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[INTP] How to seduce an INTP...

seeker22

New member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
173
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Drumroll please... Hi everybody thanks so much for all of the FANTASTIC insight and feedback! It was SO helpful. I truly appreciate it and actually implemented the suggestions.

The mystery is solved... Kind of. LOL.

So yep we had a huge talk and she told me that her feelings are SO STRONG (emphasis hers) for me that she basically doesn't know what to do with them because they terrify her. And, that she was crushed when I started dating other people, even though she told me to do so. She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do or not do or hold anyone back from whatever it is they want. She said she concluded that I was not interested in her when I started dating "2.1 million other girls" as she described it. She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."

I told her that when she told me to go and date others, I took that as SHE was the uninterested one, and that was pretty much a polite rejection - since personally if I really liked someone I would NOT tell them to go date other people. I also interpreted the fact that she always asked about my dates as she just liked me as a friend.

I told her I didn't think it was fair to tell me to go and date other people, and then when I follow directions and do so (thinking that's what she WANTED) then she uses that as "proof of my disinterest."

So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.

Now this is why I say mystery solved... almost. LOL.

THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!
 

Antimony

You're fired. Lol.
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
3,428
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Drumroll please... Hi everybody thanks so much for all of the FANTASTIC insight and feedback! It was SO helpful. I truly appreciate it and actually implemented the suggestions.

The mystery is solved... Kind of. LOL.

So yep we had a huge talk and she told me that her feelings are SO STRONG (emphasis hers) for me that she basically doesn't know what to do with them because they terrify her. And, that she was crushed when I started dating other people, even though she told me to do so. She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do or not do or hold anyone back from whatever it is they want. She said she concluded that I was not interested in her when I started dating "2.1 million other girls" as she described it. She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."

I told her that when she told me to go and date others, I took that as SHE was the uninterested one, and that was pretty much a polite rejection - since personally if I really liked someone I would NOT tell them to go date other people. I also interpreted the fact that she always asked about my dates as she just liked me as a friend.

I told her I didn't think it was fair to tell me to go and date other people, and then when I follow directions and do so (thinking that's what she WANTED) then she uses that as "proof of my disinterest."

So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.

Now this is why I say mystery solved... almost. LOL.

THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!



I did the same thing to an ENFJ who liked me. Maybe it is compulsive.
I would keep go for her.
Persistence pays off.
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!

Just ask her point blank, how does one relay to you/convince you that they like you? What does it take for you to believe that?
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Drumroll please... Hi everybody thanks so much for all of the FANTASTIC insight and feedback! It was SO helpful. I truly appreciate it and actually implemented the suggestions.

The mystery is solved... Kind of. LOL.

So yep we had a huge talk and she told me that her feelings are SO STRONG (emphasis hers) for me that she basically doesn't know what to do with them because they terrify her. And, that she was crushed when I started dating other people, even though she told me to do so. She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do or not do or hold anyone back from whatever it is they want. She said she concluded that I was not interested in her when I started dating "2.1 million other girls" as she described it. She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."

I told her that when she told me to go and date others, I took that as SHE was the uninterested one, and that was pretty much a polite rejection - since personally if I really liked someone I would NOT tell them to go date other people. I also interpreted the fact that she always asked about my dates as she just liked me as a friend.

I told her I didn't think it was fair to tell me to go and date other people, and then when I follow directions and do so (thinking that's what she WANTED) then she uses that as "proof of my disinterest."

So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.

Now this is why I say mystery solved... almost. LOL.

THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!

Hahaha, I can totally understand her. I want people to make their own choices, which is why I don't believe in marriage. I want it that you make the choice to be with me every single day because you want to be, not because you have to be. So she told you that you are free to date others and you did. Which shows that, given the choice, you would rather not be exclusive and therefore do not like her as much as she likes you. When she came to that realization, she adjusted her mentality accordingly and prevented herself from getting in too deep. Now that she knows you really do like her, she has to rearrange her thought process to like you again and that takes time and is confusing. It makes perfect sense in my head but sounds so crazy when I say it out loud...
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do
:huh:
She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."
We can be SO fucking illogical sometimes!
So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.
Told ya! :D
THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!
Hang in there. Don't flake out. It can take a looooong time to earn our trust.

given the choice, you would rather not be exclusive and therefore do not like her as much as she likes you. When she came to that realization, she adjusted her mentality accordingly and prevented herself from getting in too deep. Now that she knows you really do like her, she has to rearrange her thought process to like you again and that takes time and is confusing.
:yes:
 

Tallulah

Emerging
Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
6,009
MBTI Type
INTP
Heehee, good going! She probably just still sees you as a someone that can have anyone he wants, so why would you want a nerd-girl? (Even if you don't see her that way, she probably sees herself that way.) My advice would be to tell her what you like about her, and make sure that that includes her brain. :) Her confidence will likely be in her intelligence and her sense of humor. You can tell her she's pretty, and that's good and all, but so are a million other girls out there, and she'll wonder why not go after one of them. Let her know what it is about HER that you like. I think you'll be able to convince her in fairly short order, but you may have to reassure her a bit in the beginning.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

videodrones; questions
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
866
MBTI Type
INTp
Enneagram
5w4
He tries to reach out, but doesn't know what to do once he gets there or when someone tries to reach back.
That's the biggest problem, yes. I guess the one thing that gives me pause about this woman I've mentioned is that if I were to have her, I wouldn't really know what to do with her.

