[NT] I'm positive I have an NT soulmate?

[soleil]

Sequentially or simultaneously?

Hmm good question. I have no idea. Perhaps simultaneously? Lol, I really do hate how it's portrayed in movies. Subtract all the goony goo goo stuff & it's just two people connecting on a deeper level. I haven't experienced this type of connection much though.

 

[soleil]

I think it has to do with the fact that there is no such thing as a soul and if there was it wouldn't have a mate.

Love is just a pair bond evolved to keep couples together long enough to raise offspring.

Interesting. So as an NT, do you believe in a mindmate?

 

[pockets]

(Edit: Ref the bits about the use of the term 'soulmate')
Mmm so I'm not alone in not liking that word, but let's try not to reduce this argument to semantics. 'Soulmate', as a word, has rather unfortunate associations.
Did you mean something like a 'kindred spirit' (like in Anne of Green Gables)?
If so, there is a lot of material around about NT-NF compatibility (which I usually interpret as potential, rather than destiny). Yeah.

(and aren't we all off our oscillatory rockers to varying degrees of displacement )

NT Conceptualist to NF Idealist
Marriage to an Idealist is probably the best option for a Conceptualist. NTs and NFs share an abiding interest in the abstract, internal world, and so can find with each other a companionship of ideas, a mutual love of insights and concepts, even a similar fluency for the abstract language, that bonds them securely. At the same time, NFs bring a personal warmth to their relationships which appeals to the analytical, self controlled NTs, and helps them put aside their work and take time for a personal life.

Conflicts, of course, are inherent in all relationships, and even so with the NT-NF relationship. If sharing ideas with an NT means arguing over definitions, logical categories, and necessary consequences, it is onerous to NFs, who are willing to engage in such debates for a short period of time, and only if the discussion remains friendly. And conflict between the NTs cool resistance to showing emotion and the NFs desire for emotional expressiveness is an endless problem in their relationships, though one that usually overshadowed by these two temperaments' rare compatibality.

Conceptualists

 

[Lady_X]

i think it's just a more romanticized way of looking at it...for a spiritual person, it's lovely to think that you found the person you were meant to find...having the life you were meant to have...it's the idealist nature to feel that way, i believe...but that doesn't mean they think it has to be effortless...not at all.

i don't believe in "soul mate" in the traditional sense but i think certain people come into your life for a reason.

 

[Nocapszy]

So, I've been thinking. The idea of a soul mate is the wrong way to think about love. I feel that what people who believe in it really want is easy love, a relationship characterized by effortlessness. This is juvenile.

What a joke. All this does is to show weakness in a different way.
In this life you can be either demanding, or selective.

Demanding on yourself and your significant other. Demanding to make a fake relationship work.

It's like making a square peg fit into a round hole. You're going to have to carve your peg. Or your hole.
Don't get carried away with the metaphor.

This never, or at best rarely works, because people are weak and they always run out of energy.

Being selective, on the other hand, requires just as much hard work during the screening process, only that it's easier to maintain your fervor because there's always the constant reminder of loneliness to kick you in the ass.

But soul mates... yeah soul mates are a joke of an idea too.

 

[Lexicon]

It's a well known fact that the INFJ's ate their souls.

mmm. NT souls..

 

[527468]

This is the internet... so yes, I do have a soul...

 

[pockets]

It's a well known fact that the INFJ's ate their souls.

And developed symptoms of acute food poisoning right after.

 

[Winds of Thor]

i don't know...you look really young...live a little...you'll find them.

haha..that's funny!

 

[Winds of Thor]

It's a well known fact that NTs don't have souls.

Hey

 

[ReadingRainbows]

mmm. NT souls..

 

[Frank]

So, I've been thinking. The idea of a soul mate is the wrong way to think about love. I feel that what people who believe in it really want is easy love, a relationship characterized by effortlessness. This is juvenile.

I believe that attraction, connection, communication, trust, development, and resources determine the success of healthy relationships. And, they all require a surprising amount of mutual commitment and effort to gain and maintain.

If someone told me they thought we were soul mates, prior to engagement, I would consider that person off their rocker. I don't want to date someone who believes a relationship should be effortless. I wouldn't trust them to be there when effort is required.

seconded

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

So, I've been thinking. The idea of a soul mate is the wrong way to think about love. I feel that what people who believe in it really want is easy love, a relationship characterized by effortlessness. This is juvenile.

I believe that attraction, connection, communication, trust, development, and resources determine the success of healthy relationships. And, they all require a surprising amount of mutual commitment and effort to gain and maintain.

If someone told me they thought we were soul mates, prior to engagement, I would consider that person off their rocker. I don't want to date someone who believes a relationship should be effortless. I wouldn't trust them to be there when effort is required.

