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  1. #11
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    Maybe the answer lies with what ceecee suggests, an instant 180 of self to other that we can't even begin to phatom given our understanding of self, but, it comes regardless?
    I've wondered that, too. And I have often thought that having kids, for me, would be largely an act of faith, since I've never had a burning desire for them, but I know that I would be one of those insane mothers that thinks everything their kids does is brilliant and hilarious.
    Something Witty

  2. #12
    Senior Member groovejet02's Avatar
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    Beh. Mothers are mothers, rationalists or not. They have good intentions but they ultimately fuck you up!

  3. #13
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by groovejet02 View Post
    Beh. Mothers are mothers, rationalists or not. They have good intentions but they ultimately fuck you up!
    My mother lifted me up, celebrated my quirks, fueled my curiosity, and, didn't think too badly of my P-ness. She had infinite patience with me as a child. Each meal was a 2hrs long process, with at least 5-6 fairy tales told for each, with me promising to swallow if she could just again tell me, "how did the turkey gobble at the ugly duckling?" She showed me the beauty of art, in all its messy (in thought and action) glory.

    She is an INFP, a very strong one, so, as I grew older, I sometimes had to 'mother' her. By retrieving the hairbrush from the freezer. Or turn over-protective because someone found her beautiful daydreaming self to be an easy target to pick on. Or when my dad employed logic to counter her valid points and all she could give at the moment was emotions, I helped her word her case to be able to play in the field of logic. But, never did any of these things 'fuck me up'.

    I sometimes actually feel that I need to resolve to love my mother more. Then, I think on it and realize: impossible.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I've wondered that, too. And I have often thought that having kids, for me, would be largely an act of faith, since I've never had a burning desire for them, but I know that I would be one of those insane mothers that thinks everything their kids does is brilliant and hilarious.
    Me too! Then again, it's because I can find *something* about someone that's gold and run with it.

    All my jobs as a student have either been with the old or the young. Seniors' home to daycares. But, only kids old enough to be potty-trained. :P

    I love kids. And animals. We have a lot of fun together. No one else is willing to indulge in silliness and play as them. For no other reason, than, 'just cuz'. And, for this reason alone, I would love kids. Playmates forever!!! (I just finished an intense game of hide-and-seek with my roomie's 2 kitties and now they're passed out on my bed, HA! i outlasted them).

    I have also been trained and worked for a few years with children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. And, this was one of the greatest revelation in how to interact, when the other speaks a completely different language than me. And, to meet in the middleground (even though I've been pissed on, chunks of hair pulled, bitten). There's this 'joy' in connecting.

    So, I'd say I have a pretty souped up resume and motivation to want kids...but....

    Tenderness.

    I can give hugs and kisses cuz they're just so cute, but, often it's one of the last thoughts. First is engagement, inquiry, play, some basic semblance of daily living skills (solely to be able to partake in the former 3)....and after it all, tenderness.

    Which my mother had in spades. As the first things she could give. And, maybe I'm buying too much into the 'coldness' of NT, but, I don't want my children to be missing out because their mother doesn't always think about tenderness.

  5. #15
    Junior Member EmilyEccentric's Avatar
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    I have an ENTP mom, and man is she crazy!! Taking us on field trips and making us do things like kayaking and learning how to ski...can't she let me and my brothers be in peace!?

    But I love my mom, although she often misplaces things, which is the butt of many jokes, unfortunately.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    ^ Oooh, what do you wish you saw more of from your ENTP mom?

  7. #17
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    My mum is an INTJ and she was always like a good friend for me, I can talk to her about almost anything.

    Her mum is an ESTJ which didn't work out very well, my mum still feels like my gran just never "got her" and is too controlling.

    My mum showed me her love by giving me a lot of freedom, I have more or less always done what I wanted (which worked fine with me since I was a thoughtful, well-behaved child that wasn't interested in parties, boys etc.).

    Me and my brother are both introverts (my brother is an INTP) so I was actually happy that my I-mum didn't bother me too much but gave me my own space. She has also always bought me a lot of books and tried to foster my intellectual capabilities. I am very thankful to her for that.

    Though I was never a kid to make stupid, imprudent decisions I sometimes wish she would have given me a bit less independence and not trusted that much in my innate ability to know what is the right thing to do. But if I would have to choose between SJ control and NT independence I would choose the NT parenting approach every time! (And to be quite honest, if she would have told me what to do I would have done it my way anyway > INFJ inner stubborness and independent streak)

    My mum also has a hidden emotional side that would especially come to the surface with me, "her flesh and blood". If I would come home a bit too late she would be very worried, she wouldn't make a scene or anything but she would be definitely worried that something had happened to me. She also really loves me but never in a very showy way, the signals are more subtle. Actually with age she has become a bit more emotional and demonstrative in her affections, she told me I taught her about emotions and how to reach people by letting her feelings show (for example complementing someone or stroking the hand of someone who is upset etc > things that are natural to me as a major Fe user but that she had to learn over the years)

    Yes, as a NT mum I think you will love your kids simply because they are your kids (after all you have not just your brain but also your ovaries for a reason ) and you will probably be more easy-going with them then other parents but you have to be careful that you don't give them too much independence, you are their partent and not their older sister and they are at the end of the day just children with much less life experience than yourself. Don't be afraid to put your foot down, as an NT you will thankfully be discerning enough to know when that is actually truly necessary.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    Which my mother had in spades. As the first things she could give. And, maybe I'm buying too much into the 'coldness' of NT, but, I don't want my children to be missing out because their mother doesn't always think about tenderness.

    I think you may be. I don't lack tenderness with my children or children in general. When mine were little my favorite thing was cuddling with them every morning. They always slept in their own rooms all night but morning cuddling was the best. On weekends we'd watch tv and have breakfast in bed. Lots of hugs and kisses, that's still the rule most every night. I think having kids changes you, maybe fosters those things you might have lacked or felt you lacked such as tenderness. But none of the people closest to me would see a deficit here.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #19
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    My Mom is an intp. Growing up her and I butted heads alot. I was too strong-willed for her liking and didn't fall into place quite like my brother (enfp?) or sister es/nfj. She wasn't overly affectionate and though I know she did now, I would often wonder if she loved me. This could also be a middle child thing more than a type thing though. One thing that always drove me crazy was her lack of domestic skills. The house was always much messier than I liked. The one area we always did connect on was our philosophical "debates". Although we often held different opinions we both enjoyed the verbal back and forth.

    Now that I'm older we get along much better. I know I still drive her crazy with my strong-willed "my way" approach to life and she still pisses me of when doubting my plans or ability to accomplish them but we now have an appreciation for each other's ways and even a slight admiration.

  10. #20
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    My mom is an INTJ and probably the most compassionate person I have ever known. She encouraged me in all of my interests, and supported me through all of my failures. She can get inside other peoples heads (including mine) which drives me batty occasionally, but she has the best intentions.

    She taught me how to pick locks, hot-wire vehicles, tie rope-knots, untie rope-knots, climb trees, identify different kinds of rocks, identify types of clouds and weather formations, track constellations and planet movements, play classical guitar, tap dance, catch fish, garden, fix anything and everything, install appliances, find balance and insult people in appropriate and humourous ways.

    If I end up half as courageous, determined and gracious as her, I will have turned out just fine.
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

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