It's like finding and buying a sought-after action figure, wiggling its arms a bit, thinking "that's nice", and putting it on the shelf next to your DVDs. Maybe every couple of months dusting it off and changing its position.

So I don't really trust that desire on its own. It's a bit... dumb.
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
if I were to have her, I wouldn't really know what to do with her.

It's like finding and buying a sought-after action figure, wiggling its arms a bit, thinking "that's nice", and putting it on the shelf next to your DVDs. Maybe every couple of months dusting it off and changing its position.
:huh: Crikey, and I thought the women were bad at this stuff!
 

Shimmy

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2009
Messages
1,867
MBTI Type
SEXY
THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!

Sorry, but LOOOOOL. :yim_rolling_on_the_ I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING!

now let's be serious.

You now know she has feelings for you. Inside she wants to be with you but she is sure about what you think. If you can already talk to her on such a private and emotional level why not just ask her why on earth she cannot believe that you like her. If she doesn't know, point out clear examples that show you do. At the very least this will get her thinking on the subject.

Then make her smile and be nice, as I said before you cannot make someone like you on rationalisations alone. You'll have to speak to her emotions in order to get a connection.
 

Shimmy

New member
Joined
Jun 9, 2009
Messages
1,867
MBTI Type
SEXY
Just ask her point blank, how does one relay to you/convince you that they like you? What does it take for you to believe that?

Too manipulative and pushy. Ask her why she cannot like you instead, then point out you are different from that.

That's the biggest problem, yes. I guess the one thing that gives me pause about this woman I've mentioned is that if I were to have her, I wouldn't really know what to do with her.

It's like finding and buying a sought-after action figure, wiggling its arms a bit, thinking "that's nice", and putting it on the shelf next to your DVDs. Maybe every couple of months dusting it off and changing its position.

So I don't really trust that desire on its own. It's a bit... dumb.

I feel you completely. Unless I'm constantly engaged by someone I don't feel the need to engage them as well.
 

INTPatricia

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
65
MBTI Type
intj
Things that worked for me:
-Noticing that my car was filthy and suggesting we take it to the carwash to get it detailed while we went to brunch in his car...sweet!
-Shampooing my carpet before my parents came to visit
-Packing for me before the movers arrived
-Giving my dog a bath
-Organizing my garage
-Sorting thru my stacks of paperwork to find some important document
-Getting my computer files organized
-Helping me sell things on eBay
-Organizing a closet
-Anything Three-dimensional will work...we writhe in horror at those things...truly we do...rescue us from those things...Read "The Five Love Languages" our love language that we most respond to is "Acts of Service" hands down! There are times I have almost proposed to a repairman...who I had nothing in common with and wasn't attracted to!
Also, take me to a good bookstore and let me spend $50 bucks on books instead of buying a fancy dinner or flowers or chocolates...one guy won my heart that way on my birthday...I took my time and bought physics books...we had a great night! I'll never forget it! He didn't rush me at all!!! Didn't have to sit thru dinner or a dumb movie! Just books, books, books that birthday!
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
Things that worked for me:
-Noticing that my car was filthy and suggesting we take it to the carwash to get it detailed while we went to brunch in his car...sweet!
-Shampooing my carpet before my parents came to visit
-Packing for me before the movers arrived
-Giving my dog a bath
-Organizing my garage
-Sorting thru my stacks of paperwork to find some important document
-Getting my computer files organized
-Helping me sell things on eBay
-Organizing a closet
So he "seduced" you by becoming your very own personal assistant/maid? Nice.
 

wastrd

Permabanned
Joined
May 27, 2009
Messages
149
MBTI Type
INTP
an SJ would take pleasure from these tasks, fit them in his routine and not let anyone mess with them. since she can't get her self to do any of that, she's most probably P and an SJ bait.
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
an SJ would take pleasure from these tasks, fit them in his routine and not let anyone mess with them. since she can't get her self to do any of that, she's most probably P and an SJ bait.

Quite possibly, but equating love with acts of service is typically an S(F)J thing. I can appreciate that some people show love in this way, but it would never seduce me. And I think most INTPs would feel similarly.
 

INA

now! in shell form
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,195
MBTI Type
intp
I can appreciate that some people show love in this way, but it would never seduce me. And I think most INTPs would feel similarly.
+1.
Where's the so-hot-and-nerdy-it-fogs-up-your-glasses story?
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I wonder if teritary temptation can explain that one...
 
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