You have made good observations here, but be sure you know what the person means when they say "soul mate". It might be based on the same principle you describe here, but it is also possible that the effort part is assumed and the magical part gives it a sense of personal significance. When I was younger, I was quite ideal about the idea of falling in love and thought of finding a soul-mate, and even wished/imagined we already had some type of intangible connection, etc. I was already working really hard on the relationship before it even started. I was motivated for self improvement, wanting to be the right person. I never assumed it would be easy, but that it would have meaning and significance. That was an oversimplification of reality because it was a fragmented view of an idealized connection and a direct reaction to feeling isolated from people.

My point is that these kinds of ideas are easily misunderstood and it is important to really know what the other person means when they choose their particular words.

 

[SillySapienne]

Why an NT?

Why so certain?

And, why limit your options?

I think my soulmate would be an IESNTFPJ.

*bats lashes*

Come hither, boys.

 

[Rangler]

i don't believe in "soul mate" in the traditional sense but i think certain people come into your life for a reason.

I agree, maybe strangely, that certain people come into your life for a reason. Though, I feel often people misjudge the reason due to infatuation, which is not the same as spiritual sensitivity. IMHO.

 

[Rangler]

You have made good observations here, but be sure you know what the person means when they say "soul mate". It might be based on the same principle you describe here, but it is also possible that the effort part is assumed and the magical part gives it a sense of personal significance. When I was younger, I was quite ideal about the idea of falling in love and thought of finding a soul-mate, and even wished/imagined we already had some type of intangible connection, etc. I was already working really hard on the relationship before it even started. I was motivated for self improvement, wanting to be the right person. I never assumed it would be easy, but that it would have meaning and significance. That was an oversimplification of reality because it was a fragmented view of an idealized connection and a direct reaction to feeling isolated from people.

My point is that these kinds of ideas are easily misunderstood and it is important to really know what the other person means when they choose their particular words.

Fair enough. But really, when, if ever have you heard some one talk about how the look forward to finding their soul mate because it will make their life more complicated and require massive commitment and sacrifice. People are really consistent at ignoring these facts, to the point where they are excluded from the common definition of soul mate. Just ask any 10 year old girl about the definition of soul mate, and you will find the exact and complete definition that society markets.... and they lived happily ever after...

 

[Costrin]

Just ask any 10 year old girl about the definition of soul mate, and you will find the exact and complete definition that society markets.

Hmm... does this apply to other words as well? I see much humour potential in this.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Fair enough. But really, when, if ever have you heard some one talk about how the look forward to finding their soul mate because it will make their life more complicated and require massive commitment and sacrifice. People are really consistent at ignoring these facts, to the point where they are excluded from the common definition of soul mate. Just ask any 10 year old girl about the definition of soul mate, and you will find the exact and complete definition that society markets.... and they lived happily ever after...

That does make sense when it is the fairy tale approach and I believe that can happen, however, that ten year old hasn't gone through puberty and is now an adolescent/adult physically and emotionally attached to this "soul-mate". She by her stage in development at 10 has no idea what the word means. Although, I will mention that as a child NF I felt a special attachment to another child around age 9 and dreamed of being together every day for the next few years. I sat in the top of my apple tree and wrote about him and felt loneliness for not being together. It's better to not underestimate NF attachment.

Consider that there can also be a problem for NF types to work too hard on a relationship. Even a bad scenario is idealized and sacrificed for to unhealthy extremes. I've seen so many examples irl when the soul-mate is assumed to be worth any sacrifice because they are uniquely connected amongst the six billion people on earth, etc. My concern is this is the more likely problem that can emerge for the INFJ type when they use the term, not an assumption to just glide along without effort. For those people who describe difficulty forming meaningful connections with others, and yet desire this above all else, the risk for over-valuing an intimate connection is rather high. I think it is less likely that an INFJ needs to "work harder" on relationships, but rather needs to be wise enough to know when to quit because the connection is not magical and unique within the universe. However, if the idea of a "soul-mate" makes a person with such an inclination more selective initially, it is a positive thing.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Actually, a lot of NT's have a secret mushy center that doesn't mind the idea of a 'soulmate' in my experience

Dangit Amargith! There you go blowing our cover again.

I do believe that a person can have more than one 'soulmate'.

I do as well, but for me I guess a 'soulmate' is someone who alters you on a fundamental level. A person you feel truly whole with, as if you've known them for many lives before and will meet again and again in lives to come. I've only felt it once. Hoping I'm right about the 'more than one' theory.

 

[Nocapszy]

Come hither, boys.

Why a boy?

Why so certain?

And why limit your options?


Here's a tip: don't put a question mark after a statement of disapproval. It just looks weak/unscrupulously manipulative.