• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INTJ] Way to an INTJ's heart?

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It takes time, they have to trust you. Show that you care, take interest in them, you will know when they open up to you. YOU WILL KNOW. When they open up to you they show insane amounts of care. They aren't all cold hearted.
 

sonata

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Don't play hard to get. If you do, the INTJ will decide that having feelings for you is not worth the time commitment / potential emotional yuck that could follow from your rejection. I'm pretty good at overriding any feelings I might have for a person if I decide that it isn't worth it.

Be persistent. Become friendly first; I will not respond to openly sexual comments until we've had a few good conversations about something else. Friendly teasing is usually cool. Make us laugh. Experiment. As people who make stupid comments in social situations all the time, we will rarely judge you permanently for one stupid thing you say. I'm pretty willing to write things off if most of what you say is intelligent (and you can be intelligent in a variety of ways) and fun.

The people I've dated / been interested in have all been people who I didn't really like at first (I don't like very many people at first) but I gave them a chance and they won me over to their quirks and charm and got me to trust their intentions.

That's how to get an INTJ to like you --- I'm not sure how to win one's heart. The most anyone's been able to do with me is see it, and temporarily borrow a small piece.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
It takes time, they have to trust you. Show that you care, take interest in them, you will know when they open up to you. YOU WILL KNOW. When they open up to you they show insane amounts of care. They aren't all cold hearted.

QFE. :yes:
 

Wiley45

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
669
MBTI Type
INFP
In my experience, a bit of "cold hearted," sarcastic, witty banter can help attract an INTJ. I don't think it's a literal cold heartedness, but more of a limitation on emotional emphasis in favor of some brainy (and sometimes cutting) humor. All in good fun, not truly being cruel, of course. And a challenging debate or two always helps, if you can hold your own. The INTJ's I know are so smart that I can hardly keep up with them in everyday conversation. It's kind of a thrill. Keeps me on my toes, anyway.

*Edit* I am not suggesting being fake to attract anybody, ever ... it would be stupid to try to engage in conversation and behavior that you don't enjoy and that's not genuine.
 
Last edited:

Jgib5328

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INTJ
To get into my heart, you have to show continued interest and I have to feel interest in you, it's pretty simple.
 

Wiley45

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
669
MBTI Type
INFP
To get into my heart, you have to show continued interest and I have to feel interest in you, it's pretty simple.

Do you think it would be helpful for people to understand what things you find interesting (or not interesting) about another person? For example, a lot of people with my personality probably are attracted to kindness when we see someone else exhibiting it. If someone wanted to make a good impression on an INFP, then, it might help to understand how we typically view things and what qualities we value. Obviously it's annoying if someone fakes any quality simply to attract someone, but if one doesn't know an INTJ person well and wants to pique his/her interest, might it help to identify shared values?
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
Of course you would. Who wouldn't? It's called manipulation or a slightly better way to put it would be, seduction. But if you really want to get what you want...

The moment INTJ sense you're manipulating them... it's buh bye relationship. :dont:

The thought that goes through their minds when they sense you're being manipulative is "Oh you think you can? I'll show you that you can't." Even if they did develop some feelings for you, it'll be smuttered.

You want to challenge them, not threaten their sense of self. INTJ's sense of self is highly dependent on feeling that they're competent and are the master of their own ship.

Challenge them by doing something as well or perhaps even better than they can in an area that matters to them. At the same time acknowledge their skills in their area of expertise. Don't gush... just tip your hat to them.

Actually this will probably work for any NT. ;)
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
I get into thier hearts by showing my truest simpliest side. It's like pure innocent feeling. I just overflow with it like a little feeling glow torch and I sit and listen to them teach me about whatever it is they know about.


Funny, I can be more honest about Fi with an INTJ than with any other type, as they sort of bask in it and are fascinated in it. They bring out the child in me and I can't be mean to them at all as they are so alone sometimes, and it makes me sad and want to be with them. I can make them smile when they are totally in the dumps.
 

