One of my closest friends is an INTP girl.
I keep a LOT to myself, regarding my thoughts, life, and things I do, or want to do.
Somehow she's managed to become my partner in crime.
I feel like I can talk with her about anything. There's no possibility of offending her; she never passes judgement. Only listens. Asks questions. Which force me to ask myself the same ones. Offers perspective, and is a bottomless well of ideas.
We can wander around downtown for hours, just talking about anything and nothing, coming up with schemes and theories and random connections through and between it all. We're never bored.. and as private as we both tend to be, we rarely need breaks from hanging out.. I guess it's just that unspoken need for one's own space, and respect of others. No one's ever imposing upon the other by nature.
We're both typically broke as shit, but everytime we hang out, that doesn't stop us from finding something new and interesting to do, see, think of/talk about.
She's incredibly easygoing and spontaneous, which is a great combination.. she lived at my house for a month or so last year, and we were always going off to see live bands, art shows, etc.. and although she was more free and unplanned, she never had an issue if she had to wait for me to get through with certain obligations I had, or routines, being the more orderly sort.. (my ESFP friend, on the other hand is far less patient.) My INTP friend is off in her own head a lot more, I suppose, so she's entertaining herself to some degree, no matter what she's doing, so, waiting around is less of a tax on her, whereas the ESFP seems to need external stimuli NOW :rolli:. Her patience is something I definitely appreciate, but ofc don't expect from all of my friends.
We people-watch a lot, when we go to crowded places. Oftentimes I'll catch a moment between two strangers and laugh at some subtle, odd thing going on between them, and I'll glance over to find my INTP friend smirking at the same thing..
We seem to naturally know how to be supportive of one another's insecurities without being terribly overt in pointing them out. She has a tendency, from time to time, to get worked up... I suppose her Ti just goes crazy. She overthinks everything she does or sees, or wants to do, or compares her abilities or capacity to others. She gets overwhelmed and feels inept and useless. She freely shares these thoughts/feelings with me, and I'm able to counter the thoughts that lead her to those conclusions, & shift her perspective/line of thinking back into a more positive/adaptive direction. She tends to feel confident and optimistic afterward.
This can also apply to social situations.. she may suddenly become very anxious and need to go for a walk if she's out at a party. Sometimes she'll give me a call. [that's become rare these days] She feels like an alien, doesn't know how to interact with people, doesn't know what she should say or do, wonders why it's so hard.. Often, it seems like she's internally at war with wanting to remain a detached observer; not wanting to compromise the research by becoming a variable herself through interacting.. but then also wanting.. to connect, as, naturally, on some level we all wish to connect with others. I just try to explain that there is no 'should'.. everyone's different, that there isn't anything wrong or defective with her just observing if that's what she wants to do, and interacting only when she feels inclined to do so, and has something to say. Yes, there are social standards and rituals people follow, but if you don't identify with those, don't force it, and make yourself more uncomfortable.. not in a casual setting at least.. if it's for a job, etc, that's different, but it's moreover the casual settings that throw her off. [I'm sort of paraphrasing here for space. Terribly.]
When we hang out in social settings together, and she gets overwhelmed or uncomfortable with people, I tend to serve as the person who greases the wheels in those situations. I'm pretty reserved myself, but I naturally take the lead in situations where I feel I can do the most good. Fe, I suppose. My secondary function is her inferior, so it makes sense that I'd be helpful for her in that context.
That said, she's helped me in a lot of ways, probably more than she realizes, though I try to make her aware. Her dominant function is my tertiary, and I believe just spending time with her, and just being able to openly share ideas alone has helped me to further develop my Ti, and improve on objective reasoning.
I also have issues with caring for, to unhealthy excess, people who are toxic for me. People who do not deserve my care. She has often been a quiet voice of reason in that mess. Never forceful. Questioning the motives of others, analyzing concepts. Questioning my reasons for giving. And I've so needed that perspective. I honestly don't know where I'd be, if I didn't have at least, that one objective observer standing by. It's that subtlety I found most supportive, and that indirect assistance. I needed to be forced to step back to see it for myself.
She, and my INFP friend as well, have helped me learn how to enjoy the present. Strategy is always useful.. but the present moments, cumulatively, are the cornerstones to the foundations of those castles I build up in the sky.
So to put it plainly, and to steal from the Type Relationships section on the typelogic.com page, we each have an area of insight that the other lacks.
So, for this INFJ.. that makes for a stable, dynamic & purely kickass friendship.
I miss her, she moved away.
