stern almost difficult characters but the two in particualr I am thinking of have always been so sweet with me to make me think that popele had got them wrong or something.. Or maybe they are just humouring me

Some of the INTJs on here come off a bit more stern/hardass than the ones I know incl myself.

Though, I think I struggle having patience for (and not showing my annoyance with) people who stubbornly stand against beneficial change, or can't see the big picture, or get preachy/overly talkative with really seemingly obvious concrete subjects I don't find interesting. Those situations may leave me seeming mean or angry.

The cool thing about xNFPs is that they rarely fall into these categories of INTJ annoyances. They tend to be aware enough to avoid them, and tend to engage in more abstract conversations when contacting another N.

 

[Synarch]

I have had to travel extensively this year and my new hobby is quick typing people while I stand in the plane boarding. The ENTPs are crazy easy to spot as they look at everything and are constantly watching and looking for new oppurtunities and new things to pop up. Each person that comes on gets looked at, then the next and so on. I think more assertive than angry though.

Yeah. But. How do you know you're right?

 

[the state i am in]

enfp knows what Fi feels like and how Fi is working internally. good enfps are really perceptive about how people are feeling, plus they have a bazillion Ne ways to get people out of their ruts, help nudge and push and initiate them to get going, get going. for intjs who have way bigger hearts than people realize but are totally clueless as to how to express it, altho some can and develop very sophisticated cutting senses of humor to articulate that complexity, enfps are as good a pairing as any.

for both intjs and infjs, i think enfp and entp are about as balancing and multi-dimensional as it gets. the relationship can become extremely varied and capable of encompassing many possibilities and utilizing a wide range of skillsets. at that point, gender plays a large role as well, and having a t-f spectrum in a relationship usually seems grounding/uplifting for both partners in the way they need it.

 

[Synarch]

People read my body language as angry all the time. It totally causes conflict with my SF roommate, who thinks that I'm secretly angry at her when I'm actually neutral.

Heh. Yea, people always think I'm angry. It's just that I look angry when concentrating, and I'm often concentrating mainly because my mind is like a rusted motor. I got to hunker down to make her hum.

I worked at this place once and my friend who got me the job interview was like, "Everyone keeps asking why you look so angry."

I met an ENTP the other day, and she got stared at. It was different from watching an ENFP. I could see (and hear) an aggressive restless thing she had going. It was in a public place so it was interesting seeing her eyes work, flicking here and there, checking out the other people. There was a kind of outwardness to it that ENFPs don't use, and to my sense of things it was... angry? So I guess I was seeing Ne+Fe rather than Ne+Fi.

Sometimes I can't stop looking at stuff. Usually it's people. People are endlessly interesting.