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
You are totally selling me on INTJ... AWWWWW.... That's the sweetest... INTJs where are you!!!
 

Wiley45

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
669
MBTI Type
INFP
If I am overly "feeling," the INTJ I'm closest to gets annoyed very quickly and says things like "oh, vomit" or leaves. :) But I can definitely agree that it's easy to be 100% honest with an INTJ, and I find it very refreshing that the ones I know seem to enjoy the blunt truth.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Mmmhmm, blunt truth should be a major food group. If I sense someone is withholding the truth from me it makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather know the truth, even if it is negative. :)
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,764
I want to explain my claims in the thread.

I have also said that you have to use this tactics to small extend. (that was the key part)

What I wanted to say with "Rude" is that if you are too polite INTJ could think you are too sensitive. I said rude but actually I was talking about self confidance.

As for playing distant. If you try to satisfy all of their wishes they could end up bored after some time. Since you don't provide challange.
INTJs prefer blunt conversations but the person must provide some level of challange in most cases for INTJ.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I don't think this strategy would ever work on me.



<- at this point, I'd propably shrug and move along without further hesitation. I have more than enough peers to tag along with, I wouldn't really care about the fact that she's ignoring me, even if I'd be interested in her. A few nice debates are rarely worth the price of engaging a tiresome social dogfight. On the other hand, I really like flirty and playful girls - if they're behaving naturally while still managing to "break through" my barriers... well, no more tricks are needed.

Interesting, mine was the same. He has plenty of guys online that he can talk to about his interests, and god knows I cannot keep up with his brain or his interests, but somehow he really enjoyed my flirty nature and the fact that I saw through him easily. Why is that, can you INTJs explain that?


I get into thier hearts by showing my truest simpliest side. It's like pure innocent feeling. I just overflow with it like a little feeling glow torch and I sit and listen to them teach me about whatever it is they know about.


Funny, I can be more honest about Fi with an INTJ than with any other type, as they sort of bask in it and are fascinated in it. They bring out the child in me and I can't be mean to them at all as they are so alone sometimes, and it makes me sad and want to be with them. I can make them smile when they are totally in the dumps.

I agree, I have the same experience. They look at you like you're this magical creature they've never seen before and you just wanna entertain them and keep that look going. It's intoxicating...and somewhat unnerving at the same time. I never understood why they are so accepting of our nature and enjoy basking in our craziness, but I love 'em for it :blush:
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
You mean the answer isn't good food in the belly? Well good food and good conversation...

INTJs are peculiar creatures... you don't choose them... they choose you. Once they got it in their minds that you're the right one, there's no shaking them off.

Hellz yeah! :D
 

Jgib5328

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INTJ
Do you think it would be helpful for people to understand what things you find interesting (or not interesting) about another person? For example, a lot of people with my personality probably are attracted to kindness when we see someone else exhibiting it. If someone wanted to make a good impression on an INFP, then, it might help to understand how we typically view things and what qualities we value. Obviously it's annoying if someone fakes any quality simply to attract someone, but if one doesn't know an INTJ person well and wants to pique his/her interest, might it help to identify shared values?

Yeah, definitely. I think it'd be helpful for a person to understand how I think and view things, and also what I find interesting. I tend to like people who I can connect with about something, more so than those that I cant. It'd also be really helpful if they exhibit traits that I find most appealing, like you said in your case, with liking it better when people act kindly.
 

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
So Amar... I know that there has been many other threads about this but is ENFP / INTJ really a good match... I am surprised that they are sooo accepting of our silliness... But I have had similar experiences with them also.. Usually they are known by others as being quite stern almost difficult characters but the two in particualr I am thinking of have always been so sweet with me to make me think that popele had got them wrong or something.. Or maybe they are just humouring me :D
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I have given this serious thought, and I believe the answer is:

Cleavage.
 
Top