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Thread: Way to an INTJ's heart?

  1. #61
    Magical Array BlackCat's Avatar
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    It takes time, they have to trust you. Show that you care, take interest in them, you will know when they open up to you. YOU WILL KNOW. When they open up to you they show insane amounts of care. They aren't all cold hearted.
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  2. #62
    Senior Member Array sonata's Avatar
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    Don't play hard to get. If you do, the INTJ will decide that having feelings for you is not worth the time commitment / potential emotional yuck that could follow from your rejection. I'm pretty good at overriding any feelings I might have for a person if I decide that it isn't worth it.

    Be persistent. Become friendly first; I will not respond to openly sexual comments until we've had a few good conversations about something else. Friendly teasing is usually cool. Make us laugh. Experiment. As people who make stupid comments in social situations all the time, we will rarely judge you permanently for one stupid thing you say. I'm pretty willing to write things off if most of what you say is intelligent (and you can be intelligent in a variety of ways) and fun.

    The people I've dated / been interested in have all been people who I didn't really like at first (I don't like very many people at first) but I gave them a chance and they won me over to their quirks and charm and got me to trust their intentions.

    That's how to get an INTJ to like you --- I'm not sure how to win one's heart. The most anyone's been able to do with me is see it, and temporarily borrow a small piece.

  3. #63
    Content. Content? Array DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It takes time, they have to trust you. Show that you care, take interest in them, you will know when they open up to you. YOU WILL KNOW. When they open up to you they show insane amounts of care. They aren't all cold hearted.
    QFE.
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  4. #64
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    In my experience, a bit of "cold hearted," sarcastic, witty banter can help attract an INTJ. I don't think it's a literal cold heartedness, but more of a limitation on emotional emphasis in favor of some brainy (and sometimes cutting) humor. All in good fun, not truly being cruel, of course. And a challenging debate or two always helps, if you can hold your own. The INTJ's I know are so smart that I can hardly keep up with them in everyday conversation. It's kind of a thrill. Keeps me on my toes, anyway.

    *Edit* I am not suggesting being fake to attract anybody, ever ... it would be stupid to try to engage in conversation and behavior that you don't enjoy and that's not genuine.
    Last edited by Wiley45; 04-08-2009 at 12:55 PM.

  5. #65
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    To get into my heart, you have to show continued interest and I have to feel interest in you, it's pretty simple.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lasting_Pain View Post
    The only way you are getting to an INTJ's heart is if you are a certified surgeon.
    (Or a serial killer.)

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jgib5328 View Post
    To get into my heart, you have to show continued interest and I have to feel interest in you, it's pretty simple.
    Do you think it would be helpful for people to understand what things you find interesting (or not interesting) about another person? For example, a lot of people with my personality probably are attracted to kindness when we see someone else exhibiting it. If someone wanted to make a good impression on an INFP, then, it might help to understand how we typically view things and what qualities we value. Obviously it's annoying if someone fakes any quality simply to attract someone, but if one doesn't know an INTJ person well and wants to pique his/her interest, might it help to identify shared values?

  8. #68
    ish red no longer *sad* Array nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Of course you would. Who wouldn't? It's called manipulation or a slightly better way to put it would be, seduction. But if you really want to get what you want...
    The moment INTJ sense you're manipulating them... it's buh bye relationship.

    The thought that goes through their minds when they sense you're being manipulative is "Oh you think you can? I'll show you that you can't." Even if they did develop some feelings for you, it'll be smuttered.

    You want to challenge them, not threaten their sense of self. INTJ's sense of self is highly dependent on feeling that they're competent and are the master of their own ship.

    Challenge them by doing something as well or perhaps even better than they can in an area that matters to them. At the same time acknowledge their skills in their area of expertise. Don't gush... just tip your hat to them.

    Actually this will probably work for any NT.
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  9. #69
    Senior Member Array Wild horses's Avatar
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    AWWWW I like that advice Nightning
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  10. #70

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    I get into thier hearts by showing my truest simpliest side. It's like pure innocent feeling. I just overflow with it like a little feeling glow torch and I sit and listen to them teach me about whatever it is they know about.


    Funny, I can be more honest about Fi with an INTJ than with any other type, as they sort of bask in it and are fascinated in it. They bring out the child in me and I can't be mean to them at all as they are so alone sometimes, and it makes me sad and want to be with them. I can make them smile when they are totally in the dumps.

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