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  1. #81
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    Interesting to see this thread pop up almost five years after I last posted in it. My thoughts have really, really changed on much of this as follows:

    Types I see as a plus, have done well with, see long term potential in:

    ENTP (1 of 2 I'm most interested in for long term)
    ENFP (2 of 2 I'm most interested in for long term)
    ESTP (I have dated a couple, awesome people and relationships, a slight compromise in intellectual banter, I hit the ball, they really don't hit it back)
    INTJ (I have always done very, very well with them, I value them, their perspective and never had an issue, I lived with an INTJ for awhile, no issues, we both valued our space, it was a healthy dynamic)
    INTP (I have always gotten along with them, never dated one, I'm more than open to it but an intimate dynamic isn't something I have a working understanding of)

    Types I'm curious about and open to further exploring:

    ENTJ (Haven't dated, I have some concerns that would require more feeling out, it would be dependent on levels of respect and support in our lifestyle difference)
    ENFJ (I've known many, the 20 something versions were a handful but they seem to mature well and I could see the dynamic working)
    ISTJ (I really appreciate them, a lot, I'm just not sure how bored I would get, I have know some very solid, mature ISTJs and I respect all that they are which I am not, I also know what needs they wouldn't meet for me)
    ISTP (I dated one, not a big enough sample to choose from, she was a lot to handle for most but very tame for me)
    INFP (Damn that Ne/Ne is sexy as hell, INFPs seem to come in two flavors, those I'm really attracted to and those I'm not even remotely attracted to, maybe dependent on how avoidant they are)
    ISFP (Again, a type I value for what I'm not, it's been a long time since I have dated one so this is a big maybe for me, I could however see myself happy with a sweet homesteading hippy girl)

    Types that I have no interest in and would be instantly friend zoned:

    INFJ (I have dated, slept with, known, and been interested in what I'd venture to say is more than any other person in this group, this horse is beat to death and it just doesn't work for me)
    ISFJ (I'm scared of them, I don't feel like I could even get to know one well enough to make an informed choice without her expecting me to propose, they seem to get more bitter with age too)
    ESFJ (Lacking the connection I need but not like it is with an ISTJ, ESFJ just feels like a roommate I'm sleeping with)
    ESFP (I don't know what it is about them but I have never found it to be a good fit, I've dated a couple, I don't trust them, communication issues, just not for me)
    ESTJ (Never even been interested in one so they're here on my list, I guess it feels like a compromise of all things needed for me, no single area that appeals to me)


    This list is a result of maturity on my end and would have differed when I was younger, I do feel I could date any type, because of the changes within that allow me to value and accept the different things each person has to offer, because of my lack of attachment to them being a certain way, because of me not having expectations for them. 20 years ago I sought balance in the areas I'm weak, as I grow, my openness to differences also grows as I no longer need my partner to be something I'm lacking nor to I fear the aspects of them I fear within myself.

  2. #82
    Member Aurora James's Avatar
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    ENTJ - ISTJ
    ENTP - ES_P
    INTJ - I__J
    INTP - IN_J
    4w5 so/sp - 5w4 sx/so - 9w1 sp/sx
    Fi>Ne>Ni>Si>Ti >Fe>Te>Se
    Phlegmatic/Melancholic
    Sensitive

  3. #83
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baccheion View Post
    Given that I frequently hear of INTJs with ENFJs and INTPs with ENFPs (and INFJs), I'll generalize that combination:

    ENTJ: ISTJ and ENFP
    ENTP: ENFJ and INFP
    INTJ: ENFJ and INFP
    INTP: INFJ and ENFP

    Regardless of how well these relationships last, they seem to be very common and begin very quickly and naturally.
    There are not many ENFJ-INFP longterm partners/marriages... this pairing gets bandied about a lot but i don't think it's reflected in reality. yes, ENFJ-INFP happens sometimes, but more often than not it seems to meet a short end

    I see most INFPs end up with XXTJs, particularly ISTJs and INTJs

  4. #84
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samvega View Post
    Interesting to see this thread pop up almost five years after I last posted in it. My thoughts have really, really changed on much of this as follows:

    Types I see as a plus, have done well with, see long term potential in:

    ENTP (1 of 2 I'm most interested in for long term)
    ENFP (2 of 2 I'm most interested in for long term)
    ESTP (I have dated a couple, awesome people and relationships, a slight compromise in intellectual banter, I hit the ball, they really don't hit it back)
    INTJ (I have always done very, very well with them, I value them, their perspective and never had an issue, I lived with an INTJ for awhile, no issues, we both valued our space, it was a healthy dynamic)
    INTP (I have always gotten along with them, never dated one, I'm more than open to it but an intimate dynamic isn't something I have a working understanding of)

