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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Sorry, enough with the stereotypes. I'm an ENTP and you saw what I wrote above. We are not devoid of understanding personal value systems.
    Yeah, but still.

  2. #12
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemons View Post
    Yeah, but still.
    Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for you input.

  3. #13
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    This is a weird one, the fact they never met for 2 years suggests this is almost child abuse. A 26 year old with a 14 year old isn't right, and verges on pedophelia.

    At 14 is not mature enough, no doubt she provides emotional security of a semi parent type figure rather than a girl friend.

    your teen years are for exploring relationships in their wider context. The boy is missing out on vital growing experiences of relating and caring about someone who is a true mate.

    She is the adult and is morally and legally in the wrong. More to the point, what is wrong with her that a teenager fullfils her - she has issues clearly.

    Society gives rules which are acceptable to them mass, this is why the age of consent is what it is. Some cultures are more open minded but laws are created to protect the weaker party.

    Can't really help with your argument.

    Lis

  4. #14
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    The fact that it started almost 2 years prior, when the child was about 14, is what raises serious red flags. That's a high school freshman.
    How did they meet?

    Personally I don't think there's much wrong with the relationship during then. I've not heard much about emotional abuse from a strictly romantic relationship, most of the abuse/explotation problem is when sex is involved. These people waited until he was legal. Perhaps the boy should have been a little older before making the decision but he isn't void of emotional understanding, and besides all of this contributes to maturity. It's just not in a conventional way. It's still a pathway to growth though.

  5. #15
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    Personally I don't think there's much wrong with the relationship during then. I've not heard much about emotional abuse from a strictly romantic relationship, most of the abuse/explotation problem is when sex is involved. These people waited until he was legal. Perhaps the boy should have been a little older before making the decision but he isn't void of emotional understanding, and besides all of this contributes to maturity. It's just not in a conventional way. It's still a pathway to growth though.
    I see it so differently. An adult can manipulate a child to do whatever, sex is not the point. What about that vicious mother that harassed a girl on myspace, pretending to be a young boy, leading to the girl's suicide? Ok, you can argue that the adult didn't kill her, but my point is that a child that age is easily manipulated and has no defenses against a person with a longer life experience. It's abuse. When they began communicating, the woman was about twice his age. Don't you remember those hormonal years, where everything was so confusing and urgent?

  6. #16
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I see it so differently. An adult can manipulate a child to do whatever, sex is not the point. What about that vicious mother that harassed a girl on myspace, pretending to be a young boy, leading to the girl's suicide? Ok, you can argue that the adult didn't kill her, but my point is that a child that age is easily manipulated and has no defenses against a person with a longer life experience. It's abuse.
    As callous as this may sound. However the girl herself was already suffering from emotional abuse from her family via lack of support. The harrassment from the other mother was additional but granted final pushing factor. I wouldn't say all responsibility falls on the faking mother.

    That's like saying it's your fault completely if someone commits suicide, assuming you have a messy breakup. A child could have done what that mother did, it's just that the person so happened to be an adult in this case.

    Besides it's hardly comparable. You're using an extreme case where the adult has an obvious hatred based agenda in comparison to one that is a loving based agenda. Although I suppose you'll always see the adult as exploiting the child, when it could have been genuine love for the child. We'll have to agree to disagree there.

    When they began communicating, the woman was about twice his age. Don't you remember those hormonal years, where everything was so confusing and urgent?
    Yes...
    What about them? He'll still experience growth just not conventially. It's like saying: Children who were forced to work hard and become good at sports, while sacrificing other aspects of their life are being emotionally abused.

    I doubt the teenage child is going to look back on this event and think "Oh my life was ruined. It's a loving stable relationship."

  7. #17
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    I'm sure there's plenty of worse things happening out there. Why the need to be morality police? I'm sure there's some 16 year olds out there who would be much better off having a 28 year old girlfriend than they would be getting abused by their parents, trying to kill themselves, or becoming addicted to heroin. So I say screw it. I'm not going to tear up about something like this. Maybe they will break up like most people do, or maybe they'll stay together and be happy long enough to give all the close minded people some more ways to make their own lives more complicated. Pain can come from anything in life, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. #18
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    As callous as this may sound. However the girl herself was already suffering from emotional abuse from her family via lack of support. The harrassment from the other mother was additional but granted final pushing factor. I wouldn't say all responsibility falls on the faking mother.
    I never said that the mother forced the child to suicide, just illustrating what depths a fragile young mind can sink to at the hands of a manipulative adult. I agree about lack of family support, which is why I suggested that the child's parents be informed of this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    I doubt the teenage child is going to look back on this event and think "Oh my life was ruined. It's a loving stable relationship."
    Don't know how stable or loving it is, but I can guess that he'll look back on it and will think it was creepy, at best. Again, would you feel this way if a 26 year old man formed a romantic relationship with a 14 year old girl? A kid barely out of junior high? Can you truly see nothing disturbing about that? And furthermore, this woman encouraging a child to sneak around and lie to his parents for 2 years is not responsible, healthy behavior for a normal adult. She clearly has mental issues and is clearly unstable. They catch people like this on television shows for a reason.

    At the very least his parents should know about this (or any girlfriend), even if you don't think it's morally or legally wrong for the relationship to continue.

  9. #19
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I actually know of a girl, who at 14, met a man on the internet in a chat room. He disclosed his true age (40), and they formed some sort of relationship which carried on for more than a year. The girl was truly in love. They decided to meet, at a motel, and they had sex. When the girl became pregnant, she had to tell her parents, who then freaked out. When all was said and done, the man was arrested, and it came out that he was an ex-convict (sexual predator) currently wanted in 2 states for the same damn thing. Even presented with this proof the girl stood by her man, claiming love. It wasn't until she saw the actual emails to the other girls, the same ones he sent her with only the names replaced, did she finally understand how she was manipulated and coerced. She ended up not having the baby, but does have a case of herpes to remind her constantly (and yes, she could've gotten that from another teen - age has nothing to do with it). She is 19 now and is still very scarred from this. But if you had asked her at 14 or 15 if she was happy, she would have said yes.

  10. #20
    Senior Member dga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Petite Etoile View Post
    i know someone who is a 28 year old woman dating a 16 year old boy in a different state.
    niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

    lucky dude. i feel sorry for the chick when the guy graduates off to college and puts his late 20s romance toy behind him.

    either that and they are both freakshows for waiting 2 years just to freaking meet, but i think the first will still hold in a couple years.

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