    Types I'm curious about and open to further exploring:

    ENTJ (Haven't dated, I have some concerns that would require more feeling out, it would be dependent on levels of respect and support in our lifestyle difference)
    ENFJ (I've known many, the 20 something versions were a handful but they seem to mature well and I could see the dynamic working)
    ISTJ (I really appreciate them, a lot, I'm just not sure how bored I would get, I have know some very solid, mature ISTJs and I respect all that they are which I am not, I also know what needs they wouldn't meet for me)
    ISTP (I dated one, not a big enough sample to choose from, she was a lot to handle for most but very tame for me)
    INFP (Damn that Ne/Ne is sexy as hell, INFPs seem to come in two flavors, those I'm really attracted to and those I'm not even remotely attracted to, maybe dependent on how avoidant they are)
    ISFP (Again, a type I value for what I'm not, it's been a long time since I have dated one so this is a big maybe for me, I could however see myself happy with a sweet homesteading hippy girl)

    Types that I have no interest in and would be instantly friend zoned:

    INFJ (I have dated, slept with, known, and been interested in what I'd venture to say is more than any other person in this group, this horse is beat to death and it just doesn't work for me)
    ISFJ (I'm scared of them, I don't feel like I could even get to know one well enough to make an informed choice without her expecting me to propose, they seem to get more bitter with age too)
    ESFJ (Lacking the connection I need but not like it is with an ISTJ, ESFJ just feels like a roommate I'm sleeping with)
    ESFP (I don't know what it is about them but I have never found it to be a good fit, I've dated a couple, I don't trust them, communication issues, just not for me)
    ESTJ (Never even been interested in one so they're here on my list, I guess it feels like a compromise of all things needed for me, no single area that appeals to me)


    This list is a result of maturity on my end and would have differed when I was younger, I do feel I could date any type, because of the changes within that allow me to value and accept the different things each person has to offer, because of my lack of attachment to them being a certain way, because of me not having expectations for them. 20 years ago I sought balance in the areas I'm weak, as I grow, my openness to differences also grows as I no longer need my partner to be something I'm lacking nor to I fear the aspects of them I fear within myself.
    interesting... why do you think relationships with INFJs didn't work out?

    and have you actually dated an INFP or are you just speculating

  5. #85
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    interesting... why do you think relationships with INFJs didn't work out?

    and have you actually dated an INFP or are you just speculating
    The short answer, I've found INFJs have more internal struggle, torment, and justifying that goes on than possibly any other type which results in behavior I don't find appealing for a deep, emotional connection. I think they're great at the things they're known at being great at but their intimate relationships is not one of those things. MLK, Jesus, Gandhi, (and note, they're all male INFJs, in fact, a disproportionate number of the famous ones are) they're well known for their humanitarian/civil rights work, compassion, empathy and so on but their actual relationships are not something they're known for and MLKs was said to be pretty awful. I'm not going to presume the why behind the INFJ behavior I simply know that it's rare to find a healthy INFJ and the healthy INFJs are know are too busy helping the world to prioritize a relationship.

    I've actually dated a fair number of INFPs (five seriously, three I lived with), one was a professor, one had a masters in engineering and architecture (used neither and instead did photography), one was an entrepreneur, one was still in school (floundering), and the other was a professional Domme. In all cases I did a poor job at the time of understanding their needs and being able to accommodate them and with the one I had the least issues with there were serious sexual compatibility issues.

  6. #86
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samvega View Post
    The short answer, I've found INFJs have more internal struggle, torment, and justifying that goes on than possibly any other type which results in behavior I don't find appealing for a deep, emotional connection. I think they're great at the things they're known at being great at but their intimate relationships is not one of those things. MLK, Jesus, Gandhi, (and note, they're all male INFJs, in fact, a disproportionate number of the famous ones are) they're well known for their humanitarian/civil rights work, compassion, empathy and so on but their actual relationships are not something they're known for and MLKs was said to be pretty awful. I'm not going to presume the why behind the INFJ behavior I simply know that it's rare to find a healthy INFJ and the healthy INFJs are know are too busy helping the world to prioritize a relationship.

    I've actually dated a fair number of INFPs (five seriously, three I lived with), one was a professor, one had a masters in engineering and architecture (used neither and instead did photography), one was an entrepreneur, one was still in school (floundering), and the other was a professional Domme. In all cases I did a poor job at the time of understanding their needs and being able to accommodate them and with the one I had the least issues with there were serious sexual compatibility issues.
    oh interesting. have you known any INFP 4w5s? i'm curious if you feel like they tend to have similar levels of torment. it also seems like INFJs have more satisfying longterm relationships than INFPs so i find it intriguing that you have a more negative opinion of INFJs

  7. #87
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    oh interesting. have you known any INFP 4w5s? i'm curious if you feel like they tend to have similar levels of torment. it also seems like INFJs have more satisfying longterm relationships than INFPs so i find it intriguing that you have a more negative opinion of INFJs
    Wait, you're telling me INFPs come in a variation other than 4w5? I'm clearly joking but I do think all but one were a 4 with the other being a 9, wing wise, not so sure, I wasn't into Enneagram as much at the time but I would guess two of them were 4w5 based on their professions or intellectual pursuits.

    I don't think INF anything is an easy road to walk, maybe it's harder for those types to be true to themselves in this world, maybe they worry too much about fitting in, pleasing others, maybe they second guess too much. I don't really know as that isn't my road to travel. I do know many INFPs in really wonderful, fulfilling relationships, I don't know a single INFJ in one though to people they aren't close to, that don't know the finer details or what they're struggling with their relationships would appear very, very solid and fulfilling. The INFJ is the type least happy in their romantic relationships though and others (myself included) that have dated them view them as unloyal or untrustworthy, I would never be surprised to hear an INFJ cheated. Of the INFPs I have dated on the other hand I would have been completely shocked to hear any of them ever cheated, I couldn't have even fathomed it.

  8. #88
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samvega View Post
    Wait, you're telling me INFPs come in a variation other than 4w5? I'm clearly joking but I do think all but one were a 4 with the other being a 9, wing wise, not so sure, I wasn't into Enneagram as much at the time but I would guess two of them were 4w5 based on their professions or intellectual pursuits.

    I don't think INF anything is an easy road to walk, maybe it's harder for those types to be true to themselves in this world, maybe they worry too much about fitting in, pleasing others, maybe they second guess too much. I don't really know as that isn't my road to travel. I do know many INFPs in really wonderful, fulfilling relationships, I don't know a single INFJ in one though to people they aren't close to, that don't know the finer details or what they're struggling with their relationships would appear very, very solid and fulfilling. The INFJ is the type least happy in their romantic relationships though and others (myself included) that have dated them view them as unloyal or untrustworthy, I would never be surprised to hear an INFJ cheated. Of the INFPs I have dated on the other hand I would have been completely shocked to hear any of them ever cheated, I couldn't have even fathomed it.
    this is such an interesting perspective. i think i do probably assume INFJs are more content in their relationships than they actually are. i've never heard of them having a reputation for cheating or being untrustworthy though...

    i'm always interested in trends of who INFPs end up with... do you know any of the types of the partners in these good relationships?

  9. #89
    Chumped. Obsidius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    I tend to instantly click with you INTJs almost instantly as well, I'm not entirely sure why it's not a popular relationship. Remember I was just listing THEORIES!!! Not my own personal opinion, it seems I'm getting jumped on for listing some theories. Yeesh.
    I'm and INTJ, and everytime I've met an ISFP and ESFP female, they attract me, a lot. I don't know what it is, it's this certain modesty but caring nature, along with their generosity. They're just fun people, and INTJ's often don't need any more "seriousness" in their life, we need to balance it out a little
    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.

  10. #90
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I do wonder about the perfect "match" mbti pairings. Millions of couples are not with their perfect mbti match, yet they find excuses that allow them to remain very much in love and very content... "He's just a man" or " you know how women are" or other goofy generalizations that allow them to accept their partners as they are and love them. The mbti perfect match makes me sad for this reason...

    However, I also note that the mbti perfect maches don't force growth. They work to a point...i

    Intj:enfp
    Entj: infp
    Intp:enfj
    Entp:infi

    In each the feeling of a lockstep pattern emerges. But each relies on that lockstep to remain stable. An equilibrium. But if a living creature reaches a state of equilibrium it is dead... It is no longer evolving. In these relations the partner suits one, as they are presently, addresses their particular cognitive needs and they can be very content... But do they evolve? Can things be too perfectly matched? I dunno.

    As an enfp, dating intjs has been easy- they are sweet teddy bears. Dating an entj has been nothing short of emotionally tramatic-and he made me human....

    Perhaps a masochistic need for growth is a 4-1-7 thing, but the fact that every day I am challanged to greater emotional ownership and accountability, greater self identity and strength, and am forced to own what is mine and then hold him accountable for his part of the relationship. It is aux function uaage I suppose.

    I note my current state needs a ton of work but rather than feeling sad and rejected as I would have felt in the past... I feel satiated. and almost think of it as home improvement projects-a lot of work to be done but with satisfying results, even if the relationship fails? But again maybe evolution of this goofy sort is not desirable in this manner for everyone, so I could be totally off base...

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